Well it’s a long story we had arguments regarding this issue of me moving out after 18 for many years. I think this is a deeper relationship issue.
There’s really no issue, but I think my parent are just stuck in their mind that if I don’t have a 9-5 stable “real” job they don’t agree with me and are not happy with me. It doesn’t make sense though cause I pay pretty much all my bills by myself, have a decent amount of saving, and I don’t really buy much outside of necessities. At this point I’m just waiting for my new place to be ready then I can move out and not have to hear the anymore.
I don’t think it’ll get to the point they’ll kick me out, but it will be so uncomfortable for me like they will keep telling me stuff I don’t want to hear that I rather go sleep in the car. But like I said earlier I do have a place lined up and if for some reason that place doesn’t work out I can always find another place.
Honestly this sounds like an issue beyond you having a job. Maybe you can ask your family to take part in family counseling. Your MOM OR dad probably has an EAP AT WORK or perhaps a low cost option via insurance.
I’m not sure this is truly the forum to get guidance through the more I read. And perhaps a neutral third party can help bring compromise.
In the end it’s your family and I hope you can maintain a healthy long term relationship.
Do not burn bridges with your parents but since you’re paying for your new apartment and have savings, all is good. Live you life. You’re an independent adult. Say you’ll visit from.time to time and continue the contract work you like.
BUT
start thinking ahead: can your contract job turn into opening your own business? How would you go about that ?
If you don’t like “regular hours”, what jobs could you do that have evening, night, or reduced hours?
Or what about working part time for your contract work and part time at a high school (hours there are different than in the corporate world)?
I’m sorry you don’t seem to have had the best relationship with your parents. We can’t really control who our parents are. They don’t have to define us though.
While in your parents house you will probably have more interaction regarding their desires, etc. I understand your wanting to avoid that. In the end it is their house though. Hopefully it will be minimal.
It sounds like you’ve taken care of yourself pretty well and managed to make yourself mostly independent without a lot of help. I applaud you for stepping up since you didn’t have the family support that some do. All families are different.
You have a valuable degree. You are working and supporting yourself. You’re an adult and you’re making adult decisions. All decisions have pros and cons. In the end it’s your life and you can live it as you want. I’m sure in the end your parents do want you to do well and have your best interests in mind.
I hope things work out well for you and your family. Hopefully you also have others in your network that can provide you with advice and support.
Please start looking in to health insurance now so you know the impact of not being on parents plan if they decide to stop covering you (or you age out). There are inexpensive cell phones plans but you don’t want to cheap out on health insurance.
Also be sure all your contract work is withholding taxes or you are up to speed on what the tax consequences are if they are not.
Otherwise if you can afford to move out, then don’t feel worry about trying to persuade parents about choices. Most likely showing them that you can live comfortably doing things your way is what will make the differences. Of course this might take a few years. In meantime, don’t engage in arguments that go nowhere (smile and nod).
Thank you all for replies I do apologize for the inactivity but I am ok and I’ve been busy the last 2 weeks or so but I did move out during these 2 weeks and have settled in to my new place.
As far as health insurance goes, yes I have talked to my mom and she said it will run out in a few month when their renewals come and I will look into that. But I think for cell phone plan we will keep our family plan since it is cheaper. For taxes, they don’t withhold any tax, but I’m good with my finance so I can take care of that.
But the deeper issue is with the relationship it probably wouldn’t get better because this issue has been going on for years and if anything it has gone worse by a bit. I haven’t talked to my mom since I moved out which I’ll keep it that way until we have something we need to talk about. I think it will be better to just not talk to her since we are prone to arguments over things that doesn’t really affect her but she’s mad at me and all I get is depressed so I rather not go down that hole.
I would strongly recommend you meet with a medical insurance agent to review the medical plans you may be eligible for and learn about what’s included, excluded, deductibles and copays.
I’d also suggest you keep in touch with your folks periodically—maybe send a note or letter from time to time (weekly? Monthly?) You really don’t want your only contacts with family to be when you need something. It makes people much less inclined to want to help you.
Well I sort of have a special case with my family that I don’t know if I want to tell the whole story here (It gets rather depressing). But basically for years now many times when I visit/talk/contact my mom we end up in an argument and it causes more harm than good. So I think due to our special situation it’s best to leave each other alone unless there’s actually something to talk about. Otherwise I end up getting depressed and nothing gets solved. So yes the typical family should keep in touch but I feel I have a special case.
Yea I’m going to be shopping around for health insurance and speaking with agents for the details.
The nice thing about a note or letter is it’s only one way, not interactive and you control what you write and can choose words carefully.
Even just a cheery postcard “Thinking of you” or something. You don’t engage except if something comes up but you show you are alive and do think/care.
Sending a card from time to time (“Doing well, thinking of you”, “I know you love the Fall folliage and thought of you when I saw the Fall colors, take care”…)
Doesn’t imply a discussion or back-and-forth. Just a friendly gesture that expects no reciprocity. If the relationship is toxic, which it sounds like it is, that’s all you’d do, znd you’re right in staying away from conversations that systematically turn into confrontations and leave you feeling upset.
Stay strong, have fun, be kind, do well. It’ll turn out okay.
I had a somewhat similar situation in my early twenties when I moved out for grad school. Different circumstances but end result was the same with a poor relationship. You’ll deal with it better as time goes on (I’m in my fifties now) . Once you have cultivated other relationships and established yourself in your career, it will matter less. Just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in your situation and glad to see you have already taken steps to move forward! Best of luck to you.
I hear what you all are saying. I may be biased but I feel my mom doesn’t appreciate kind gestures. Like the 2 and a half month I moved back home I helped her with quite a few things and instead of appreciating my help, she’s more focused on ranting about the fact I don’t have a “real job” despite me never asking for even $1 from her. Or on ranting on me to move out of the house ASAP. So I don’t think writing kind letter would help at all, if anything she will just call me and ask why I’m writing these letter then it would lead to an argument, depression, etc.
Good luck on the health insurance! I wondered if that was one of the reasons your parents were pushing a 9-5. And/or other benefits that usually come with that (retirement plan, vacation time).
My sister was a dental hygienist, employed by 2-3 different dentists at a time, and never worked fridays, because her dentists didn’t. This was a issue with our father for years, and years…despite the fact that she was completely financially independent, homeowner, had a good living, etc. It wasn’t an argument, but it bothered him and he brought it up for a long, long, long time until he finally realized that she was actually doing pretty great working 4 days a week! There are generational differences, and he was from the “work at the same company full time for 30+ years” perspective. Today things are much different, and your parents might not understand that to some degree. And honestly, some people just don’t change their views. You might just have to make your peace with it, knowing that you are doing great for yourself even if it is a different model than your parents had or expect. And maybe take your job out of conversation topics with her. Good luck!
I know a guy who once had a rough relationship with his single mom for a few years. They were out of contact, but on Mother’s Day he would leave a potted plant on her front porch. You may not feel inclined to do that but thought I’d mention the idea.
Yea I feel like at the end of the day my happiness is the most important thing. I really have to just not let this tension affect my happiness. As much as I want a better relationship with her, it might just not be possible in the short term. SInce I feel that’s the case, it’s better for us to just keep the relationship neutral which at least is better than getting into more arguments and getting nowhere.