Hi everybody
I’m an international student and I’m seeking for advice concerning my essay. I’d like to share you my essay so that you can tell me what you think of it.
By the way I’m applying to top colleges (top 10). I’d like to major in economics and political science.
I know there are some mistakes my english teacher is going to correct me
If you’d have asked me a year ago why I want to transfer, I’d have written an essay developing step-by-step, the qualities that make me an ideal candidate and how your university would allow me to fully exploit my potential. Nevertheless, today the stakes are different. My willingness to apply is the result of deeper issues.
I was noticed very early by the teaching team at my school who recommended me to be part of a government pilot program. This program aims to deviate very good students from disadvantaged social backgrounds of all the negative elements associated with it such as violence, drugs and bad company. The goal is to allow these students to fully exploit their potential by placing them in structures specifically designed for the purpose. I could, with all the resources that were available to me, aroused my intellectual curiosity and get involved in all kinds of projects including a humanitarian action in Morocco where I had very big responsibilities. When I was back from Morocco, something had changed in me, I wasn’t the same. It was from that moment that my ordeal started. I caught a disease…
I was constantly extremely tired and gradually a pain appeared in my back. One day, as I was walking at home, I collapsed. I had lost the use of my legs. It was then I was diagnosed with an extremely rare disease called the Pott’s disease. The pain was both physical and mental. I had lost the will to live and several times I wanted to end my days. Mercifully I was supported by my family and my friends.
After several operations and eight months of hospitalization and rehabilitation, I recovered a “normal” life. From that moment, I wondered "what was the meaning of life? “,” What I wanted to do of mine? “And” what kind of man I wanted to be? ». France is a wonderful country with many qualities but also with defects. One of the main is the social immobility. It can be seen by observing the representation of minorities in the elite. I decided I wanted to fight against inequalities in my country. I want to break this system to allow everyone to have an equal chance of success and I’d like to be the representative of minorities and the poor. One of the things I learned during my hospitalization is nobody can understand what others live without having lived it himself. So no one can represent them better than someone who has lived in same conditions.
I’m convinced studying in the US would allow me to avoid all the obstacles I may be confronted if I study in France that is to say discrimination at entry of « grandes écoles ». In addition, the US education system is very different from the French one. We have to remain confined to a selection of courses. While this is not the case in the US where students can take classes outside their major. Finally, US universities offer many opportunities to be involved in college life thanks to the diversity of clubs. For these reasons, I strongly believe studying in the US is the best option for me both to continue to grow intellectually and as a man but also to take a step back to observe the French system.
If you decide to accept me, you will change the course of my life, but not only. You will give me the means to represent a large part of the French population. There is a French saying which says to know where you’re going, you must know where you come from. Thus, I will fervently fight to unbridle the voice of this large part of the population that also deserves to be heard.
Believe in me as I believe in myself now.
Thank in you in advance for those who are going to reply ^^