I’m willing to send him to admitted students day, that was my first thought, but on second thought I need to suss out his frame of mind. It’s different from a kick the tires kind of visit that we did before, if he goes determined to not like it.
I didn’t get the impression that OP isn’t willing to take him. She says she will in the original post but had waited to see what happened RD.
OP, my D is a first year at Oberlin, not a musician or overly artsy and has been very very happy there. She has found a wide range of friends there beyond the crunchy, artsy types, including athletes, nerds and more mainstream kids - kind, open, super smart kids. Her classes have been challenging and she has been extremely impressed with the both the faculty and the intellectual level of her classmates. There are a ton of events and activities, some you’d expect - great speakers, bands, art museum shows, service opportunities - and quirkier ones like midnight hide and seek in the library, a trip to a nearby roller rink with 80s music, rescue kittens housed at a town art gallery. She has not experienced any type of prevalent party culture there, with regard to weed or alcohol, and is living in regular freshman housing. Disclaimer: my H and I both went to Oberlin (we met there the first month of school), and believe it or not that was by far the biggest negative for our D when she was making her decision. Re graduation rate I think it is partly related to the dual degree students (with the Conservatory) who take 5 years to graduate. My brother went to Carleton and it’s also a very fine school. I don’t think your S can go wrong, either way.
My D is a first year at Oberlin too and I have to agree with almost everything @daisychain says. My D is almost deliriously happy but also has extremely challenging academics.
The one area I’ll disagree with @daisychain is about the drugs. The freshman dorm my D is in reeks of weed and alchohol is quite prevalent. That said, I do hear from my D and all of her friends that there is no peer pressure at all to partake.
@CAorBust The $20,000 was in merit. For that reason, I don’t think I’ll appeal to Carleton just because Carleton doesn’t offer merit scholarships. I’m not too concerned about Oberlin’s low 4-yr grad rate… My mom is more concerned about an article she read about Oberlin’s “low return on investment.” But I think that’s mostly because so many Obies go into social mission work or activism—lower paying jobs—post-graduation. Are you all considering any other colleges?
@AbananaA, if you liked Oberlin and would be happy there, it really seems that you should go with it. I don’t think Carleton would be that much different or better IMO. Thus our dilemma since my son really has his heart set on Carleton and (thinks) he doesn’t mind taking on some student loans to go there over Oberlin. If he didn’t feel so strongly about it I would urge him to try Oberlin. As far as other schools, ironically enough he found out today he was admitted to Reed, his very first first choice college before he fell in love with Carleton - but he’s over that now. Also got Macalester and Emory, waitlist at Colby and Hamilton, in addition to state flagship. But I think it’s really Carleton at this point with some lingering sighs over Oberlin. Good thing we still have a couple of weeks to sit with the options. All in all he had more great options than we expected; he applied to so many because none were safeties. I’m even relieved he didn’t get into Swarthmore, his biggest reach, because he would have had to take it (EDII) and I think Carleton is a much better fit. I am so relieved he managed the process so well and that things worked out.
I pushed my D2 to go to accepted student visits at her top 3 choices. 24 hours on campus is very revealing. She changed her mind as a result, picked the school that was #3 on her list going into it.
Hi @intparent, you are right, but he’s spent 3 weeks at Carleton already, and we’ve visited a half dozen schools, so I think he knows his mind. We are going to sit with it for a couple of weeks before sending a deposit anywhere though.
So he isn’t going to visit Oberlin? You might as well send the deposit in now… some kids like to shut down the discussion and be done. For $60K, I’d be pushing my kid to at least finish the shopping trip.
@CAorBust, Just chiming in. Similar situation. The 60K merit that our S also received from Obie may make the decision more challenging but it is a welcome challenge and as a result will be the most important deciding factor. Now choosing between Pitzer ( no merit) Bard (no merit) Lewis & Clark (78K merit) and both Colorado and Conn Colleges ( no merit)… It will come down to 2 factors for our S…After having visited all LAC’s including having attended 2 summer programs at Bard and Obie…and a reasonable but not optimal 529 ( thus the 60K is a factor)…He will decide. Completing visits within 2 weeks to L&C and Colorado.Certainly 60K is meaningful to most anyone and even he is giving consideration to the right “feel/vibe”…We don’t want to regret the weight of the Obie merit money when it comes time to write the quarterly checks…Despite this view, he did an intense comparison amongst each schools academic curriculum for his major/minor and although they are close ( as was expected with these competitive LAC’s)…Oberlin’s is a stand out. Personally I am not surprised as you may agree…Most all of the"lists" rank Obie highest among these LAC’s…Carleton as well. As an outside observer, I agree with intparent and would encourage your S to visit Oberlin. Nice thread here by the way…
I did want to comment on what @AbananaA said:"I’m not too concerned about Oberlin’s low 4-yr grad rate… "
Oberlin has a very healthy 4 year graduation rate and a better freshman retention rate than many similar colleges. Where it’s a little confusing is that they have a a not insubstantial number of students in the 5 year dual degree program.
I had a good laugh a few years ago when a site that should have know better rated Northeastern University as one of the worst schools because of its “extremely poor” 4 year graduation rate of “0%”. Since at the time they only offered the 5-year program with mandatory co-op it was ludicrous to ding them for having low numbers of people graduate in 4 years.
Oberlin’s strengths and strongest departments not a good match for DS unfortunately. But that is a good way to decide if you know what programs and majors you want.
@Troyus Glad you point this out…!
Chiming in here for Oberlin. It still sends a very high percentage of students to master degree programs. At one time more than any LAC. Any. That means it is much respected. My DS turned down 13 of the 15 schools he got into. The last two standing were Oberlin and Yale. And we still sometimes wonder if it was the right choice. Please visit Oberlin and don’t let the fact that they want you make you feel that you are too good for them. I know you did not say that but it is a common feeling. It is crunchy but not as much of a drug culture as Wesleyan or even Reed, while admittedly not as straight laced as Carleton. I say all of this while loving Carleton, but highly highly recommend you give Oberlin a shot. Last word: Never heard of a regretful Oberlin grad.
FWIW we caved, DS is going to Carleton, no Oberlin visit, figured it was a waste of time and money if he was so set on Carleton. Definitely not right choice financially, but it was his first choice and he did have his heart set on it. Now older sister is looking at master’s programs and the cost (which she will have to bear, we put her through college, no student loans) so I think she will definitely be looking at state colleges/universities for her next degree 
Congrats to you and your son, @CAorBust. Carleton is a wonderful choice!
He’s going to love it. Congrats!