My recommender is screwing me over. What can I do?

Graduate School
1

<p>I'm applying for an MA in international relations at several of the top schools - I won't list them, but it seems that all of them are very explicit that all of the recommendations have to be received by the due date, or else the application is considered late and may not be seen. I have three people who are writing most of the recommendations, and two of them generally finish everything within a few days of receiving the forms I send them. This is my academic reference, and also a former Chinese teacher to comment on my language abilities. The third one is my professional reference, my boss at an internship I had a while ago. She has never gotten a recommendation done sooner than a few hours before the deadline, and that was only one of them. The rest of them have all been late. One of them a couple of days late, one of them due on Wednesday which still hasn't been submitted, and one of them that was supposed to be early application but now I'm worried about if it's going to make the regular deadline. She's having technical problems with that one, and I emailed the school (and they haven't been too helpful either,) but she has had technical problems with practically every one, and she's never proactive about solving them.</p>

<p>I've been calling her practically every day - this requires staying up late at night, since I have an 11 hours time difference, and this hasn't done anything to reduce my stress level - and she is always complaining about having stuff to do. Which would be perfectly reasonable, if she could find time on her own to do these without me having to bug her, but I keep having to call her, and I don't know how many ways to explain that this has to be in by the deadline. At one point she asked me "are you going to put me on your payroll;" if I remember right last night when I was on the phone with her she flat-out stated "this is getting tiresome." I don't know if this represents some negative feelings towards me, but if that's the case she can just write about that in the letter, and turn it in on time, and then at least the thing will get seen by the admissions committee.</p>

<p>Part of this problem is that my work experience is a little thin, and this was the only substantial internship I had. After that internship, I did some temp work - they won't do recommendations, only references - and went to teach English in China. I've seen the recommendations my school does, it's not much more than a form letter. I think it would look a bit strange on my application. The last bunch of applications are due on the 15th. Yesterday this recommender said she'd take care of them as a bunch, and just get this thing done - but today, it still hasn't happened. I'm wondering whether it wouldn't be too late to try to change to get my present employer to do the recommendations. Even if it would be a little last-minute by this point, I'm still thinking about it...otherwise, what can I say to her? After all she is doing me a favor. ...I'm worried that this issue is going to keep me from going to graduate school next year.</p>

2

<p>Can you contact the schools and let them know the problem? They may have a solution or tell you it's not that important. At the same time you can express your strong desire to attend and you are doing everything within your power to ensure your application is complete.</p>

3

<p>I had this same problem (my recommender ended up getting everything in two weeks late!). </p>

<p>It sounds like she's going to do it in the next few days. If you haven't already replied, I would just give her a big "Thank you!" and leave it at that. You don't want to pester her when she's writing the recs. </p>

<p>Then I would call or email the schools you are applying to. Apologize for the rec being late, but let them know that they should be there shortly. As long as they know they're on the way, it shouldn't be a big deal.</p>

4

<p>First, I would stop calling. You chose reasonably intelligent referees, right? After being told three or four times how important the deadline is, I assume she gets it. Of course she's beginning to harbor negative feelings. Wouldn't you if you promised to do something for an employee, and that employee had so little confidence and respect for you that they harped endlessly about how important it was and called every night to ask if it was done?</p>

<p>This isn't to say I'm on her side; you'd think she could put a different address on one of the letters she's already written and be done with it. But I doubt she'll want to listen to you or do anything for you if you keep this up. If you can, get the university to bug her instead. If the secretary can send a reminder note saying "So-and-so has listed you as a referee, but we have not received a letter," that would be fantastic, but if not you just have to let your former boss do things her own way and notify the department of "extenuating circumstances that have regrettably prevented the referee from submitting her letter."</p>

5

<p>Thank you for your suggestions, and I emailed the one school last night to apologize. Depending on how long this goes on, I could try asking them to call her too later.</p>

<p>I should clarify, I haven't been calling her every night just to ask her about the status - it's just that technical matters always seem to come up which require my attention (since most of these recommendations are online.) Also, she doesn't answer my emails.</p>

<p>I probably need to cool down a bit...hopefully with the weekend I'll get some rest and a better perspective on things.</p>