<p>I don’t see where he doesn’t know that. But this is a “college” site, so that’s the angle discussed here.</p>
<p>From my perspective the only colleges where there is impact from a procedural perspective are the FAFSA schools or Profile schools that don’t require NCP (are there any of those in existence?) and yes, separated or divorced doesn’t matter. But, divorce is expensive and can drag on for a long time depending on the parents so and often depletes assets so how college will be funded and what the parents can afford during this period of time will impact the OP. It does sound like the OP has financial safeties which is very important.</p>
<p>Garland,</p>
<p>Those who focus on the OP’s harsh wording are reminding me of an increasing trend among some in the boomer and later generations to feel no compunctions about having their lives/problems revolve around them without any consideration/meaningful responsibility for their children. </p>
<p>Saw this with some teen parents in marked contrast to ones who hold to my admittedly more traditionalist view in my childhood NYC neighborhood<em>. Moreover, I later saw a similar phenomenon</em> among upper-middle class parents whether it’s the upper-east sider set classmates at my HS or parents of college classmates. </p>
<p>The damage sustained by the kids who have parents who effectively neglect one of their key responsibilities of being the parent by modeling and holding themselves up to higher maturity standards commensurate with their age/relationship vis-a-vis their kids can be seriously debilitating and last for years/decades afterwards. </p>
<ul>
<li>Using their kids as emotional support/venting platforms for adult issues/experiences for which they’re ill-equipped to handle due to age and lack of life experiences. Forcing the child to be the “sane” or “reasonable” one in the family because the adult aged parents are acting worse than young children in the maturity department.<br></li>
</ul>
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<p>If the situation is as alleged by the OP, there’s an old saying applicable to his parents…especially the mom that “If the shoe fits…”</p>
<p>Harsh wording is a luxury, maybe curse, of the anonimity of the internet.</p>
<p>Cobrat says:
If the situation is as alleged by the OP, there’s an old saying applicable to his parents…especially the mom that “If the shoe fits…” </p>
<p>Couldn’t agree more.
But I think that could be a big “IF”.
We are only hearing the OP (teen’s) side, not the adults.</p>
<p>Obviously, from the teen’s perspective, his mom is a ‘nutjob’. I’m a poster who did focus on the the language used and commented how sad it is that the OP feels that way.
And it IS very sad, whether the OP is relaying the situation accurately or ‘only’ feels that the situation in his family is so dysfunctional.</p>
<p>FYI, I’m not a fan of self-absorbed adults who display zero parenting ability or responsibility toward their kids. I might be considered a bit on the other edge, learning now how to forge new parent child bonds with our newly adult children. Another stage of parenting.</p>
<p>The language didn’t bother me because it was a kid who is probably struggling to understand why his parents can’t be married anymore. Most adults in my experience who divorce when their kids are finally gaining some independence have either had problems for years and years that were well covered from the kids or because the kids are gaining independence and they have been in coping mode focused on raising the kids with a hidden knowledge that once the kids were “older” they would call it quits. As kids age, I think they also develop a keener understanding of their parents’ personalities good and bad. I do hope that the OP can keep a relationship with both parents as time goes on and he can forgive or forget why he called his mom a nutjob but it takes time…I’ve seen it happen where the kids rebuffed the mom (or dad), only to patch things up once they were in their early twenties.</p>
<p>Children are invariably casualties in divorce cases.It might be time to cut the strings and become independent or the OP could get drawn into the whirlpool and find himself an unwilling pawn in this tragic contest.</p>
<p>Someone mentioned earlier that it is difficult to get a court to enforce a divorce decree clause where one party is supposed to pay some portion of college costs. While it may not stand up if the person to pay does not do so, in the vast majority of divorce cases the two parties do actually live up to what is in the decree without further court intervention. Most of the time the terms are negotiated between the two parties and the court rubber stamps it. So it is worth it for the OP’s parents to put how they intend to handle college costs in writing. Although it may not withstand a legal challenge, just reaching an agreement between them now could be all that is needed. It would sure help the OP and his siblings plan better for their future.</p>
<p>Don’t any of you guys have “nutjobs” in your family tree? We sure do… it did not even occur to me that the OP might actually be wrong on this. I still think he should work to maintain a relationship with his mom and try to stay out of the details of the divorce. But good gosh, I have two different sisters-in-law who completely qualify in the nutcase category – one in a criminal way and the other in a “some people really oughta be locked up” way.</p>