I made a post earlier about my college decision process so I will sum it up real quick. I am going to be an industrial engineering major and I’m planning on starting my freshman year of college in the fall. I applied to Pitt, Binghamton, UB, RIT, Stevens, and RPI. I have heard from 3 and have gotten in. These schools are Pitt, Binghamton, and UB since they offered a rolling or early action deadline. Throughout my college process, I have been set on pitt and bing. Pitt has always been my top. I love the size of the schools and everything they have to offer. However, I am a NYS resident and pitt’s out of state tuition is honestly ridiculous. My mom called pitt today and they only give scholarships to people with a 1480 or better on the sat. I don’t understand how they admit people around a 1200+ sat but you must have a 1480 to receive any aid. I have a 1420 on the sat for reference, and out of state kids like me are basically screwed. However, I can get over this. Binghamton and UB are the only options I really care about now. I most likely won’t get anything from RPI, RIT, and Stevens anyways, and I don’t even think I am really a good fit there. I can definitely see myself at Bing or UB, and I am really thankful I have these great options. My plan was to go to the engineering tour and check out Honors at UB (I got into honors) and wait to see if I got the presidential scholarship and weigh that option against Binghamton, which I love. Btw, Pitt would be $45k and my parents can only put forth $30k a year (which I am so thankful for). I would have atleast $60k in loans. I would be debt free at both bing and UB. I am also looking into a stem scholarship granting me a full ride at both Binghamton and UB. Therefore, Pitt makes no sense. I love it so much, but I can’t justify the price for being on the same level as the 2 sunys.
However, my parents have made this process harder than it has to be. My mom doesn’t like the 2 sunys even though I have tried to show her how great they are. She wants me to go farther and experience something different, which is funny because before looking at my schools she wanted me to stay close. She realizes Pitt is unrealistic, yet she is having a really tough time letting go and I don’t understand why she feels so guilty. On the other hand, my dad likes Pitt but wants me to choose a realistic opportunity financially. He wants me to wait on RPI, but tbh I don’t care for it. He does really love the options I have at the sunys too. I told my parents it’s between UB and Bing and my mom can’t let go of pitt and my dad can’t let go of RPI. Honestly I would have never expected this situation. Yes, Binghamton and UB arent my absolute dream schools but clearly they are the best value and I know I’d do well and be comfortable there. Any advice?
btw, thank you for all the great advice on my last post
It boggles my mind when I see parents trying to push debt on their kids when there’s no reason to! UB has an awesome rep for engineering. Bing is a great school. No reason to take on debt when you don’t have to. I think you just need to sit down and explain to them that you are happy with the SUNY option, you don’t want to have debt upon graduating because that will allow you freedom to pick a job you want, not one you have to take because of the salary. Maybe if they see the amount you need to borrow and how much those payments will be after accumulating interest for 4 years, they will come around.
Kids with no assets or a decent job don’t borrow $60k, their parents do. You are going to borrow $27k or so (what’s allowed by federal programs) and the rest is going to be co-signed by them. As an exercise have your mom try to find an extra $1200/month for four years after writing the monthly college check they can afford. Tell your dad you’re less excited about RPI than UB or Bing.
But maybe take another look around the region, including RPI, and see if there’s another program still taking apps that addresses your major and money needs. See what the financial aid numbers from RPI are before closing the door, for example. Your parents may be mollified a bit if you make an effort to double check your initial investigatory work and confirm this is the best set of options you can have right now.
Binghamton or UB and a semester somewhere like Austraila or New Zealand would be much more “different” than Pittsburgh - and a lot more affordable. A global perspective is a plus for personal development and job seeking. It is hard to study abroad in engineering,but it is possible. It is good to start researching/planning as soon as possible (like now). This could meet the spirit of your mom’s concern better than Pitt.
First off congratulations are in order for: 1) your success in HS; 2) your excellent college acceptances and 3) the maturity with with you are handling your situation. They all bode well for your future success not only as an engineer but even more importantly, as a person.
In terms of your situation I would suggest that you sit down with both of your parents to discuss the situation. Tell them you’d like to say what you have to say first.
Tell your mother that Pitt is unaffordable without you taking out major loans and ask your dad to second that. Let her know you don’t want to start off your adult life saddled with loans when there are other excellent debt free options and that her holding on to Pitt as an option is just making it harder for you to move on.
Tell your dad you prefer the two SUNY schools to RPI. Give him your reasons (ex. you prefer a more well rounded student body to a pure technical school or whatever your reasons may be). Ask him to let go of RPI as an option as you have others you prefer.
Thank them for supporting you in every way and allowing you to be in the position you are now. Let them both know how much you appreciate that they can send you to a SUNY college and allow you to graduate debt free.
Make plans to revisit the two schools so you can make a decision. (I know people who have been very happy at both schools).
Eat ice cream (or whatever your families preferred snack is).
RPI is a good school but since your Dad appears to be receptive to financial arguments, now might be a good time to put together a spreadsheet and/or graphs showing the cost-benefit of each school. Engineers spend a lot of time arguing for fact based decisions in the face of other stakeholders’ emotional choices. Might as well start practicing this important professional skill. You are already thinking like an engineer in your approach to your current choices!
Mom might be unwilling to give up on a school that she knows you loved. So showing enthusiasm for Bing and UB may be all it needs to bring her around.
It’s too late to retake the SAT for Pitt for merit.
? Pitt doesn’t just accept people who can qualify for merit scholarships. That would mean everyone would qualify for merit! They do need some people to be full pay! And many people happily full pay for Pitt
It is ONLY January! Let it go for now!! Your mom is grieving the “loss” of Pitt. Unless she’s nuts, she’ll come around.
Encourage your dad to periodically mention that Pitt is not affordable, and that they won’t and shouldn’t cosign loans.
Continue the process with those other schools.
Crazy that parents would even want to burden their kids with such unnecessary loans!!!
However, the OP of this thread is not the first student who posted about being pressured by parents to choose a higher cost/debt option when the student preferred a lower cost/debt option.
Start looking at your local cc. The SUNYs will look better by comparison.
The SUNYs are a great system. I think your mom I’d just sad they can’t afford your favorite school. I’d shelve the discussions for now and wait until you have all your decisions back. Things will likely sort themselves out.
I think that when it comes to college, it is pretty common for parents to be torn between wanting to their kids to get out experience new environments and become more independent versus wanting them to be close enough that they can visit. This conflict can result in what appears to be inconsistent/irrational behavior.
A potential rational explanation is that your mom sees Pitt as a good trade off in that it is far enough away that it will be a new environment for you, but close enough that she can easily visit. Note that this has nothing to do with the relative “greatness” of Pitt vs the SUNYs, so trying to convince her that the SUNYs are just as “great” as Pitt. will not ease her concerns.
This is why I suggested the idea of study abroad. The combination of a SUNY and study abroad will allow you to experience (and learn from) a much wider range of environments than just going to Pitt. While you are at SUNY you will be close enough for your mom to visit and while you are abroad, you will learn to be even more independent than you would need to be at Pitt.
The reason it is hard to study abroad as an engineer is that there are so many required courses and they tend to be interdependent - with one building on the knowledge acquired in another. One typically needs to preserve some of their humanities, arts and social science distribution requirements and/or free electives for abroad as well as identify schools with engineering classes that meet the requirements for your degree programs. Sometimes their will be partnerships in place where certain courses are pre-approved for credit, while other times you may need to submit courses for approval (which is time consuming). The net of all his is that it is usually a good idea to have done some research and talk to an adviser at school before signing up for you first semester classes. Starting to research it now could also get your mom excited about the idea,
Two semesters abroad is obviously harder to plan than one semester, but by including the the summer that precedes/succeeds the semester, you can extend the the time spent abroad.
Parents feel as conflicted as students. They want to give you best opportunities yet have to balance the budget. Parenting is a synonym for feeling guilty, for not doing the things right, for not providing every advantage, not being rich enough to pay full price at every college, not being poor enough to be eligible for full aid to every college etc etc. Be kind there them.
You have over 3 months to make the decision. Wait and see how everything pans out. And try to limit the discussions. Good luck to you. You’ve done very well and are obviously very mature.
