My Parent wants me to get a 9-5 "Real" job?

Parents Forum Parent Cafe
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First off I just wanted to say I’m a recent college graduate and I’m not sure if this is the correct forum to post in, if not just let me know what section this should be in and I’ll repost it.

So I have a bit of a situation with my parent wanting me to get a “Real job”. So like I said I just graduated recently in May with a business degree. Just like a lot of other people, I graduated but don’t really know what I want to do in life or know what’s my “dream job”. So a little background, during my freshman year, I didn’t work. I started working 2nd semester of my sophomore year but it wasn’t an employment position, but rather independent contractor work. I really liked this job so I kept doing it until around March last year when everything shutted down. I did pick up another part time job at a drink place during my 3rd year. So my contractor work resumed last summer (summer 2020) and for my senior year I was going to school online, working part time at the drink place and also doing the contractor work part time. Every since I graduated, I went full time on my contractor work. My parent had been nudging me to go get an actual 9-5 full time job since around like February. However, I rather work my contractor job since I pick my own schedule. So for June and July I was able to make a full time income from the contractor job and I have decided that’s what I want to do for now. I would say I’m comfortable on this income given I’m super frugal and really don’t have much expenses outside of the necessities. So a bit about my contractor work, most of the time is spent driving since i have to drive around to different places to do small jobs. That being said, my parent has been bugging me about it that I need to get a “real job” as in a 9-5 for them to be satisfied. Do you all think I’m doing fine or do I REALLY need to get a 9-5 or a “real job” to be successful in life? I’d appreciate any advice.

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If this contract job is related to your major, I think it could be an decent intro into your career. If this contract job is something completely unrelated to your major (for instance, you’re driving around town doing plumbing repairs or delivering Uber Eats) I agree with your parent you need to find work related to your major. The longer you remain in work unrelated to your major, the more difficult it may be to gain employment in a field related to your major.

An important question is are you living on your own or do you live with your parent? If you live with your parent, do you pay rent and contribute to utilities and help with maintenance (cutting grass, washing dishes, etc)? The more independent you are, the more freedom you might feel in calling your own shots. If you are being supported in any way by your parent, you may have to accept having less than complete autonomy over the decisions you want to make.

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If you are happy with your contractor job, that’s great.

You can look for a job you like better at your leisure.

I don’t see any reason why a 9-5 job should be preferable, just because it’s 9-5.

Some people are happier at jobs that are more flexible.

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I’m wondering if there is more to your parents wanting to get a 9-5 job. You don’t give a lot of details so this may totally be off base but here are some thoughts.

  • if you’re living with them, and have low expenses they may prefer that you move out.
  • if you’re living with them, and think you have low expenses because of that, they may want you to pay rent or living expenses at home.
  • what’s your insurance situation? Are you on their insurance? They may want you off their insurance or the expense of you on their insurance. Or they may want to retire which would take you off their insurance.
  • are you social? They may see contract work as socially inhibiting.
  • you say you’re making a “full time income” - but is that full time hours? Do they see you with too much free time “wasting time”?
  • they may just be very traditional and feel like you went to college and now you need to sign up for the 9-5 package.

This may be more of a relationship problem. You’re an adult so yes you can make choices but how is this affecting them?

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Are you living with your parents? If so, find your own place to live. It sounds like you enjoy this work and it is giving you work experience.

Pay all of your own bills (car and health insurance, food, clothing, utilities, everything).

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Are you making enough with this work to pay your own rent, utilities, health and car insurance, food, phone/internet, gas, incidentals?

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A regular job may come with benefits that a contract job may not come with. If you are currently on your parents’ medical insurance, that may be an issue for them.

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If you are living in your parents house and or getting support from them then I don’t blame them in pushing you to “get a real job”.

If you’re on your own and fully supporting yourself then that’s a different story although it might be a worthwhile suggestion that you should consider (getting a real job in line with your degree).

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You, as their child, may not see what we adults do for you, daily, if you live at home and don’t have “real job” work benefits.

We make and pay for your meals. Then we clean up the kitchen.
If you have a cell phone, we pay your phone bill.
We pay for Tide, Downy and Shout to wash your clothes on our water bill.
We pay for your gas, insurance, oil changes, new tires, spark plugs, brake fluid, etc.
We pay for your shower, soaps, hair products, clean towels, toilet items and keep the bathroom clean.
We pay for your cable, internet, computers and peripherals.
We’ve paid for your clothes and any alterations.
We pay for any home mortgage and homeowners insurance, with constant repairs, so that you have a place to stay.
We do this because we parents love our children, and are willing to provide for them until can do this on their own, when they get a “real job”.

In a “real job” situation, you would pay for all of the above.

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Do you have health insurance or do your parents pay for a family plan to include you? (FWIW, our “family” plan is about $400/mo more than just us 2 parents. When D is able to get her own, we won’t need to pay that much) Do you have student loans and are you able to make payments?

Personally, I prefer contracting work or temping because I don’t like someone looking over my shoulder or a set schedule. However, if your parents are contributing to your expenses that they feel you could cover with a “real” job, that may be where they are coming from.

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If your contracting work is stuff like home repair, then you should think through your career path. Maybe you want to become a full time home repair contractor and eventually run a company, which is a fine thing to do and you have the business degree to give it a go.

But if you take that path, you should be aware that bachelor degrees have a “use by” date. Today you’re a fresh grad with a degree in business - that’s how companies view you for entry-level white collar positions.

After 10 years of handyman stuff, you’re now a 30 year old handyman and not a fresh grad with a degree in business. That’s how you’d be viewed if you then try to get back into the white collar world.

Now if your contracting work is actually something like helping small businesses with accounting or website development, the above doesn’t apply and you’re essentially using your degree and gaining valuable experience. Just be sure you’re thinking of the long game.

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Parents come from a different generation - the world today is different.

I studied journalism at a top school - where, by the way, most wannabe journalists aren’t.

I was working at ESPN on a 6 month contract. It ended - i was working 13 hours a day, 6 sometimes 7 days a week - making $300 a week before tax (early 90s). $7.50 an hour - but a 40 hour work week it wasn’t.

After 9 months, my dad came to me and said - I know a lot of your friends ended up in law school, became stock brokers or whatever, and you are pursuing the dream.

But there comes a time in life where you need to earn more than you spend (enough to live) - and now is that time.

In other words, I am not going to support you anymore.

So - i got a job in sales, kicked butt, went to grad school, have worked 22 years since grad school in a “corporate” job and am addicted to the college confidential.

Forgetting all that, perhaps your parents are saying - you need a job that will cover your bills??

The new world, the gig economy, the day trader kids - it’s an entirely differnt situation.

My nephew got an accounting degree, had a job at a major casino, was put on hold after working there for 2 months last March (covid), was called back 6 months later and resigned that day, never stepping foot in the office again.

He day trades stocks. He’s killing it - but that’s because right now - who isn’t?

I fear for him - what your parents likely fear for you - if you graduate college without a “real” job, don’t have a “real job” later, then it’s going to be hard for you to find a real job if/when you crash and burn.

It’s not to say you will crash and burn - but we are all from a different generation and that’s our mindset.

On the flipside, going to work in a normal job with benefits is great to make you middle/upper middle class and to be one of the majority of people that don’t feel satisfaction in their career.

But that’s the status quo and it appears to be what they want for you.

Are you making enough to live? Do you have opportunity for income growth?

If so, show them…write out a business plan to demonstrate your next five years so they can see that you aren’t being lazy or goofy or anything else.

Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg - these guys didn’t have regular jobs. They seemed to do ok.

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Thanks everybody for the replies. So I have moved out for all 4 years of college and I have been paying my own rent since like 2nd semester sophomore year. So about living at home, I have moved back home in early June and there’s actually a long story about that but I was supposed to move into another place as the lease term was ending at my old place. The new place didn’t work out and that’s the only reason I moved back home. However, I did already find a new place to move into and will be doing so in the next week or so. And yes I can afford to pay all my bill as this contractor work does bring me a full time income.

As far as bills go, I pretty much pay everything myself like food, gas, car insurance, etc. The only thing I don’t pay for is the cell phone plan and I’m on my parent’s health insurance. Regarding paying for rent, I actually proposed to my parent that if I can stay home, I’d be willing to pay them the same amount of rent every month as I would pay for a place, but they said no.

@tsbna44 Thank you for mentioning Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg. The thing is I’m actually more focused on personal development/starting new business than finding a 9-5. Cause basically my contractor work is my 9-5 as that pays the bill. And no my contractor work isn’t really related to my major, but I feel like these days a lot of people work in career/jobs that aren’t related to their major. Overall while this is not my dream job, I’m really happy working this contractor job and also the flexibility allow me to have time to work on other things.

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If you were my kid and you were supporting yourself, I’d be proud and glad!!

As for living at home, I did from 23-26. While it seems not good, when you are 40 and look back - you’ll realize how smart it was.

If my kid moves home, I won’t charge him rent. I’ll consider it a down payment on his future. Besides, I miss my kid every day - i wish he was here :slight_smile:

Sounds like you have a great plan…but it is a different era and it just may take your parents time to realize.

Once you strike it rich and buy them a beach house, they’ll forgive you.

It’s the young, risk takers that will create the jobs of tomorrow.

You are earning a living and paying your bills and I applaud you.

Good luck in your pursuits.

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Good for you then :+1::+1:
However, unless that’s not what you want to do for the next 10 years, see if you can make a career out of it and what you need to do to make that happen (license your own business, etc., get a professional certificate, hire ppl…) while also looking at adjacent, salary-type entry positions with a better safety net.
You can show your 2-year plan to your parents to reassure you didn’t “waste” your time attending college. Use those skills from Management, HR, Accounting, Communication… :+1:

(Gates and Zuckerberg are outliers though - and I truly hope you’re nothing like Zuckerberg personally :wink:).

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Sounds like you are in good shape. Please do not forget to put some $ aside to fund an individual retirement account. Retirement is not something young folks think about daily, but it will come.

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@tsbna44 Exactly I wish my parents were like you. I was telling other friends/family members about my parent wanting me to move out and a lot of them are cool with their kids still living at home. But at the same time this is an ongoing issue with my family.

@MYOS1634 Yea I don’t expect to be the next Gates or Zuckerberg. I have thought maybe to get an actual job, but then I thought about it that it would be a full time job where I have to work 5 days a week and I just don’t want that. For my contractor work technically I’m working for different companies and it’s just that I’m an independent contractor rather than an employee, which I like since I make my own schedule.

@BunsenBurner Exactly, in fact I don’t really spend any money outside of necessities, and I’m very happy that way. Not sure if you heard about minimalism before but that’s something I been trying to adapt.

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I see your parents view here. They just paid for four years of college, perhaps even with sacrifice to the own wants and needs. Now they are only covering your healthcare (not a minor thing, and probably expires in a few years) and cellphone… but they likely are frustrated that you are doing a job that you probably could have done straight out of high school without a degree. You maybe did need a break after your studies. If so, your parents may be fine with it if you explain to them your long term plan.

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I totally understand that but they didn’t pay for my tuition and stuff. Most of it was covered by financial aid, scholarships, working, etc. My parents never really helped me like visit me and stuff. They paid for my rent for 3 semesters but that was mostly it. For the most part it was just me out here by myself and I cover other expenses like food, transportation etc. So I did get some financial help from them in the beginning but not help like mentally, have someone to talk to etc. I used to be very depressed and I had to deal with it myself. I’ve been depressed for a while because of issues like this with my parent and even now I’m a bit depressed.

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So back to your issue - what’s the issue?

You’re an adult - so explain to them what you’re doing and why.

Either they’ll approve and you’ll continue on or they won’t.

What happens if they don’t? Are they kicking you out?

You can’t just snap your fingers and get a job…well a career job.

Explain to them you are an adult, you didn’t cost them much for school, and you’re not costing them now - and to trust you - that you have a plan. And share that plan.

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