<p>OP: I think that you need to step back & rethink things. First, your mom doesn’t have the power to schedule court hearings. If this is a deposition, then both attorneys need to agree, but court hearings are scheduled by the judge’s staff & can easily be rescheduled upon motion by just one of the parties to the legal action.
If you have two scholarship offers & if your dad is willing to pay all costs out-of-pocket, then what’s the issue ?</p>
<p>I’m guessing his mom is having an affair. Wayward spouses do absolutely nutty things when they are still in the fog with the other man. I’m betting that is what it is. If so, sorry I have no sympathy for the mom and complete sympathy for him.</p>
<p>yeah I’d bet the mom is having a revenge affair. The going back to college points to a “my time for me” mindset going on, probably as payback for perceived slights. The lawyer should have a field day.</p>
<p>Of course we dont have the facts here- which is why I am going to default to Billy who does have first hand info. And he has come to the conclusion she is a nutjob. And lets face it, he isnt going to be able to fix her. It’ll be a good 5 years before she calms down. So all we can do is give advice about what he can control.</p>
<p>If Billy is 17 I think in most states the court will give a lot of weight to his preferred custodian parent,especially if there is a concrete reason like Billy not being able to study with her mood swings.</p>
<p>Still not seeing the point of the gap year though.</p>
<p>An affair is a very accurate description of what is happening, in a manner of speaking. Argbargy, she’s not going back to college, I am. The gap year is just to take the financial aid deadlines off the table, which I have now done thanks to everyone’s helpful info. 
I just need the court date moved back (for other reasons which protect my entire family, not just for college apps/finals). I am working with my dad on fixing the date, and otherwise trying to “stay out of the fray” as many have suggested. Thanks again. It’s good to know that I will have some input on where I will be living.</p>
<p>Will they both be in the same state? If not, think about instate residency issues for where you might choose to attend, should you select a public rather than a private</p>
<p>Billy, you have a lot on your plate and I admire you for trying to handle it all. You are facing stress from all directions and you don’t yet have a lot of life experience or perspective from which to deal with all of it.</p>
<p>My advice?</p>
<p>Don’t get too involved on either side of your parent’s mess. There is probably enough “blame” to go all around. The good thing for you is that, at your age, you will likely escape a lot of the mess that is likely to follow in the next few years… Please try to be there for your siblings, they will need a voice of reason and a rock of security while everything else around them is changing.</p>
<p>As far as the divorce proceedings? </p>
<p>Dates in late December often get changed, so your mom shouldn’t count on the date quite yet. It’s common for the judge or lawyers in the case to ask for a continuance of the proceedings at any time of year, and unless it’s a matter of life and death, they are often granted even just as a courtesy–especially around holiday times. This is true whether it is a true court hearing, or a session with a magistrate, or a deposition.</p>
<p>Assuming that this is an actual court date, it is also quite common for a judge not to issue an immediate ruling, and to take matters under advisement, especially if the parties are not in agreement on the matters before the court that day. For example, unless a financial settlement presented to the court is agreed to by all parties, a judge is unlikely to decide at the time he is presented with a financial plan–especially if objected to by an opposing party. The judge will instead give the other side time to present their written objections and their own proposals.</p>
<p>Also, as another poster noted, the judge can’t issue an order saying the father doesn’t fill out FAFSA. I have heard of a judge ordering a parent to fill out FAFSA if supported by other terms in a divorce decree, but never the other way around. The judge doesn’t have the power to forbid him to fill out a FAFSA…it is up to the schools to require or not require FAFSA or other financial documentation. Your mom’s wishes won’t change that.</p>
<p>Is there some real, other underlying reason that finalizing the divorce before the end of the year is so important to your mother? This one just doesn’t make any sense at all.</p>
<p>The OP says he is applying to schools that are not FAFSA only schools. Schools that require the noncustodial parent information will require the income and assets of BOTH parents regardless of what a divorce decree says.</p>
<p>If the father ends up being the custodial parent, he will be required to fill out the FAFSA. The mother’s info will not be included.</p>
<p>If the mother ends up being the custodial parent, then the mother will fill out the FAFSA and the father’s information will not be included.</p>
<p>I believe the that the custodial parent will be determined by whomever the student lived with the most in 2012…and will have nothing to do with the divorce decree.</p>
<p>Billy, not sure why the court date is your concern, honestly… let your parents duke this out. I can’t see any reason why you would need your dad to move a date unless there is some major issue going on that same week (eg, one of your siblings is having surgery and needs parents there). It isn’t going to finalize the divorce in all likelihood, it is just one step in a zillion of these types of hearings/mediations/meetings, etc that will go on over the next year or even more. If they are going to divorce, let it start moving… the sooner they start, the sooner it is done and everyone can move on.</p>
<p>As soon as the parents aren’t living together, the custodial parent can file a FAFSA with his or her income, only, and split home value and any other assets in the same manner they will be in a divorce. The divorce itself does not have to have come through yet. Also, FAFSA and taxes don’t have to match, in terms of parental filing status and figures, and explanations can be given.</p>
<p>Billy, I understand that your father has indicated he is interested in helping you pay for your education. One huge favor you could do for yourself, and for your sibilings, is ask that some provision for college is written into the divorce settlement. Even if all that each of your parents commit to is being responsible for the equivalent of 1/2 of the cost of attendance at the cheapest in-state public U, you will have that in writing and each of them can hold the other responsible for coughing up that amount. Most divorces do not include any provision like that, and the children’s educational options are limited to whatever it is that the most broke parent can afford.</p>
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<p>Such a provision may or may not be enforceable, depending on the state. Where I live, such a provision wouldn’t be worth the paper it’s written on, even if part of a divorce decree.</p>
<p>If it is enforceable, it is worth asking for. From what I’ve seen here at CC, even in states where it is enforceable too many parents don’t set it up. The OP is close enough to college enrollment to understand the value of this kind of provision, and may be in a position to ask a judge or lawyer about setting it up.</p>
<p>Am I the only one who thinks that a teen that is involved in any way of a divorce is just wrong, in SO many ways? IMO, any child of any age should not be involved in their parents business. OP, stay out of it.</p>
<p>it’s also the OP’s family too… is it not?</p>
<p>obviously the actions of the parents have a big impact on OP.</p>
<p>I really feel for the OP here, especially considering the way the divorce is impacting him. Moreover, if his mom’s behavior is as alleged by OP, I disagree that the OP’s the one that’s selfish and that the “world revolves around him”. </p>
<p>If anything, such behavior IMO illustrates how his mom and/or possibly dad are the real selfish ones and acting as if the world revolves around them. By setting divorce dates and behaving in a negative fashion which exhibits little/no consideration of the impact both may have on OP and his siblings, they’re frankly dumping emotional baggage and responsibilities on the kids that’s really theirs to handle/solve while shielding their kids from the worst effects. </p>
<p>Especially considering the root causes of the divorce are not and SHOULD NOT be the responsibility/effective fault of the kids. This should be further underscored if the root causes predated the birth of the kids. </p>
<p>This reminded me of one statement a HS science teacher who was a trained psychiatrist(Columbia Med School) which when thinking about it makes sense: “It is wrong for parents to use minors(under 18) as emotional support for and/or effectively dump adult issues/emotional baggage for which they’re not prepared to handle due to their age & life experience.” IMHO, what the OP’s mother’s doing if it is as alleged goes way beyond that. </p>
<p>IMHO, it’s the height of chutzpah on the part of those who expect children to behave like saints when their parents are acting worse than young children in the maturity department.</p>
<p>Agree with cobrat and others on who’s supposed to be the adult here! The OP is a minor! I’m sorry, but parents need to keep their kids in the forefront, whatever else they’re going through. I have a 13 year old nephew whose mother has very serious issues that have really negative impacts on him–not issues of taking care of a sick grandmother (as someone above described as somehow being equivalent to Billy’s situation), but issues of disastrous relationships, mental illness, drinking problems, etc. His father is only marginally more prepared to be a parent (they’re divorced; he moves back and forth between them.) N is the nicest kid–kind, funny, bright–but his parents’ inability to be consistently PARENTS is taking a huge toll on him. He’s forced to be the sane one in the family.</p>
<p>I can imagine him coming on here in a few years and getting scolded for not being more sympathetic to his parents’ issues. I just hope he can hold it together long enough to get to college and and get out (meanwhile, we and others in family stay as connected as possible to be a safety valve for him .)</p>
<p>garland- bless you and your family for being there for that boy.</p>
<p>It does make me sad to hear a teen call his mother a ‘nutjob’ and I wonder what the mother’s side of this story is.
But absolutely agree that parents should never be involving their minor kids in marital issues. How awful that must be.</p>
<p>agree that the wording is unfortunate. But again, I imagine thatthis might be a defense mechanism; using crude, harsh-seeming terminology to disguise how painful the situation is. I could be wrong, but that sounds probable to me.</p>
<p>How much sadder that she is acting like a nutjob.</p>
<p>I agree that this is a trying time for a divorce to take place. However, the parents have their reasons for doing so now. The OP has two full tuition offers already, which is wonderful. He can take the $5500 Direct loan, work a job and earn some money, and hope that his dad will keep the promise of paying for college expenses.</p>
<p>This student is in far better financial shape for college than MANY students with in tact families. He just might need to actually attend one of those schools where he got the full tuition award, which sounds like it was not his original plan.</p>
<p>College matriculation plans sometimes need to be altered…for many reasons…divorce is one, loss of income, death of a breadwinner parent, relocation of the family, illness.</p>
<p>I hope the OP can start looking at his cup as half full instead of half empty.</p>
<p>The divorce is traumatic for reasons other than college.</p>