So my son picked his essay topic for the common app and I wanted to run it by the CC veterans. He chose to write about a time when he was younger and a mouse was in our house and my wife wanted to kill it and my son said no and he set about building a trap (showing his inventiveness) and letting it go ( I drove him to the woods to release it once I got home from work).
To him this was important, and I love his caring nature, I’m just not sure this would be the best topic for his common app. First, we have had a few mice in the house and writing about that is not necessarily a good thing-we keep a clean house but they get in once a year it seems from the outside. Second, is this a topic ad coms would be interested in? He wrote it well-he was going to polish it up-but I’m not sure if I should ask him to write a second topic.
Just make sure to cue “Ben” by MJ when the adcoms read it… I think that sounds like an interesting topic. But I’ve had pet mice and rats for years, so I’m a little biased.
I see no reason why it can’t be a great insight into who you son is. (And I wouldn’t sweat the mice thing… anyone who has lived with a neighbor doing a rebuild or near a field has dealt with the problem.)
But if he’s open to the idea, why not attempt a second essay, then choose the better of the two?
bkjmom- I was considering that-that’s why I was asking. He was talking about one on music before he decided on the mouse essay, but then that one sounds like it would not set him apart from all the other students writing about music. That’s why I’m on the fence with this…
Just be sure the focus of the essay is on telling something about him and not just relaying a story. As long as that is the case, it should be fine. Let him give it a try. Or he could outline both ideas and see which seems better (my D did that with two ideas and it helped her decide which direction to go).
The story does show how you son is willing to voice his point of view and respectfully challenge a decision that he thought was wrong. It also demonstrates that he was able to present an alternate solution which worked out well for all involved including the mouse.
In business, these are the types of individuals my company and I want to hire.
Good luck to you and your son.
I agree that it should focus on him and not just telling a story.
“First, we have had a few mice in the house and writing about that is not necessarily a good thing-we keep a clean house but they get in once a year it seems from the outside.”
I went to an Ivy League school. They had cockroaches. Two kinds, American and German. Also had ants. Sorority house had mice. I luckily only had ants once in my room, and only saw roaches wandering around outside (yes, during the day even).
So please do not think that having one mouse in the house would be enough to scare adcoms, they probably have mice traps in their offices.
Second, is this a topic ad coms would be interested in? He wrote it well-he was going to polish it up-but I’m not sure if I should ask him to write a second topic."
It’s a fairly interesting topic. But like with everything, it’s better to have choice and suggest perhaps write up an alternative.
Unless he is like my son, who needed 20 ideas from us to settle on one idea, and it was the day before the apps were due and he was waffling around trying to finish up his essay. Then stick with this topic…
I really like this premise and I think if he writes it well it could be an interesting read. However, I don’t think it should take up the entirety of his essay. Will he talk about his passion for living creatures? Does he volunteer at a rescue center? Does he walk dogs as a way to make money? Does he have any pets other than the usual cat or dog? Is he pursuing engineering? Has he invented other gadgets? What other times in his life has he showed compassion? I think he should use this anecdote as a springboard for his essay. Best of luck.
I don’t think you need to expand this into some grand theme, especially if it’s a relatively short essay. In my opinion, the essay has two main purposes: (1) to suggest to the admissions officer that this kid is somebody they’d like to have around and (2) to provide an interesting detail that the admissions officer is likely to remember. I think this topic achieves both.
While on tour at UPenn, a senior spoke of the essay that got her in…it was about two grocery stores in her neighborhood…one had a line for “10 or fewer” items and the other '10 or less" and she found herself unable to shop at the latter.
I think the essay is fine (and most of us have had to deal with some type of critter at some point in our home!) I will admit though if I were the reader I might get the “heebie jeebies”. So there’s always that to consider.
But I am torn between the conflicting advice in #9 and #10 above. My first thought was similar to #9 — expand it to something about his personality or activities now. I was a little concerned about how long ago this event happened, since I assume the adcoms want to know about the kid they are admitting now. If it can be related to who he is now, that might help. OTOH, I agree with #10, it does serve to present your S as an interesting person with a story that will be remembered!
Could be a great essay if he can pull it off without sounding cliche. One way to make it more about him (vs. telling a story) would be to somehow have catching and releasing the mouse represent something about him on a broader context- incite that would give adcoms a peek at what makes him tick- interest/passion (inventiveness), or intellectual curiosity, or moral code or all of the above if it makes sense etc. The essay is a chance for these kids to show what is in their soul, and using a story like that can be an effective way to reveal that which can’t be gleaned from the rest of the application. But he has to dig deep to pull it off!
My own D went through many drafts trying to draw out that kind of incite. It takes time and quite a few edits. She had a unique story that early on was the main part of the essay but by the end it was merely an interesting vehicle through which she delivered her broader message. I think your son’s story might work well for that purpose if he can take it to a meaningful level.
I think it could definitely work. I like how the topic is so unique. It’s not like so many of the cliche topics that hundreds and thousands of applicants send in. I think admissions will appreciate this. I think that this topic has the possibility to show his true self/personality. I would make sure that it is long enough to get the whole point across. If possible, I’d definitely mention something about how this helped start his love for animals, nature, etc. if applicable. I think this topic looks even better if he wants to major in something environment-related.
I don’t want to quibble too much, but it’s much better to show than to tell. In my opinion, this story pretty much speaks for itself. This kid didn’t want the mouse to be killed, but he know it had to go, so he built a live trap, and they took the mouse and released it. That tells us a lot about what kind of person he is, without the need for any explanation. My advice would be to simply tell the story, with as much interesting detail as possible. The conclusions to be drawn from it are clear enough.
I think it is a terrific topic. My D’s high school had one of the best college counseling departments on the face of the planet. This is just the type of essay that they were trying to get out of their seniors. A “small” or “every day” occurrence that when broken down reveals something positive about the applicant.
OP when I read your post I immediately “liked” your son. That’s what he’s aiming for in his essay.
Sorry to be so blunt, but I think this is really bad advice. Go with Hunt’s suggestions in post 10. The essay is supposed to give insight into who the applicant is not reiterate accomplishments or describe activities that are described elsewhere in the app. The essay topic can work out very well, as long as the essay shows your son to be likable and is well written.
I do have one concern though. You mentioned that the event described in the essay happened when your son was younger. If it happened prior to high school it may no longer be relevant as most people change quite a bit during their high school years.
OP here- Lots of great points and advice here-thanks.
CHD2013-I see your point and may see if he can find a way to make that relevant to my son at 18. He is not going into engineering-he is very good at science but wants to go into political science- maybe something on sticking up for the underdog (undermouse?) and protecting those without power? Is that too over the top?
Lots of good advice here. I, too, was wondering how old your S was when this happened. If it’s much before HS, or possibly MS, it’s too long ago. What he really has here is the opportunity to inject a little humor / levity into the essay. That can go a long way. Personally, I would bracket the essay with the mouse story: start and end with it. Weave something seemingly unconnected - but ultimately surprisingly connected - in the middle. This is NOT a list of other animal activist things he’s done. It is nothing that will be listed elsewhere on his Common App. It’s another story that lets the adcom view your S from a slightly different angle that, surprisingly, makes sense and reinforces the image he is striving to create. Not sure if this post makes sense - but hopefully it does. I, for one, would be happy to read a draft of his essay if you would care to PM me. Good luck.