<p>My son has signed a letter of intent to play college football. He also got an academic scholarship that he accepted. A couple of weeks ago he said he wasn't sure he wanted to go away to school or play football. We feel that he committed to the school - both by accepting the athletic scholarship and the academic scholarship. We've talked to him about the coaches counting on him to show up, he shouldn't have accepted the recruting trip and scholarship if he had any doubts, etc...
He keeps saying that it's his life and that he wants to go to the local college, but that he hasn't made up his mind yet.
We've also told him that a lot of kids get cold feet about going away to school, but that it's a wonderful opportunity and if he doesn't go, he will never be able to know what it's like to play college ball.
Is there anything else we can do - besides pray that he makes the best decision?</p>
<p>I would back off a little for a bit. It sounds like he is panicking and you don’t want to get into a power struggle with him now. Acknowledge that it is, indeed, his life and his decision and validate that it is a big step moving away from home. And then step back and wait for him to work through this…or not.</p>
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<p>This was a trip to the school for him to check it out and decide if he wanted to play, right? If so, there was nothing wrong with him going on the trip if he was unsure.</p>
<p>I think the best advice would be for him to talk to someone at the school (like a fellow player) about his concerns or make another trip (at his expense) if he is unsure.</p>
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<p>Pray that he makes the best decision or pray that he decides to go to the school with the academic and athletic scholarship?</p>
<p>The only person who knows what the best decision is is your son.</p>
<p>For the vast majority of college athletic scholarship recipients their sport becomes their defacto major. Their coaches, their schedule, their fellow teammates and the weight of school tradition will insist upon such. Especially when the sport is football, (which in a scholarship school means he will playing spring ball too.) Food for thought.</p>
<p>Your son doesn’t owe the school his guaranteed attendance. He can still think it over, and he can still change his mind.</p>
<p>There is quite a bit of research online about the academic success of football players in college, and it really varies from school to school. Some schools don’t do such a great job of actually graduating their players. Although I don’t know anything about the schools your son is considering, it is quite possible that the choice of attending college closer to home, and not playing football, might be the better choice academically in the long run. Maybe his instincts are right.</p>
<p>Well, I think you should listen to your son. Maybe he’d like a more flexible schedule, more time to study, and a lower risk of injury.</p>
<p>Just wondering if you have asked him why he is re thinking his decision? Yes sometimes kids get nervous about big commitments; but sometimes they have good reasons.</p>
<p>peato772—This is a difficult decision for your son especially since his parents feel he should continue playing in college. It sounds like he may have a good reason and that is what you want to find out. I would suggest asking him what his reasons are before he does accept. I am so concerned about students receiving academic scholarships especially athletes because I wonder what happens if the kid doesn’t cut it their first year. Did the school set specific guidelines as to what his GPA needs to be for that first year? Did they tell him that his GPA will determine his playing ability on the team? If so he may feel they have set the bar too high for him as a entering freshman playing a sport.</p>
<p>I assume he has already visited and spent some time at the college. Can he go visit again, perhaps and overnight visit with a boy already on the team? I think it is normal to get nervous thinking about your first year of college when you don’t play sports but doubley (is that a word???) so when you do. I suggest calling the coach and asking him to arrange an overnight visit. It would be worth the money.</p>
<p>“Your son doesn’t owe the school his guaranteed attendance. He can still think it over, and he can still change his mind.”</p>
<p>I disagree with this statement. Your son signed a Nationl Letter of Intent, which is a binding, legal contract. Now, we all know that contracts can and are broken, but the fact remains that you and your son entered into a binding contract, for a sum of money as consideration. I personally feel that your son does “owe the school” and the coach his attendance, unless there are some very compelling extenuating circumstances. He has taken an opportunity away from another athlete and by accepting a merit scholarship also, possibly another student as well. The coach put a lot of time and money into recruiting him and he liked the school/coach/team enough to sign a binding contract with them. Obviously, the decision must be what is in the best interest of your son, but whatever his concerns are should have been addressed long before this. I think this is a valuable lesson for your son to learn that his word means something and that following through with your commitments is what being a man is all about. If it were me, I would do everything in my power to help him become comfortable with his decision to attend and play ball at this school. If after a year, he is still unhappy, then at least he has honored his commitment and tried to make it work.</p>
<p>I also think that arranging an overnight would be a great idea. Spending some more time on campus might help him to be more comfortable with his commitment. If that is not possible, at the very least, your son should call and talk to the coach about his reservations. I am sure the coach has dealt with this. </p>
<p>I hope this post doesn’t sound too harsh, I really don’t mean it to be. I just think that people are too quick to disregard that fact that your son has made a commitment and entered into a binding contract regarding that commitment. To me, this should not be taken lightly. I do wish the best of luck to you and your son. I hope that he gets over his cold feet and has an awesome first year college experience!</p>
<p>peato,
My mom reassured me, oh so many moons ago, when I was faced with a go away/live at home college decision. She advised that I go away, try it; if I didn’t feel comfortable after a semester I could come home, the family and the local school would still be there. She didn’t want me to wonder later on, ‘What if?’</p>
<p>It helped me form my personal motto, ‘Do not close doors that cannot be reopened.’</p>
<p>I agree w/fishymom: Advise the additional trip. Then ask him to open up to you about if it’s just butterflies or does his instinct tell him something’s not right (shady characters on coaching staff or team, feel that they’re just using him, etc.).</p>
<p>Has he shown that he’s a good judge of character and situations? Is he mature for his age now? Has he made good and hard choices before? If he’s shown a good track record – there may be something to his current hesitation and he would need a wise and listening ear from you and spouse to work it out. </p>
<p>Good luck to you and him.</p>
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I would just quibble with this–he probably doesn’t know what the best decision is, either–although he does have to make the decision.</p>
<p>I’m not sure if I understand the athletic and academic scholarship combo thing. I assume this is not a Division I school that has to comply with NCAA rules. </p>
<p>But regardless of the scholarship implications, your son will GREATLY appreciate you being sensitive to his plight.</p>
<p>I was in a similar situation back in the dark ages. I had a chance to play DI football, but knew that I wanted to get a degree in engineering. I played football for my first two years, then quit to concentrate on my studies. College football is a full time job. Much like a conservatory for music or theatre, your time is consumed by the game for most of the year. And when you get out of practice, it is tough to grind out 3 or 4 hours of homework. </p>
<p>Plus, college football is a business, with lots of politics involved. There’s no way to say this tactfully, but sometimes college football is not nearly as fun as it was in high school. (That is very much a function of the individual player, his talents, and his expectations.) </p>
<p>As parents, you are probably elated and proud that your son has been given an opportunity to play ball in college. Only a small percentage of kids get that chance.</p>
<p>But I urge you to support him as he makes his own decision.</p>
<p>Hey, I would be more concerned if my child wasn’t having some doubts/cold feet. It’s natural (and mature) to wonder if one is making the right decision. Often, only the naive just dive into something without some “cold feet reflection.”</p>
<p>Right now, your son doesn’t trust YOUR advice because he believes that you want him to go. You need to REPAIR that first, before he’ll be open to talking to you and listening to you.</p>
<p>Apologize for having a strong opinion about this and invite him to share his concerns. Quietly listen. Have him make a Pro and Con list. Let the list sit for a bit and then discuss it. </p>
<p>Have him visit this school and his second choice school again. He may decide that he prefers the football school over the second choice school (or vice versa).</p>
<p>I think “cold feet” is the right term. He’s having buyer’s remorse, perhaps because he has succombed to pressure or to flattery, and is having normal second thoughts, feeling like the decision wasn’t entirely his own.</p>
<p>He might also be seeing friends making different decisions, which will cause him to question his own.</p>
<p>If he were my kid, I would acknowledge that these feelings are normal. I would suggest that he make a list of positives and negatives, about going or not going. Include legal and financial ramifications, as well as affect on his reputation and his future. Once he understands all the pros and cons, let him make his own decision with the understanding that it is his alone to live with. Sometimes seeing it in black and white helps to understand it, and by doing it this way, the decision becomes his alone.</p>
<p>And I also agree with the suggestions to visit again, and to talk with other students.</p>
<p>Is there a new local girlfriend?</p>
<p>Friends who’s kids have gone on to play D1 sports- football, track, water polo, swimming, ski racing, crew, sailing, baseball ( know well at least one athlete in each sport) all report that it is more than a full time job- training at least 30 hrs a week, weight training, films, it goes on and on, let alone the trips to play other teams or tournaments. Often there is academic support but that does not add time to a packed day, or make an athlete less tired- academics take a distant second, and so does the social aspect of college. </p>
<p>The real problem is when the student has been accepted to a reach “Dream” school- often competitive academics- the dream often becomes much less so. And when it includes an Ivy, or non-scholly situation (not a money sport)- after a few months the parents are screaming that they have to pay tuition and off season travel when the athlete works so hard YEAR AROUND. </p>
<p>Every time I hear these stories I think, college sports are out of hand. Now, the big money sports, such as football, I think it best to plan on it being his full time job, and really only worth it if he can go up to the pro’s. Don’t count on this being a free education, most likely he will only matriculate. Very hard to do both, and parents need to really understand this is not high school sports at all. The coach can really break an athlete down, and it can be a very negative experience.</p>
<p>As for signing a national letter of intent- I do not consider this to be a parent contract at all. The parent will not be going to school, nor playing the sport.</p>
<p>Make no mistake, if it suits the coach, and he has second thoughts, he will cut your son from the team whenever and however he feels like it. These are not character building moments I can assure you- crushing is more like it.</p>
<p>@ fishymom, your information is incorrect. Here is a link to the National Letter of Intent website, with a page explaining the penalties for a student who does not attend the institution: <a href=“http://www.ncaa.org/wps/wcm/connect/2f47b5004e0dc6de94eff41ad6fc8b25/Appeals+Process+Sheet+.pdf?MOD=AJPERES&CACHEID=2f47b5004e0dc6de94eff41ad6fc8b25[/url]”>http://www.ncaa.org/wps/wcm/connect/2f47b5004e0dc6de94eff41ad6fc8b25/Appeals+Process+Sheet+.pdf?MOD=AJPERES&CACHEID=2f47b5004e0dc6de94eff41ad6fc8b25</a>.</p>
<p>The only penalty, if an athlete walks away from a letter of intent, is that he or she can not play a sport at any institution for one semester. And this penalty is waived if the institution releases the student from the LOI. This site includes the documentation to file an appeal, in case the student in this case decides he wants to play football somewhere else. However, as I understand it, this is a case of a student who’s thinking of giving up football, so the whole thing is moot.</p>
<p>To sum up (again), the young man in this case is free to decide to not play football and attend another institution.</p>
<p>Sorry CalAlum, I gave no incorrect information. I am well aware of the terms of the NLOI, being a coach and having a child who is a student-athlete in the recruiting process. It is indeed a binding contract with penalites for breaking it. I never stated what the penalties are because I do not think that is the issue.</p>
<p>“To sum up (again), the young man in this case is free to decide to not play football and attend another institution.” </p>
<p>It is my opinion that that the time to make that decision was BEFORE this young man signed a National Letter of Intent AND accepted an additional academic scholarship. All the things that have been said about college athletics are true, it is a full-time and extremely demanding job. But this is not new information, this young man should have known this and discussed the implications of this with his parents and coaches thoroughly prior to signing the NLOI. Again, in my opinion, since he made a commitment to the school, coach and team by signing the NLOI and receiving athletic scholarship money in exchange for signing the contract, this young man should make every effort to follow through with that commitment. To me, it is a matter of integrity. </p>
<p>While it is true that he can renege on his commitment, choose not to play and attend another school, I personally feel that it is the wrong choice. Obviously, it is not my choice to make. But if it were my child, I would do everything in my power to help him feel good about his decision to sign the NLOI and encourage him to fulfill his commitment. After a year, if he is still unhappy, I would encourage him to seek out a situation that would make him happy.</p>