no help from the parents after not accepted to their choice of schools

Paying for College
1

<p>I am a 4.0 GPA senior going to a small and prestigious high school in SoCal. I have relatively wealthy parents who could definitely afford to pay for my undergrad tuition for 4 years and still have enough money for them to play golf every day for the rest of their lives.</p>

<p>My parents are probably the most stereotypical Asian parents out there. I'm the youngest out of 3 kids and I am seen as the most rebellious; however, in terms of school there is no doubt that I cherish every moment I learn. I know that sounds cheesy, but I've been working towards a great college education so I can finally learn in an environment that doesn't include the abuse of my parents. My brother is currently in med school and my sister wants become a lawyer (currently in her freshman year of undergrad), so my parents are pretty content with that. But without me doing the same thing, becoming a doctor or lawyer, they can't fully brag about their lives as the parents of successful children. </p>

<p>Because I am their last child, they expected me to get into the Ivy Leagues, Berkeley, UCLA, USC, and Stanford. However, as I expected, I didn't get into them (nor did I want to go to any of them except maybe Stanford hehe). I got into many other great schools (including my first choice) and I have narrowed down my list to NYU, Pitzer, Occidental, and Tulane. However, my parents are now telling me they won't pay for my college. I've gotten into numerous conversations with them, telling them that life doesn't revolve around the Ivys and the other schools they wanted, but they just won't listen. I plan on having my school's college counselor and even the dean of students to talk to them, but I don't think it will help. My parents are incredibly stubborn and won't let me make my own decisions.</p>

<p>Continuing on, I am faced with a situation that calls for me to find a way to pay for a $50k college myself within a month. My parents always told me they would pay for college, so I didn't feel the need to find extra college money, but now that I've become a "disappointment" to them, they won't even give me a penny. </p>

<p>I will admit to this: I am desperate right now.</p>

<p>I've been doing my best looking into student loans and a way to pay the loans back, but things aren't looking so great. I have been told the option to move out of the house, get a job while attending community college, and go to the college I originally wanted to go to, but I don't know if I can do that. I have a severe case of depression and anxiety that would probably lead to madness. In the past two days I've had two extreme panic attacks and my parents don't seem to care at all about it.</p>

<p>I just need some advice that would most likely help me go to one of the colleges I wanted to. I haven't been being a punk to my parents, in fact I've yielded for most of the part, but no matter how kindly I try to talk to them it ends with them screaming at my face and me crying. I have no other family to talk to, so I feel this is my only way to find help.</p>

<p>Thanks for reading.</p>

2

<p>Your parents want you to remain their baby. The baby that listens and that they have all of the power over because of finances. They think they are trying to give you the best, but they are voiding what you really want. The schools you like are great schools ESPECIALLY if you like them.
I would only recommend going to community college if you are really dedicated to getting out of community college lol. The money you would save would be ridiculous. But can you deal with limited classes? night classes? the stereotypes?
You have to do what you want to do. My parents wanted to kill me when i decided to go to a cc but eventually they got over it. thats the thing with parents, its like they want u to push them.
they want to play hardball so u have to play right back. you sound like a smart kid that can get loans. I know kids parents who are still paying back USC loans.
hope this helps a little bit.</p>

3

<p>HiAcceptMe, thank you! Any kind of advice really does help :)</p>

4

<p>You could pull the “Imma go to community college then” card on your parents. They might die of shame knowing their kid is going to a cc. </p>

<p>Or you could tell your relatives to help you out. Principal probably wont help much, but an aunt who’s really close to mum or dad might.</p>

5

<p>Well, it’s kind of late for them to make this announcement. If you applied to the schools they liked and didn’t get in, what are you supposed to do, really? Do they not understand that even if you had wanted to go to one of their preferred schools, that it is someone else’s decision, not yours, in terms of admissions?</p>

<p>(I mean, you applied right?)</p>

<p>Well, you have a few weeks for them to accept what happened, and I would bet dollars to donuts that they will pay for you to go to college. They just need to adjust their ideas. The worst that will happen is that you may go to community college and, really, that is not a bad thing at all.</p>

6

<p>If the situation is as you describe and they will not pay for the colleges that have accepted you then yes, the community college to UC transfer is an excellent option for you or CC to another college somewhere in two years. The diploma is from the college where you graduate. It is entirely possible your parents are simply denying in their minds what is happending but start the research on the CC where you can hopefully commute.</p>

<p>On your own, you probably would not be able to afford the tuition for the colleges you mention.</p>

7

<p>If indeed you have a 4.0, and you have equivalent ACT/SAT scores, there may still be time to find a place that would be almost free. Start here: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/848226-important-links-automatic-guaranteed-merit-scholarships.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/848226-important-links-automatic-guaranteed-merit-scholarships.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Even if it is too late for this year, if you take a Gap Year and do not enroll in any college classes anywhere, you would be able to apply as a freshman for fall 2012 admissions and you would still be eligible for most of those merit scholarships.</p>

<p>Are your parents paying for your older sibling’s Med School? If so, they might be almost tapped out and feel that only a “top” institution merits stretching themselves any further.</p>

8

<p>What do your want you to do this coming fall? You are not accepted to the colleges they want. They will not pay for the colleges where you have been accepted. There is no way that you are anywhere near likely to get sufficient money from any of those schools to attend with parents who have the ability to pay.
You can’t even borrow the amounts without your parents co signing which really comes down to committing to pay. So what do they want you to do at this point?</p>

<p>Your options right now are to accept one of the schools and ask for a gap year in hopes that your parents will change their minds. You can then spend a year doing some great service and/or research projects, working and maybe taking a course at a local school to hone one of your interests. You can then reapply for next year, and this time be wise enough to include some options that do not depend upon your parents. Perhaps the next time around you will get accepted to a school that they are willing to help you pay. Make sure that you do have financial safety plans, some fail safe options. Look at Momfromtexas’ full need scholarship thread. Look at some community and local college options. Can you live with one of your siblings and commute to a school in that area? Take your parents out of the equation in terms of helping you. If they have a change of heart, fine, but be aware that they do control their own money and 4 years is a long time. My suggestion is to play ball and take a good pre law curriculum–that is so wide open and flexible it should not be a problem and keep law school in the picture to keep them placated. Who knows, you may end up wanting to go there. I know a young man who swore he would not go into law who is now in his second year at law school and loving it. Minds change,especially young ones. You are the one who needs to be flexible here.</p>

9

<p>You can’t borrow much, so that strategy isn’t going to work?</p>

<p>What is your major? </p>

<p>You may need to approach this is a diplomatic fashion. </p>

<p>If you start as pre-med student majoring in something that you want, those classes for the first 2 years can go towards all kinds of majors. Keep in mind that “pre-med” is not a major. you major in what you want. </p>

<p>If you are a pre-med student, would your parents pay?</p>

10

<p>Call the financial aid offices of your choices. I went to a forum where a financial aid counselor from Occidental spoke. She said they work hard to meet students’ need with the students only graduating with about $20k worth of debt. That’s not too bad. However, if you didn’t apply for FA by the deadline, they may not have money left this year. The next step would be to ask for a deferred admission.</p>

<p>I understand the expectations of Asian parents are sometimes extreme. If you don’t see them changing their minds, then it may be wise to find someone else to live with and get a job so you can save money. The problem with staying in their home and being their dependent is that it won’t allow you to declare yourself independent for tax and financial aid purposes. If your parents really aren’t going to pay, you’ll need that EFC to be as low as possible.</p>

11

<p>I’m confused. You did not get into the Ivy’s–so where do your parents want you to go to now? Are they now hoping you will sit home and twiddle your thumbs?</p>

<p>I would attempt to call their bluff and quietly sign up for CC classes at the same time.</p>

12

<p>Since an Ivy is not a possibility, whether your parents want it to be or not, what do they suggest you do for the next 4 years? That’s what I’d ask them. If they don’t have a suggestion that works for you, then I see two options for you (going to your #1 choice is not an option unless you find someone else to pay the cost, because you won’t be able to borrow it, nor do you want to ruin your life by borrowing that much). You can sign up for community college and get a part time job, and aim for transferring after two years. Or you can take a gap year and apply next year to schools that offer merit scholarships. If you take a lot of community college classes next year, you may foreclose the merit scholarship option, because most of these scholarships are offered to incoming freshman, not transfers.</p>

<p>Frankly, from your parents’ perspective, both of those options seem inferior to sending you to one of the schools you’ve been accepted to. Do you think they’re making idle threats?</p>

13

<p>I don’t know if the parents are bluffing or are just upset right now. But the student does need to ask them what they expect him/her to do. Paying the full amount is out of the question. So what do the parents expect the student to do this fall? That is the crucial question.</p>

14

<p>Questions, Time is of the essence. I know your parents are just mad but you are running out of time. Unless you take time off and you can go next year. If you start at Community College and then try to transfer and your parents still will not pay then you will blow all entering freshman scholarship opportunities.</p>

<p>Class Rank?
GPA Weighted and Unweighted?
SAT/ACT Score?
Planned course of study?</p>

15

<p>OP, the Ivy League schools haven’t announced their decisions yet. How do you know that you’ve not gotten in? Same for Stanford, unless you applied there SCEA. So why not just wait until the end of this week, when you’ll have those results in hand? </p>

<p>I’m surprised to hear that a straight-A student wasn’t accepted to either UCLA or Cal. Were your test scores in line with your grades? Was your high school curriculum highly rigorous, or more laid back?</p>

16

<p>Parents like this make me so mad. Can’t they be happy having two high achieving kids?? What do your siblings have to say about this?</p>

<p>I think you had better plan on getting out of your parents house. I assume you are a citizen. I’d go talk to a military recruiter, preferably Navy or Air Force, to find out what options you have. Then you will be 100% on your own, separate from parents who will control you forever, unless they change. Hang in there!</p>

17

<p>Actually, sounds to me like they have 3 high-achieving kids. OP got accepted to some very fine schools; Ivys and popular UCs reject some highly qualified students. My nephew was an excellent student but not accepted to Berkeley or Stanford. There are way more qualified applicants than slots.</p>

<p>Good luck to the OP–hope your parents come around. They sound very ‘brand’ focused --which is sad. All the schools you list are very good, and you sound like a committed student.</p>

18

<p>Everyone, thank you so much for your advice. I really do appreciate all of the help you’re willing to give me.</p>

<p>In response to many comments about merit scholarships, most of the schools have not given me a merit scholarship. My unweighted GPA is currently at a 3.86 and my weighted is a 4.0. I did get a $19.5k scholarship from USF and a $15k scholarship from Tulane, but my parents don’t want me to go to New Orleans (although I think that would be such an amazing experience) and USF I guess is for “dumb kids” (my parents’ words, not mine. Yeah, how ridiculous and pretentious is that?!). I was originally going to apply for financial aid, but my parents told me I didn’t have to do it at the last moment. I wish I could have just submitted it all, but I can’t anymore.</p>

<p>Here are more of my school stats:
Class rank: my school doesn’t give one
SAT: 2080
Study: chemistry or psychology with a film minor
Courseload: I moved here from Canada for my sophomore and on, so the freshman courses, although rigorous, would probably be kinda meaningless to post. Sophomore year the school didn’t give me a choice to take the APs available for sophomores, but I took the max number of classes. Junior year I took on 3 APs and 2 honors. That was difficult, especially because I took the hardest science AP then and my school was forcing me to take a difficult might-as-well-be-an-AP french class, but I still managed to keep a B+ average for that year. This year I’m taking 4 difficult APs and another science course, all of which ended with an A- or A to make up for my junior year. Needless to say I worked my arse off to have an impressive resume with only a very few laid-back classes.</p>

<p>I was surprised at not getting into those UCs, but I think it had to do with my SAT scores and junior year blip. I know a girl who has a lower GPA and less activities than me, but she had an almost perfect SAT score and got in. And those who were international students (meaning they have enough money to pay for the international tuition) also got in. The UCs are really looking for great SATs and money, so I’ve found out.</p>

<p>My siblings aren’t helpful. My brother in med school went to UCI and my sister currently attends there, so my parents are very happy with that. I didn’t get into UCI. Again, I do have those stats I mentioned, however, I know being a minority or someone with money really helps for the Asian-heavy UCs. I know a girl who is at a 3.5 weighted GPA, but got into that school because of her ethnicity and another girl who again, same deal with the GPA, but is an international student. I know that sounds like I’m just ragging on them, but I’m really not (although I’m a little peeved at Irvine for doing that after sending me so many honors programs things). It’s something that colleges do, no matter how hard people say it is an equal process. I am not the most impressive Asian student in the UCs eyes, and I’m fine with that.</p>

19

<p>Thank you paperplane. It’s true, they are very very very VERY brand-focused. They do that with the clothes, shoes, purses, and golf clubs they buy.</p>

20

<p>ikbanjo, Just so you know, the advice by Twokids2educ8 will not work. Just because you are independent for taxes will not make you independent for financial aid. </p>

<p>As far as financial aid, if your parents are willing to fill out a FAFSA, you could take out $5500 in loans. </p>

<p>Realistically, the first thing you need to do is sit your parents down and ask them what they want you to do. If they don’t respond, you need to tell them you will either have to: 1- go to cc or 2- join the military. Fwiw, the military may not be a bad idea because it would cut your ties permanently, give you gi benefits for education and make you independent for financial aid. </p>

<p>If your parents are willing to pay for college as long as your are pre-law or pre-med, then just take the courses that go hand-in-hand with one of them. Remember that pre-law doesn’t have any prerequisite courses.</p>