<h2>Oh dear, I wrote another long post. I’m not trying to bully a child into preferring Oberlin v. Kenyon here. Rather, I’m trying to explore what might have caused him to conclude “not mainstream enough” to see if that was a shallow or continuing problem for that child. FWIW…</h2>
<p>I’m actually surprised that a possible English/writing major, who applied to that list, prizes “mainstream” so much as a value. It just doesn’t fit together for me. So, I think the conversation I’d be having would be to find out exactly, specifically what was meant by “not mainstream enough” at his post-application tour to Oberlin. If you were there, you might already know; if he went without you, try if he’ll say what is causing him to label the college that way. And why “not mainstream enough” should be allowed to stand as reason not to attend. (maybe yes, maybe no…but I feel as though you don’t fully understand what’s making your child back off because of this memory of his visit.) </p>
<p>If, for example, the Oberlin campus visit was the first time ever my child had ever met a transgendered person up close, and had never thought much about the issue…it shocked him and he hasn’t been able to talk it over yet with anyone at home… well, that’s really worth talking over, especially if it’s causing him to turn down a good merit package to attend.</p>
<p>If he’s multiplying that kind of shock/surprise over many times in his mind, it might just be too much to imagine feeling okay. He’s young. But “students come to college to grow and change” (quoting my Obie-grad daughter). In a social setting over time, one does become accustomed to ideas, sights and sounds that at first were shocking. Said more simply above, “students adjust.” </p>
<p>If it’s too much of a stretch to even imagine being cool about sharing a 15-person English seminar with one transgendered person in the room, even after a chance to think about this for awhile and discuss with you…if it just has him doing emotional somersaults, then I kind of agree: Oberlin is “not mainstream enough” for your child. </p>
<p>I’d go into it a bit with the student, too. I’d ask: can you imagine or have confidence to imagine this about yourself: is it possible that by sophomore year (not freshman, not senior), you might grow into being personally comfortable with people who are very different? </p>
<p>Tolerance is, I think, a prerequisite for Oberlin. It’s not a prerequisite to be very different onesself. It’s not required to be already comfortable with surprising differences by age 17/18. I’m saying instead: do you feel like you’d grow into being comfortable bumping into someone who presents very differently? If so, you’ll adjust. Or, do you prefer to line up every choice (major, location, friendship circles) so your life barrels down the mainstream, with some blinders put on voluntarily to keep discomfort far from your door? A lot of people live that way, but it’s impossible to live with blinders on at Oberlin for 4 years. </p>
<p>There’s another way in which Oberlin might not feel “mainstream enough” for him. The airtime given to hearing out all the alternative positions, activities might be a cumulative problem in which he feels as though he’d always be on the outside. On that, too, I’d say this (because a goodly percentage of my immediate family are Oberlin alums): the Oberlin ethic is that nobody is an outsider. If anything, the big discovery that takes as long as freshman orientation is this: anyone who was a slight outlier in h.s. no longer has to live with that duality for the next 4 years at Oberlin. All the h.s. outsiders are now catapulted into being part of the “in group” as there is no longer an “in vs. out” group mentality. As for those who always enjoyed social acceptance and praise…they’re still on the inside, but with much more company.</p>
<p>If, after a second visit, he just feels that the amount of airtime devoted there to alternative themes, from transgender to vegan etc. is irritating, the flip side is that the school nurtures the kind of thinking that leads to genuine innovation in every academic and government area (Oberlin '82 alum is now head of Centers for Disease Control, in my generation someone figured out how to make wheelchairs for third-world countries, Julie Taymor of Lion King fame put together puppetry in Bali with her Oberlin religion major to come up with a new art form…etc etc etc). I’m wondering how an English major/writer could NOT be turned on by a college that turns out people like that, time and again. </p>
<p>BUt I’d explore the “mainstream” issue in depth to find out what all that means to him, and see if it can be re-examined more productively. And certainly have him read all the Student Voices, as published on the Oberlin website, if he hasn’t yet done so. That’s a real cross-section.</p>