Taking a break from college..

Hello,

I need some advice or just I guess words from others in a difficult situation I am having. I was a very driven high school student, got into a good college and was a deans lists student for my first year. I am an upcoming sophomore or was… My dream was and still is to become a doctor.

Unfortunately, my world turned for the worst in April. My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 bile duct cancer with a poor prognosis of 6 months or less. In my home it is only my brother, mother and I. My brother is a special needs child and that has left me as the only caregiver for my mother.

My mother was the head of the household but with the illness is very weak to get out of the and has stopped working. Two treatments have failed for her already, with each scan showing her tumors are growing. In June, the doctor gave us the option to try a different type of chemotherapy with low chances, or do nothing and let the cancer take its course.

My mother is my world as she is the only person I grew up with, and the only one who has been by my side for everything. I always imagined celebrating my career path and successes with her. I am now in summer break but school is starting in August. I have decided to take a break for the fall or even spring too ( a year) and start again in fall 2019. I just want know does it matter what age or how long I take to finish my undergrad? I only have completed my freshman year and am 19. I know medical school is very hard to get into but with my mother being ill I am so down and sad I don’t have the will to leave her alone. Will things work out? I am just so lost…Thank you.

I am so sorry to hear about the health issues of your mother. Certainly take the time to help her as much as you can. This can be a reminder to all of us that life is precious, and temporary.

I don’t see a gap year as a problem at all. Of course you will need to tell your university that this is happening and why. I can’t imagine them having a problem with your taking a gap year, but they have to know that you plan to do this and why.

Best wishes. Our prayers are with you.

I agree - your gap in college progression to take care of family will not be an issue for medical school admissions. Take care of yourself, too. Please try to find a support group - online or in your area. Caring for a sick parent and being head of household is a huge amount of responsibility for someone of your age and doing that work while also trying to stay strong for your mom puts a lot on your shoulders. I am so sorry you are going through this and I will hope and pray for a medical breakthrough for your mom.

I’m sorry you are going through this at such a young age. Definitely be up front with your school about why you are taking a gap year but it won’t matter for your education. This time with your mother will be precious. Be sure to get help!

Thank you all for your kind replies. This has given me more reassurance. I wish the best for you all as well.

Of course your academic and career goals will work out for you. Wishing the best for you and your family Melissa.

My prayers for your mom and your family.

To answer your question: college is not high school. There’s no real limit on how long it takes, or on when you finish.

Take care of what needs to be done at home, then worry about going back. And don’t be afraid to lean on your extended family.

You are doing the right thing. College can wait. Medical schools should appreciate your sacrifice & caring nature.

You are an adult–a responsible adult. Life is not easy, but I expect that it will be very rewarding for you.

Urgent that you handle cancellation with school properly, or you could be liable for charges. Find out how school wants to receive official withdrawal notification. Ask which departments need to be notified (housing, dean of students, registrar, financial aid etc). Keep records of how/who got notified so you can defend against any bills that show up later.

Also, are you receiving any financial aid? Is there a chance you could defer your aid for one year due to your mom’s medical situation? It is worth asking. I would make sure you speak with a high ranking financial officer at your school, and not just the random person who answers the phone in financial aid office.

If you stop attending college and have taken out student loans, remember those loans will come due six months after your last date you attended college. Check to see if they can be deferred in your situation.

Going further than your posted question, how will you and your mom and brother pay bills at home now? And is there life insurance for your mom? Who will care for your special needs brother? Do you have extended family?

Where is your father? Does he pay child support?

Please use this forum going forward to ask for help in the future. For both college and non-academic struggles.

Sending hugs to you.

Plenty of people I know have taken a break from college and have successfully finished it later. I think it is good that you are prioritizing what is important to you, best wishes for your situation.

@Melissavy

I am so sorry you are going through this. You’ve gotten good advice so far.

A very long time ago, in my second year of college, my mother received a Stage 4 cancer diagnosis and she passed away months later. It was a complete shock to my world. She was my only (involved) parent. No aunts or uncles. My siblings were all older, out of the house, and busy with their own lives. I felt so awfully, terribly alone.

In hindsight, I wish I had taken an extended break from college (instead of staying and wrecking my GPA).

I also wish I had gotten into therapy sooner, & stuck with it long term, so I would have had an adult to talk to & access to balanced advice.

It was two rough years, then I began to feel like I was starting to heal and break through the fog of grief.

You can have an amazing life you love, despite deeply painful events. This is an unexpected detour, not the end.

The love you feel for your mother, and the love she feels for you, can never ever be taken away from you. You will always carry it with you. She will always be with you, but in a different form. I understand if you don’t believe me now because the shock and grief can overwhelm.

Let your goals and dreams and values be the lighthouse as you navigate the rough waters. You will get through it!

Make sure you talk to the Dean of Students at your college to make sure you take an official leave of absence (not jut drop out) so you can be assured you can go back if you need to.

You have gotten good advice.

This break should have absolutely no effect on you career plans except that you will be one year older.

I can’t speak authoratively about medical school but being older when you applied shouldn’t hurt you since medical school tend to like older more mature students.

Lots of student take breaks for many differnt reasons. It is more common then you think.

Work with your school and any financial institutions that you may owe money to, take the leave, do what you need to do for your family. There is not one single path to our goals - your journey will just be different than others.

I would just like to come back to say thank you for everyones kinds words. My dear mother passed away last Tuesday. I am glad to have stayed by her side at all moments. I’m just coming back to say I will be starting school again soon next year because thats what my mother wanted. I hope to make her proud from above.

Big hugs and prayers @Melissavy. Your mom will most certainly be proud of you. I’m so sorry for you loss but happy that you had that time with your mom before she passed. Lots of love to you and your family.

@Melissavy

What a gift to your mother and to yourself (to have been at her side)! Please be patient and kind to yourself. Time will heal the rawest emotions.

Please consider seeking the help of a skilled therapist to help you get thru the rough patches.

If you need us, we’re here for you too.

Thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot.

Our sincere sympathies on the loss of your mom Melissa.

And I know she’s looking down on you, so proud of the way you’ve handled all this.

Wish I could give you a hug for your mom @Melissavy.