My parents are driving me insane.

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>I'm in the final few stages of applying to different colleges and my dad is ****ing me off to no end. </p>

<p>I'm absolutely tired of what I'm sure he believes is helpful advice, the quote on quote "correct" thing to do. He wants me to go to a large college, I want to go to a small, private college. I don't mind going to a community college for two years, he is completely against the idea. Which is pretty idiotic when taking into account the fact that we're pretty much dirt poor and that I have a brother on his way to college soon, too.</p>

<p>Everything I want to do with my life is rubbing against him the wrong way: I don't want to go to medical school, I don't want to become an Engineer. God forbid a person should ever major in the arts. God forbid a person should EVER major in the humanities. </p>

<p>He knows nothing about the American educational system. In fact, he knows nothing about anything at all. It's infuriating trying to educate somebody who refuses to listen to reason. I, apparently, am not a hard worker because I would rather attend a nice liberal arts college, major in music, and have a career in the arts than go through medical school and become what I'm sure he believes is the holy grail of all professions, a doctor.</p>

<p>He can become a doctor if he wants to be one. He doesn't have to impose his stupid childhood dreams onto me. I'd rather play an instrument and play in concerts or teach music to people than make a six figure salary. I'd rather be happy doing something I love to do than miserable in a profession that I profess absolutely no interest for. Which, of course, is just the strangest and most ludicrous thing my dad has ever heard.</p>

<p>Well, feel free to share any stories about your parents if you have them. God only knows I can't be the only one going through this.</p>

2

<p>Do what you want. If you would be happy teaching people music, then you should do it.</p>

3

<p>That’s what I plan to do. I just needed a place to vent. He’s been driving me up a very, very large wall lately.</p>

4

<p>Yeah, I’m from a very conservative Asian family, and my dad’s always wanted me to be a doctor, but I chose to focus on my other interests, like music, politics, and languages. Eventually, my parents opened up and began to support my aspirations. They agreed to let me major in political science and economics.</p>

<p>But from your dad’s point of view, I guess the problem is that he’s concerned about you and music might not let you make enough money in the future to support your family. It’s pretty much a shot in the dark at success and might make or break you. Of course, not saying I agree with your dad, but he comes from at most a logical, if misinformed, perspective.</p>

<p>So this is what you do. You know about Juanes, right, that musician from Columbia? His father was pretty much the same way, always trying to get him to major in engineering. Juanes goes, “fine, screw you.” He completes a major in engineering, slaps the diploma on the kitchen table, says to his dad “this is yours,” picks up his guitar, walks out the door, and basically became famous.</p>

<p>I’m not asking you to do something so radical, but keep trying to convince your dad to let you do what you want to do. Argue that a double major in music and education is actually a very practical choice and can get you a lot of jobs in the future. If that doesn’t work, screw him. Do whatever you want =D</p>

5

<p>You have to make SURE that you will be happy playing music. You could do a double major too, even though its more work because it gives you more options.</p>

6

<p>I’ve been recently wanting to quit basketball. I am being recruited by virtually every Ivy League school, but basketball is growing to be more of a job, not something I truly enjoyed. I’m not sure if I should finalize this decision because in spurts, I do like the sport. I just don’t know if I’m committed enough to play at a collegiate level. My mom is still in denial. I have great SAT scores, ECs, and the like, but she feels as if I’m throwing my life away. I don’t know how to get through to her. </p>

<p>I can’t vent to anyone about this. Everyone thinks I’m being overly dramatic. I’m first in my class, great at my sport, and my life should be perfect, right? I feel like my life would be so much easier if I didn’t try to please everyone but myself.</p>

<p>Thanks for providing me an avenue to vent. I honestly don’t know what to do.</p>

7

<p>Yeah, I can see why you’re annoyed. But, you got to remember he is only doing this and saying this stuff because he’s looking out for you. He probably wants to make sure that when you’re older you’re able to live well. Honestly, as much as we all hate to admit it, what we enjoy the most is almost never a practical, safe bet. </p>

<p>You say you’re poor, yet not so poor that you can’t go to college, so from this I’m guessing, may not be correct, that your dad is maybe a hard worker. Perhaps someone who had to work really hard to get to where they’re at, which still isn’t that great? If so, then he probably just wants to make sure you never have to have it that hard. I’m just guessing that though. </p>

<p>My best friend just went through this decision battle. She had to pick between flute, her all time love in life, and something practical. It was extremely tough to her, because she is drop dead amazing ( third in states ), but also lower middle class. Her parents really wanted her to take the medical route too. In the end, she has decided to go the medical route. </p>

<p>Not saying that that is what you should do at all. But just know that you’re not the only one. We all are having to make difficult decisions and deal with stressful situations and parents. We are adults now, and we have to really take that in consideration. All this stress and difficulty is us growing up.</p>

<p>So, man, I really didn’t mean to make it this long, but I guess I’ve just been thinking about it a lot lately. Pretty much, I advise you not to be too harsh on your dad. One day you’ll probably miss him. And if you are 100% dead set on being a musician, then by all means go for it, but some of the best advice I’ve ever gotten was: make sure you make that decision as an adult choosing their career and life path, and not as a child chasing their dreams.</p>

8

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<p>This. 10char</p>

9

<p>I will happily share my story with my parents.</p>

<p>Let’s see, when I was 15, I was thrown to the streets by my wicked mother who always would tell me how much she hated me. I ended up in foster care. Back then, foster care ended the day you turned 18, so I had to work hard to graduate high school early. Most foster kids never graduated because they turned 18 before graduation day. Plus, at least back then, everyone hated foster children and would blame the child for being in foster case, not the adults.</p>

<p>Anyway, so on my own, I sorted my way through colleges, with no guidance from my parents or anyone else who cared about me. I completely picked the wrong college. I applied for financial aid on my own. And I purchased my own bus ticket with Greyhound to take me to college. I missed freshman orientation, did not even know there was one. Don’t know how I missed that other than that I just never got the letter.</p>

<p>I worked through college but quit after 3 years to recoup. The college I picked did not even have my major I wanted. But, seriously, back then, long distance was not free, cell phones did not exist, neither did internet. I was completely and totally on my own. </p>

<p>I did graduate from college. I paid my own way through and still am because of the student loans, even though recently turned 40. I admit, I was very emotionally needy in college due to my complete lack of family support. It was awful when the dorms were getting ready to close for a holiday and everyone else was talking of going home for the holidays, and I was just worried about where I would sleep for the week the dorms were closed. I did my fair share of time on the student union couches. I was not the only one. I did not always have the money for a hotel. I did not have the money for an apartment.</p>

<p>Anyway, I love my children. I don’t tell them what to major in, but I do show them the news articles I often see about which majors are good risks and which ones will get you the jobs and so on. In the end, it will be their choice.</p>

<p>That was my experience with my parents. Want to trade?</p>

10

<p>To the basketball person…no, of course your life is not perfect. You are going through major changes right now. It is hard. And you don’t like basketball and do not want to commit to it at the college level.</p>

<p>Here is the thing, if you really do not want the big name school, that is fine. But think in the long term. Are you just unhappy with it now, but could put up with it for 4 years in order to have that sort of education and go student loan free? Or are you so unhappy with it that 4 yrs really is way too much. Are the schools recruiting you just not fitting with your long term goals? (i.e. they don’t have your majors, etc).</p>

<p>Good luck with your decisions!</p>

11

<p>To the music majors…music is fine and great. But as with any possible career, look to people with degrees in what you are seeking. Look at their lives and their jobs, is that what you want for your future? If so, go for it. If not, then consider going to a college where you have music opportunities, and can maybe even double major, but also has something else you are interested in.</p>

12

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<p>My family’s income is ridiculously low, and the schools that I’m applying to have great financial aid packages. I would be paying the same amount either way. I just feel like I’ve always been doing sports to please my mother. My father actually wanted me to quit a while ago so I could focus on my studies, but I just couldn’t bear to see the disappointment in my mom’s eyes when I told her. </p>

<p>Maybe this is just a part of me growing up. I just feel like my priorities are so different than when I first stepped foot in high school. I just feel so uncertain about my future, what colleges will accept me, whether I’ll always be a disappointment to my mom. I’m just worried that when decisions come out, I’ll be stuck wondering “What if I didn’t quit?”. Ultimately, I just don’t want this decision to haunt me for the rest of my life. </p>

<p>I’m probably being overly dramatic, but I don’t want my college experience marred by regret.</p>

13

<p>^If you are recruited for basketball, you don’t have to play once you arrive at college. My Columbia son has a lot of friends who were recruited for a sport, but decided sometime during the course of freshman or sophomore year to drop it. No problem. Dropping the sport now would eliminate the admissions “hook” that being a recruited athlete brings to the table. Perhaps you will be admitted without it, but it does have real value for many.</p>

14

<p>^ I find that to be dishonest, and I know I will be unable to face the coaching staff if I were to quit after taking up a spot on their roster that someone else would have otherwise filled. I’d rather get in on merit than depended on my “hook”. I have fairly high test scores and am an URM, so hopefully that will aid in my admittance.</p>

15

<p>Are you indian?</p>

16

<p>Do what you’re passionate about and tell them that’s what you love doing, that you’ll give your best into it. In the end they want what’s going to be the best for you, but they’re not you and they don’t know what it is.</p>

17

<p>ladyjacket42, I was not suggesting a bait-and-switch tactic. I was simply suggesting that you will not have four years of indentured servitude as a basketball player if you are recruited to play basketball. Instead, you will have the opportunity to experience the sport in a completely different environment with completely different coaches and teammates. That experience may rejuvenate your interest in the sport.</p>