My parents won't help me pay for college?

Paying for College
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<p><<<
know I do tend to have a negative view of Florida schools, and they’re perfectly fine, perhaps more than fine (people around here absolutely rave about USF) but my true desire is to go out of state and I’m just feeling a bit discouraged and upset that this probably cannot happen for me, simply because my parents won’t contribute.</p>

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<p>Well, the beauty of living in a large state that is long and skinny is that if you go a bit north or south (or west in the panhandle!), you will feel like you’re in a totally different area…with a different culture and feel! It will be as if you left the state!!! The idea of going OOS really just means that you want to experience something new and different, right? </p>

<p>It sounds like you are in the Tampa area. Is that true? then look at the Florida publics that are away from Tampa and also give large merit. What would FIU or FAU offer you for merit? I’m guessing that UCF is too close, right? If not, what would it offer? </p>

<p>When it comes time to apply to med schools, then you’ll apply to all the instate SOMs and a number of OOS private SOMs. That may be your opportunity to go OOS. And if that doesn’t work out, then you may do your residency in another state. You likely will get to experience living in another state…at some point. </p>

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<p>Well, when parents are worried about money and cost, it is quite typical for them to say something like, “We can’t do that for you because then we’d be expected to do that for your younger siblings.” My kids went to private K-12, and when my kids were in the 8th grade, I would often hear parents tell their oldest kids, “we can’t send you to private high school because we won’t be able to afford to send your younger sibs.” Now, I have seen those same parents later send the younger ones…but that is usually because the finances got un expectantly better. With older kids, parents are often hesitant to set a precedence.</p>

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<p><<<<
I always thought it was standard for parents to pay, at least in part, for their kids’ college. I guess I really don’t have any perspective. Many, many of my friends are starting off better than I am, financially. Some of them have Florida prepaid, some are being looked at by coaches from colleges (unlike many of my friends, I am not athletic),
some have grandparents putting away money for them every year, and some are being helped quite generously by their parents. This is why I have been panicking about the fact that I am starting from square one with money. I always figured that my parents would help out until recently when, in a very casual conversation (I’ve not talked -very- seriously with them yet), they said they had no plans of paying for anything for me.
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<p>Every family has a different situation. Yes, some have grandparents who pay. Some have parents who are thrifty and have socked money away for college. Some people just make a bunch of money and can easily pay out of current income. </p>

<p>However, there are a LOT of families like yours. Most families do NOT save for college. Some families don’t earn enough. Some families have had some tough situations (long-term unemployment, divorce, etc). Some families just don’t manage money very well (BTW…the stories of parents paying most/all costs usually involve homes where BOTH parents are thrifty people. All is takes is for one parent of a good-income-family to be a spender and then it’s unlikely much/anything gets saved for anything.)</p>

<p>Most students do NOT go away to school. Most commute to a local CC or local public. Most families cannot afford to pay for college…especially a sleep-away experience. </p>

<p>And…just a heads up…right now, you’re hearing a lot of big talk around the school lunch tables. Come spring, you’re going to hear about some changes in plans. Families that thought they could pay, will suddenly not be able to (job loss, divorce, unexpected big expense, naive about FA or cost, etc). </p>

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<p>OP, even if your parents agree to contribute, they may not be able to afford OOS schools - many are going to be a lot more expensive than your instate option, even with merit aid and you walk away from all the instate money.</p>

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<p>“Thank you, everyone, for educating me. I really appreciate it I guess I’ve just grown up among middle/upper-middle class families and come to think that was the “norm” but really, my “wealthier-than-my-middle-class-family” friends are not at all a good standard to compare my, or anyone else’s, financial situation to…”</p>

<p>Your clear thinking and ability to listen to advice make me think that you will do GREAT, wherever you end up. If only all the students who post here with situations similar to yours had your level of maturity.</p>

<p>And yes, I echo scmom12; lots of kids in DD14’s class had plans in the fall of their senior year for expensive schools, but are now at good but less glamorous state schools instead.</p>

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<p>Rationale, my father was as pleased as could and proud of himself that he could offer his children free tuition at a satellite state university (not the main campus, mind you) and that they could live under his roof, get their meals and other needs taken care by him. He was providing for his family very well as compared to most people, and as compared to what he had. All of my siblings, as high school seniors, decided to look for merit scholarships, and got them. Though we did qualify for some financial aid,it wasn’t going to cover it all and even back then in the days college costs were in 5 figures, it was more than my parents were going to pay. We had to come up with the money ourselves, and my parents did give us some allowance, maybe $30-50 a month and we did get things here and there. But they were not set up to pay for 4 years of sleep away college, private or out of state or even in state. It was either go local to the freebie which did have a national name or pay something to go to a cc or other local state school Those were our choices. To berate my parents would have just gotten them to feel very bad. Can’t squeeze water out of stone.</p>

<p>I had so hoped to be able to afford any college my kids wanted, but with other priorities in the mix, it didn’t work that way. We borrowed for the first one and have just paid it off-- and we opted to start repayment immediately. 10 year PLUS for each year of college adds up to 14 years of loan payments, and I realized the austerity would be for a very long time doing this with each kid. Just wasn’t going to work out. Hurts when I think about it. </p>

<p>Just as a heads up, this could be an issue you will deal with for a lot of upcoming milestones. DH had a devil of time getting his first car. No family connection or members to give him an old car for starters, his mother wouldn’t co sign the loan, and he couldn’t get one at a decent interest rate off the bat and he needed a car for a good job opportunity. A reliable car. We knew ever so many kids who got brand new cars for graduations, birthdays or for whatever. Just so they got a car. Not us. I did not get a car until my father died and since my mother did not drive and moved in with me, signed over the car to me. Took public transportation. I was nearly 30 years old when I got my first car that way. </p>

<p>When it came to buying a house, it was very painful for us No help from parents for down payments or anything. We lived in a one bedroom apartement for a while with a child, to save for a down payment. All around us were folks who were getting famiily help in buying a home We had to do it ourselves.</p>

<p>My son went to a private school where a lot of his classmates have parents that could get them jobs, apartments and subsidize them even after college. I think he’s in good shape, college paid for by us, no loans, but he sees kids who live in condos, apartments that parents pay for or buy for them while he’s scraping to make rent as a performer. At least he has no student loans There are a lot young people out there who have that monkey on their backs. </p>

<p>So, yes, it very nice to have well to do parents who are willing and able to provide goodies, money, connections. I did not have that,my kids have had some of it,but yes,you’ll see those with a a lot more than you in every respect. </p>

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<p>@cptofthehouse‌ points out a fact of life. There will be many times in your life when it will seem like others have parents who pay or help pay for everything. We grew up very close to our cousins. We each had a cousin that was born the same year (and same sex) as we were, so instant besties. But, my uncle had a much better paying position, and as we grew up, the differences were obvious. Their cars were paid for by parents, their college costs were paid by parents, their first-home down-payments were paid for by parents…you get the picture. We had to do those things by ourselves. </p>

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<p>For a different perspective,traditionally from our culture, it’s expected that the parents help the oldest child get a college degree that leads to a good job, then the oldest child is expected to help siblings through college financially.
Obviously if there is a lot of college debt, that’s unreasonable.</p>

<p>OP, good luck. Aim at getting the best stats you can and remember that college is not the goal, becoming a doctor is.</p>

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<p>My oldest child does not have a high paying job,nor does the next one. The middle one does. So what to say? Very nice when expectations work out, but they often do not. I know some elderly immigrants who expected to live with one of their children when they could not live independently, and it did not work out that way. Some are with one of their kids that they did not expect to house them, some are in nursing homes because none of their children want to have them or cannot have them in their homes. You really cannot depend upon others.</p>

<p>My kids all are willing to pay something to let my youngest go where ever he wants to go to college, but given most of them are not making that much money, I doubt that going to happen. We’ll work it out without that kind of commitment as heartwarming as the offers are. I’d prefer as would my youngest, that they get into a better financial situation than for my youngest to be able to go to a top priced college. </p>

<p>And frankly, I would not have wanted my parents to go into what savings they had, have to live even more frugally than they were, or have my dad take a second job or my mother have to go to work (she would have had to do menial work) to have paid for my college, buy me a car, contribute to the down payment for my house, etc, etc. The tables turned early in my life, and I was sending money for things to make life a bit easier for them in a few years after college, and to my brothers for extras when they were in college. And today, my mother lives with me. Her pension goes pretty far since she doesn’t pay for any living expenses living with us, and she is financially secure for that reason, which is a great relief to her and my brothers, and would have been to my father. I have the space and can afford her living expenses, so it works out. She slips my sons money here and there and enjoys doing so, but her pension is not that much and I’m not asking for a piece of it for my son’s college–plus she’s not got long to live anyways. Doubt she 's going to make the year, much less 4 more.</p>

<p>OT here, but yes, not all of us have families that can afford to pay for things for us, or will do so even if they can on paper. College is when one really sees this, as it can be a huge expense. Not like buying a computer or cell phone, video games, clothes, etc.</p>

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<p>I’m pretty much in the same boat. The solution is to apply to schools where you are very competitive. At my top choice, I’m actually well above the average student and can expect a nice financial aid package. I’m applying to a few selective schools with merit aid, but the majority of my schools are places that give out lots of merit aid, where I can guess that I’m in a good position to receive lots of merit aid. These schools aren’t quite as prestigious as others that I know I could get into, but I know I’ll be able to afford them.</p>

<p>You could also look into community college and taking AP/DE classes to reduce the number of years you’re in school. Basically, your out of state selective school probably isn’t going to be financially possible. You could go into a ton of debt, but you really really don’t want that. Do a TON of research. There’s thousands of schools in America, you’re bound to find one lower-tier school that will give you lots of aid that you also fall in love with.</p>

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<p>Very true. And chances are, your kids are going to marry someone who doesn’t have that same culture allegiance. I can imagine that there are many Americanized kids who would be annoyed to find out that their ethnic in-laws assume that the couple is going to house and support them. </p>

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<p>Yeah, it’s not something we expect from our kids, just an expectation we grew up with.
I guess we assimilated, lol.</p>

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<p>^^
oh, I didn’t mean you. </p>

<p>there have been posts from immigrants’ kids and their parents are selling/spending everything to send their kid(s) to a pricey school. It’s obvious that the parents think that their kid(s) will support them in their old age. </p>

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<p>Although of course if one of the kids manages to make it to the “richest people in America” list I wouldn’t say no to a nice little retirement cottage on the beach. :wink: </p>