There seems to be some confusion.
I filled out the CSS NCP Profile. I am not trying to withhold my information from the schools. In fact, I would try to show it to D1, if I didn’t expect she would immediately share it with her mother, who would then immediately try to make trouble for me. I will nevertheless go over all details of income and expenses with D1 when we see her FA offers and she needs to make a final decision about where to send her deposit.
I am not complaining about my taxes, not now, not ever. I happen to think the government does incredibly important work, that cannot be effectively done by any lesser entity.
I hope the schools do not in any way violate confidentiality by breaking down how much they think they can get out of each parent.
I cannot pay my household expenses on my income alone. My wife is now working a temporary contract; she has nothing pending for when that ends. If my wife gets a regular job, then I expect to be able to contribute to D1’s college costs. If my wife does not have a regular job, then I cannot commit to any amount. The end of CS simply means that I’ll be able to resume paying down my own student loans and my attorney’s fees; I won’t have it available as extra cash at the end of each month. It’s not sitting around waiting for me to come up with something to spend it on.
I fully expect that the 3 private schools that use NCP Profile will all find that the EFC, given incomes from 2 working parents and 2 stepparents (as of today both technically working), is larger than the estimated cost of attendance. Therefore I believe they will simply say there is no financial need. For example, if they think her mother could contribute $30k and they think I could contribute $40k (to pick sufficiently large numbers), I expect and hope they will simply say something like, “Expected Family Contribution: $60k (full estimated cost of attendance).” The reason I expect this is because D1’s mother and her husband live in an economically depressed area and have a six figure income. I live in a more expensive area but also have a six figure income.
If D1 gets into a super selective school such that I think the mere name on her degree would open doors for her throughout life, (example: Ivy), then I would try to come up with more money than I had planned on, if needed. Even then, what could be done is far from unlimited. But I do think it would be buying advantages for her, above and beyond the value of the education itself. Other schools schools, that do not provide such advantages, would not be worth forcing my wife and children to go without, no matter how much D1 likes the other schools.
I have no legal or moral obligation to pay anything. If it weren’t for her mother’s unending litigation, I would have at least $50k-$75k sitting around and available, instead of my attorney using it to put her own kids through college. If D1 doesn’t like the limitations on how much money there isn’t, she has my full sympathy; there could have been so much more money and so many more options open (and so much less acrimony) had things been otherwise. But you can wish into one hand and spit into the other, and just see which one fills up first. Regret won’t change the situation.
If anyone thinks my starting another family was foolish, you may be right. However, that is the most important thing to me in life, to have and raise children of my own. If you think that was selfish, F you; it was not my choice or action to break up the first family or live childlessly.
“If you go to a Virginia school and I am not claiming you as my dependent on my state and federal taxes, then you should be prepared to pay the OOS tuition surcharge after your first year. I don’t think that’s a risk worth taking, but the decision is your mother’s. If I am claiming you and your’e in a Virginia school, I will do everything I possibly can to make sure you won’t have to leave due to lack of contribution from me; it’s up to you to get your mother’s contribution from her, I’m never speaking to her again. If you are not in a Virginia school, I will simply contribute what I can. I do not now know how much that will be.”