My supplemental essay.

<p>I found myself sprawled on the floor of my living room semi-conscious. I believed myself to be doomed. My mother, who had been suffering from Chronic Hepatitis C, was diagnosed with Cirrhosis. Soon she was hospitalized. For days, I was able to do little else but re-analyze my significantly altered situation; I couldn't think the same way I did beforehand. “How could I possibly go on without her”? I tried not to show my anxiety; I knew I had to remain strong for my dad and for her. </p>

<p>I’d wake up at 5:00 every morning to make the dinner that my dad and I would eat later that night, to clean up the house, and to get ready for school. After school, I would walk to Atlantic Avenue and take the bus to the hospital. I would make jokes and laugh with my mom, pretending not to notice her pallid face, tear filled eyes, and aged hands. My dad would come after work, usually around five, and we’d stay with her till seven. At home, I’d re-heat the food that I had prepared that morning and we’d eat in silence, neither of us willing to talk. My dad would then depart to the solace of his room. This was supposed to be the first of the four best years of my life; it didn’t turn out that way. Sleep was sporadic at best, schoolwork unimportant; my grades quickly became sub par. At the time, nothing mattered.</p>

<p>Though I wish I could say that I gathered the pieces of my heart together and rebuilt it into a newer and stronger one, that I was able to spring back to my feet and move on, I couldn’t. I was young and innocent, not at all prepared to be facing real adult situations. Losing my mother, my hero, terrified me. </p>

<p>Slowly my mother began to look and feel better. My dad brought her home, and although she was still sick, her surgery had left her feeling better. It took a long time, a little over a year in fact, to come to terms with the situation. I learned to accept the disease; it was a reflection of the unpredictable, dynamic quality of life. However, with the permission of my mother, I began to search for help, for a cure. I found an internship with Dr. Slavin, many of whose patients are victims of Hepatitis C. With the patients’ approval, I was able to document the progression of their disease. I hope to expand on the preliminary research that I have done with Dr. Slavin in college and to help my mother (and others) in her fight. </p>

<p>During the past two years, I feel that I have grown as a person. I’ve made a diligent effort in returning to my prior “blueprint”. While things didn’t work out the way I had planned, I look at myself as a person who has profoundly changed from a lost and terrified innocent to an intellectually and academically motivated adult. Although I view my first year of high school as a terrible time—given my growth, ability and desire since—I look to college with ready enthuse, and am certain of my potential for continued success. Throughout these past years, I feel I have gained the momentum I need to be on the right track.</p>

<p>This is a working draft, any comments would be appreciated.</p>

<p>This is good. A little dry. For supplemental, you mean "tell us anything you want us to know"? I'll offer a little constructive criticism.</p>

<p>I don't really like the opening sentence--it made me think you were the sick one, and when we find out it's your mom, it seems a bit off that you act sick. Did you really lose conciousnesss? That seemed like an out of place exaggeration. Try a couple other descriptions.</p>

<p>There's a couple of other phrases that strike me as off. Returning to former "blueprint" doesn't work for me. Blueprint is a guide for making something else, not for returning to a former condition. "ready enthuse" enthuse is a verb and does not work gramatically, I don't think.</p>

<p>"Although I view my first year of high school as a terrible time—given my growth, ability and desire since—I look to college..." I thought the time was terrible because of your mom, but now it's terrible because of things that occurred since? Doesn't quite make sense.</p>

<p>The timing mentioned confuses the reader a bit. last paragraph opens with 2 years, ends with "these few years". Maybe you should be more direct and clear about what year you were in when it started and wen she got better.</p>

<p>We don't see your whole application package, but it does seem like you have a hidden agenda. Are trying to explain poor grades? If not, then rewrite so as to get rid of this impression. If so, you may want to highlight when your grades improved and give a little more reason why you are "certain of my potential for continued success".</p>