<p>Long story short, my mom is divorcing my dad. She is rushing the process, which is incredibly bad timing for myself and my siblings. As I high school senior, I am trying to meet January 1 deadlines, and I also have final exams. She scheduled the first hearing ON THE DAY OF ALL THREE OF HER CHILDRENS FINAL EXAMS (late December). Ostensibly, she is doing this for financial aid purposes. She insists that the court is going to rule that my father does not have to complete any part of a financial aid application, and wants to make this happen by the FA deadlines so that she can apply herself. My dad owns a business, valuable enough that our "need" is $0 on all the calculators. She "claims" to need to divorce him so that she can get FA with only her middle class income. My question is, is this a legitimate excuse at all? Can the noncustodial parent/other parent (not sure how that works) be allowed by a court to not contribute at all?</p>
<p><strong>Note</strong>
Obviously, this doesn't make sense. Her ulterior motives are clear to those familiar with our predicament. However, the situation is very personal and I won't discuss it here. Also, in case you're wondering, this is a non-issue because 1) my dad has offered to pay for my education out of pocket and 2) I have told her I'll defer my enrollment so we have an extra year to apply for FA. My mom is a nutjob. Please advise.</p>
<p>For goodness sake, divorced parent still has responsibility to contribute! Her rushing it seems unusual. No bearing on schools saying what contribution is necessary.</p>
<p>I guess I could be called a nutjob by some, and I am not an attorney BUT I am pretty sure the non-custodial parent would be expected to contribute as he is still your dad. Good luck!</p>
<p>I’m sorry you’re having to cope with this. My suggestion: focus on your finals and the things you CAN control. You really can’t control your mom’s decisions. As best you can, try and let it go. </p>
<p>The good news: Since your dad is willing to pay for college, your mom’s decisions aren’t going to adversely affect your college options. It may be that if she becomes your custodial parent AND you apply to a FAFSA-only school (most all publics and many lesser-known private colleges) then it is only her income and assets that will be considered. But…these schools may not have a lot of financial aid to offer. </p>
<p>It isn’t easy to watch someone careen down a path that looks obviously wrong, but trying to stand in the way is likely to end with you getting run over. Been there, done that. Ugly.</p>
<p>Whether the non-custodial parent is expected to contribute depends on the school. Almost all top univerities and LACs require either the non-custodial parent Profile form or have their own non-custodial parent form that must be filled out, and they take the second parent’s income and assets into account. As well as the assets added if either parent remarries (which hasn’t happened yet in your family).</p>
<p>If a school is FAFSA only (some are, look at the financial aid website), then the non-custodial parent’s assets are usually NOT taken into account. So it depends on what schools you are applying to. A lot of state universities work this way. However, your mom is not likely to get the divorce finalized in time to affect this year’s FAFSA anyway.</p>
<p>Just a word of warning. Your dad has said he will pay for your college out of pocket, but divorce proceedings have a way of derailing that type of commitment sometimes. Often there are large legal fees or settlements or alimony or child support for younger siblings that take resources from a parent who starts with good intentions. And if you are oldest, your dad may be a little fuzzy on just how big a financial commitment that is these days. Or he may start thinking that he can’t afford it for you and your siblings, so it wouldn’t be fair to spend whatever resources he has on college all on you.</p>
<p>Not sure how your college list looks, but if I were you I would probably make sure it has a couple of “financial safeties” on it. Schools that are less expensive, and maybe schools that give good merit aid where you have high statistics. You may be happy to have those options on May 1 when a final decision needs to be made. We went through a divorce in my D1’s senior year of high school, and it was good to have those options.</p>
<p>Courts can force a non-custodial parent to pay part of the bill in SOME states. But, a court has no jurisdiction over a college that is not part of the case before it to order it to consider/not consider the income & assets of either parent. </p>
<p>I can’t conceive of a situation in which your mom would win, but if she wants a ruling that your dad doesn’t have to fill out a college’s fin aid form, she has to sue the college. (She’ll lose and if she won, the college just wouldn’t admit you if you weren’t already a student.)</p>
<p>Even if your mom somehow got a judge to rule your dad doesn’t have to fill out a college aid form, that’s not binding on a college that wasn’t part of the litigation. A court can rule your dad doesn’t have to fill out the form. A college can still say if he doesn’t, we won’t give aid. It won’t care in the least what happened in the divorce action. </p>
<p>I hope that’s clear.</p>
<p>There are states in which a non-custodial parent can’t be forced to pay any part of a kid’s college tuition. That doesn’t stop colleges from saying that they will calculate fin aid based on both parents’ income even if the non-custodial parent lives in one of those states.</p>
<p>I can’t even believe what I’m reading. You poor thing, your mother inconveniencing you when you’re just SO STRESSED. And all she’s going through is a silly little divorce. </p>
<p>Your mom is indeed a nutjob which is what divorce attorneys love to see walking in the door. Regardless of the party’s intentions to keep thing civilized, its in the best financial interest of the lawyers to make this a protracted proceeding. After all there is a juicy business sitting right there- why shouldnt they take part of it? They will play up a lot of emotional issues and slights, which it sounds like your mother will fall for, and both side will generate a lot of billable hours. </p>
<p>The best way you can protect yourself is make sure that you cast a wide net on schools, including states and any places that has a 3/2 program with a engineering program you really want to go to. You are likely to get better aid if you go more down market and you can make a jump when things stabilize. </p>
<p>As far as FAFSA, work on it now with the assumption that the divorce wont be final and include your father’s income. If he has a business then he likely has an accountant who can help you fill in some details. </p>
<p>Logistically you might want to update your contact information with your colleges so it goes to your cell phone instead of the home phone in case your mother is having a breakdown when they call. And if father is handling this better emotionally you might consider spending the rest of the school year with him.</p>
<p>Thank you all. Minus SPELondonbrondon. My mom is getting divorced for malicious reasons, she chose this date for malicious reasons, and the whole thing is pretty dang nasty.</p>
<p>I think I will be fine, I have 2 full tuition scholarships in the bag at this point and am applying for several full rides. And again I’m totally open to a gap year just in case things don’t work out.</p>
<p>So this thread is basically resolved, thanks. argbargy, can I choose who I live with? I’m still a minor…</p>
<p>Again billthakid it depends on the college. Look at your list and see which ones require profile, then read closely to see if they require non-custodial parent information. Read carefully some schools use their OWN non-custodial forms so will show up on Collegeboard lists as not requiring Profile. Try to keep lines of conversation open between you and both your parents and stay out of the fray is my best advice. Best wishes.</p>
<p>Billy, you have college covered for next year. You say here that you have two full tuition scholarships in the bag. On another thread or post, you say that your dad will pay.</p>
<p>That being said, I want to say…your mom is NOT a nutjob. Going through a divorce, regardless of the reasons, is most stressful. It may look to YOU like she is being malicious, and nasty, but this may actually not be the case. I would urge you to consider being a bit more supportive than you come across in these posts. To be honest, what you are posting here sounds VERY selfish…all about YOU, and not the family situation. Believe it or not, you may not be privy to all that is going on with your parents. Be supportive, not nasty yourself.</p>
<p>At the end of the day, you say you have full tuition awards at two places, and your dad will pay. I’m not sure I see the problem you have…other than wanting to vent about your mom and the injustice you perceive she is laying on you.</p>
<p>Billy, your question about who you live with depends on what state you live in and what your parents want. For example, we live in a state that has a requirement for how parents split custody unless one parent has been proven unfit. There is some leeway within it, but essentially there is a minimum percentage the kid must spend with each parent. But that is just our state. You must be close to 18, so no matter what is decided, once you are 18 you are pretty much able to decide (if the parent you want to live with also wants you to live with them). I will note that it can be tough on your siblings if you “leave them behind”.</p>
<p>Agree that you should stay out of the fray as best you can. Honestly, I don’t think kids should attend parent’s divorce hearings anywa, so just go to your finals. Often these hearings are kind of anticlimactic, and the paryties get sent away to work on mediation on certain things, etc. So don’t stress about this during your finals. Also… most likely your mom did not pick the date. The court usually just tells you the date when your case will be heard, so it is probably not the case that she intentionally set it on the date corresponding to finals.</p>
<p>I have to agree with a couple of the posters - please try to remember that the universe does not revolve around you. When I was a HS senior, my grandmother was inconsiderate enough to get very ill. My mom was her only child, and she was stressed to the max. I cringe when I remember how I stormed out of the house one day - “It’s like a morgue around here!” Later my mom told me how that really stung - she had tried so hard to stay positive for my sister and me. My sweet grandmother died in February of my senior year, and I still miss her. I cannot believe I treated my mother so cruelly. Even if you don’t like your mother, try to think how you will feel 30 years from now when you look back on how YOU acted. You cannot control your mother’s actions, but you are responsible for your own.</p>
<p>I don’t know… having been through a divorce as a parent during my D1’s senior year of high school, I am actually pretty sympathetic to the OP. Choosing a college is one of the most stressful things around, I think. Stacking financial uncertainty, physical changes in where you/parents live, and the emotional drama of it on top is very, very difficult for a high school senior. If you add a parent who is using the divorce process to try to “game” financial aid on top of it (and is clueless about it), I think my head would explode, too, if I were the OP. </p>
<p>So… Billy, keep your head. And MaineLonghorn is actually right that in spite of your mom’s craziness, it is better to not do anything that will cause more pain and difficulty for her during this period. She may come out of her “nutjob” phase once the divorce is over. She may even have reasons for getting divorced and acting this way that you don’t know – parents never tell their kids everything, and what you hear from one parent is often slanted or misrepresented (often both parents are guilty of this). They usually believe what they are saying, but selective recall & sharing happens on both sides. So don’t believe everything you hear from either side, and just try to keep your college apps on track. It sounds like you are doing a good job with this.</p>
<p>I agree with the posters who say that you should stay out of the fray as much as you can. That said, I think it’s unlikely that someone who is a senior in high school doesn’t know the real reason his parents are getting divorced. It’s possible, I admit, but to me it’s unlikely.</p>
<p>And, for the posters who are saying it’s all about you…well…as an adult who went through an extraordinarily nasty divorce and has many friends who did too, I know that there are adults who use their kids as just one more chess piece to manipulate their estranged partner and/or seek revenge. Lets give Billy the benefit of the doubt. </p>
<p>Again, though…stay out of the fray to the extent you can.</p>
<p>Jonri, the OP’s parents have liked been married for 20+ years. And what people fight about at the time of the divorce often has deep roots in early behaviors and issues in the marriage that have been going on for a long time. So I don’t think that high school seniors (or anyone else) have a full picture, only the two people involved do. Anyway… that is not why the OP posted. And you are right about the chess piece comment; it sounds like the OP has gotten some good options with scholarships on the table, so hopefully his college attendance will stay on track in spite of any bad behavior on the part of the adults.</p>
And MaineLonghorn is actually right that in spite of your mom’s craziness, it is better to not do anything that will cause more pain and difficulty for her during this period. She may come out of her “nutjob” phase once the divorce is over. She may even have reasons for getting divorced and acting this way that you don’t know – parents never tell their kids everything, and what you hear from one parent is often slanted or misrepresented (often both parents are guilty of this). They usually believe what they are saying, but selective recall & sharing happens on both sides. So don’t believe everything you hear from either side, and just try to keep your college apps on track. It sounds like you are doing a good job with this.</p>