I do want to say one thing. There is no necessity for any student to,attend a $60,000 a year college if the family is not totally on board. In almost every case, there are more affordable options. For a student who is really a competitive applicant to many of those elite schools, that same student could garner merit aid elsewhere, and the family income would not matter…custodial or non-custodial.
In many of the discussions on this forum, the focus when discussing non-custodial parent contributions is on those Profile schools which are very costly…all of them.
The OP even states that his D has some very affordable choices, but doesn’t want to attend them. Why? What is the magic about making your parents crazy over a $60,000 a year school that someone thinks they can’t afford?
Looking at affordable options Isnt the worst thing in the world. And especially when it can preserve family peace.