Need parental perspective/advice

Parents Forum
1

<p>I'm kind of lost and confused right now, and I'd like to gain some perspective outside of my family members and close friends. </p>

<p>Articulating my problem is almost as hard as solving it, so I am going to give it my best shot. </p>

<p>I'm a freshman at Emory University and after being really excited to come here in August, I'm now finding myself detached, unorganized, unmotivated, and subsequently very unhappy. The worst part is that all of this is leading me to not live up to my own expectations and I am feeling extremely guilty for (basically) wasting my parents money, as they are paying around $50,000 a year to send me here. That's almost $5,000 each month of the semester. The mere thought of all that money makes me sick, especially when I consider the quality of my classes. My classes, with the exception of one, I feel, are complete ****. I have taken away more useful information from classes at Broward Community College at home than from 2 of my professors here at "prestigious" Emory. I keep telling myself this is just because I didn't pick my classes for enjoyment, rather to complete a major I just don't care enough about (economics). The more I think about the fact that University of Florida is FREE for me to go to and that Florida State would literally PAY ME (10,000 over 4 years) to go there the more I wonder why the hell I came here in the first place. </p>

<p>I need to change something in my life to change my current attitude and increase my personal happiness. I decided I would change focus and go to the Goizueta Business school instead of doing Econ (I planned on doing Business before I even came here, but was persuaded to do econ by an academic adviser) but I don't know if that move is going to make things much better. </p>

<p>I thought about transferring to a school that may be a better fit for me and I came up with UPenn (10% shot of me actually getting in as a transfer, so that probably wont happen) and NYU stern which I think I have a good shot at, but I don't know if I want to pick up and move to New York away from my friends and family (whom I am already missing very badly; of course I have made plenty of great friends here, but I literally lived with my friends in high school since my parents and I weren't very close, and being without them now (they all live together in tallahassee) is really eating away at me inside) </p>

<p>So then I though about transferring to UF so that I didn't feel guilty about spending money, but then I realized this wouldn't help me from missing my dear friends and that I would probably be even less happy with the quality of education. I think Emory's classes suck, what am I going to think about UF's? It could be a disaster.</p>

<p>The thought of transferring to FSU also has crossed my mind numerous times but I am just not ready to give up all the hard work I did to get into a top 20 college to go to a generic state school where I could have slept through all my high school classes and still have gotten in. </p>

<p>My major questions are: </p>

<p>1) Is it worth it to stay here at $50,000 a year in terms of increased career opportunities
2) Is going to a generic state school as bad as I my head tells me it is, or am I stuck in the CC bubble?
3) Is transferring a good idea, or am I just subject to the "grass is greener at the other school" syndrome?</p>

<p>Any advice or comments or really anything would be helpful. I just need some advice/guidance.</p>

2

<p>As the saying goes "A problem well-defined is a problem half solved." Problem here is, the problem is not well defined. It may make sense to transfer if another venue is better for you and your goals. But jumping to the conclusion that your present environment is inadequate (or sub-optimized) makes no sense. After all, it's just a venue.</p>

3

<p>Yeah I know what you mean. There are just so many factors contributing to my uneasiness it's almost impossible for me to know which one I need to address. I also thought about taking a year off just to get some things straight - or something like that - but I just don't know.</p>

4

<p>js- My son had very similar feelings about his prestigous college at this same time freshman year. Interestingly, it's one of the schools you mentioned for transferring. He had several worthless classes and bad professors. He actually left his school for a couple of weeks 2nd semester because he couldn't stand it. He was also an econ major. He did transfer applications and had a couple of options. He decided to stay at his school and change some things to make it work. He changed his major, moved off campus and got into some much better (seminar-style) classes. It made a huge difference and he had a really good sophomore year and is now doing fine as a junior. I think so many kids go into college hell-bent on being a business or econ major, and it isn't always the right fit and some of the courses you have to take right out of the gate are awful. My kid makes sure he has at least one or two really interesting courses each semester, even though he may have a couple he hates but has to take- like the language and science requirements.</p>

5

<p>Do keep in mind, no matter what makes sense, you must keep your grades high for the future- either to be a long term success at Emory or to transfer!!!</p>

<p>I will say that my D1 was very much about getting into the most rigorous school she could, since we learned on her that Profile is not friendly to our family, she ended up at a tier 1 university of California, but it was a safety school, she never planned to be there, never checked it out, but it was where she went. She never really enjoyed it.</p>

<p>She later took some summer classes near my new home at a decent, but not tier 1 state school, she loved the relationships she developed and ended up doing a masters at that school which would have been beneath her initially.</p>

<p>Now, in fairness, she also learned she really does best when she can get to know the profs and can feel a need to impress them. In a big school where no one cares, she had more trouble caring herself about an A vs B. With a small program she feels responsible to them. BUT, coming out of a small high school, she wanted a big place where every one would stop knowing all her business.</p>

<p>So, a big part of this is learning about yourself- if you spend the year at Emory and stay or transfer, but at the end of the year have some good grades and know more about yourself you can consider that a success. </p>

<p>If you are not on a team or in a sorority or in some other crucial to you EC, but you have learned more about what you want, it was still productive. But, I am glad my DD learned on public school prices & not USC or NYU!!!</p>

6

<p>Thank you for the response. I'm definitely changing my major from econ, hopefully that will make things better; I definitely want to move off campus as well, the dorms are possibly even worse than my worthless classes. I don't mean to sound pretentious, but paying $50,000 to shower in stalls and share a 140 sq ft room with another person is just awful to me. A lot of times I feel that I have even less freedom here than I did at home in high school even without parental supervision, and of course privacy is extinct here. The worst part is that Emory REQUIRES students to live on campus for the 1st two years unless you file an appeal. Why force your students to live on campus? Seriously. Let me live where I want.</p>

7

<p>Yeah, $50,000 a year to learn something about myself isn't exactly a bargain. What's more, my unhappiness is leading me to do poorly because all I want to do all day is sleep and pretend that I am not unhappy - I get nothing productive done. My grades are like A- A- B and W (yeah, I have a W already...awesome, right?)</p>

8

<p>W is no big deal in the long term, if it is a momentary blip.</p>

<p>Be sure to take GE courses which would work for breadth requirements at any school- if you take one science, one math, one English, one foreign language, one psych, one philosophy, etc in your first year, you ought to be able to use those anywhere to fulfill requirements.</p>

<p>Another idea is to get into a new EC- is there something you have always wanted to do, but never tried? Can you connect with that group and see if you make new & interesting friends?</p>

9

<p>Much of what you seem not to like--shower stalls, small rooms, missing friends and family, the occasional uninspiring prof--will be the case at most colleges. From what I'm reading it seems like the issue really may not be the college itself but the growing pains you would experience anywhere. </p>

<p>The cost is a factor that's weighing on many now but I'd certainly say if it's doable for your family a degree from Emory is worth it.</p>

<p>I really suggest you talk to a counselor who can help you sort out the issues.</p>

10

<p>I agree with hmom5. Lots of students have sky high expectations when they go to college, and then are let down because no college could live up to the perfection that they imagined.</p>

<p>I also agree with her idea for you to talk to a counselor. Fortunately, you don't have to make up your mind now about whether to transfer. You can take the time to figure out what would be the best thing to do.</p>

11

<p>I happen to agree with hmom....the whole dorm living situation will be found at any college/university. I even remember how much I detested dorm room living 30 years ago. Try studying in the library or in a building that you like. Get out of bed and go to the gym every day. Try to get involved in an activity that will take the focus off you. Try volunteer work! Emory is a great school, so if you can find a major that suits you, it will be worth it!!! A major switch might help you, but you need to talk to a counselor on campus. </p>

<p>My D didn't think she liked her school the first semester either.....dorms, food, missed home, etc. By Thanksgiving, the transfer packages were starting to arrive....Penn, CMU, Pitt, you name it. She threw them away over Christmas break and never looked back.</p>

12

<p>I don't think what you are experiencing is unusual at all for this point in freshman year. I am concerned however that you mentioned you "want to sleep all day and pretend that you are not unhappy." You may have some early symptoms of anxiety or depression that you might want to address. Sometimes this "unease" that you can't put your finger on is an anxiety issue that is quite prevalent with freshman but not often talked about. If you can get some help now, you may be able to return second semester feeling a lot better about everything. Going away to college far from friends and family is not easy. Give yourself credit for all you've accomplished on your journey thus far!</p>

13

<p>I agree with those who suggest that a lot of the issues you have don't seem Emory-specific to me. One of the best things my own kid did senior year in high school is to email regularly with high school friends a year or two ahead when they started college. I think a lot of kids start college expecting Nirvana and when things aren't perfect, they are really disappointed. Having been in touch with folks when they were miserable and homesick, upset about not getting the classes they wanted, dealing with roommate issues, etc., made my kid's expectations more realistic than those of some friends. </p>

<p>I honestly can't tell why if you aren't happy at Emory in econ you think you would be happy at NYU Stern or Wharton, if that's what you are considering. (My understanding is that you have to take a lot of econ courses at Wharton. I could be wrong.) And, I'm not sure, but I think you'd be living in the dorm at UPenn as a frosh too. I don't know about Stern, but the cost would certainly be more to live off campus in NYC. </p>

<p>Step one is to keep your grades up. If your grades are lousy this semester, it will really reduce your transfer options. Step two is to go to office hours and make an effort to get to know your profs. Step three if you decide to stick out the year is to do some real research about the classes you sign up for next semester--and get yourself a different adviser. I'll give contrary advice to the idea of filling gen ed requirements. It does make sense to try to find out if you'd get transfer credits for courses. However, I think the most important thing, if you stay, is to find some classes that excite you. Reality is that lots of folks don't enjoy big gen ed type courses. There's a study--I can't recall the specifics now--that found that frosh who took only gen ed courses were less likely to graduate from college than frosh who took at least one or two classes that weren't requirements. The other odd finding was that kids who took intro foreign language courses were also more likely to graduate. The suspicion was that was because they are usually small and frosh had an easier time making friends in them. </p>

<p>I'd second the advice to try some ECs. If you don't have any specific interests, try the community service kind. It's a good place to meet nice kids and helping others makes most people feel better. </p>

<p>I live in the kind of neighborhood where everyone knows everyone's business--but in a good way. Several of the frosh who started college this year are miserable and unhappy.You're not unusual. It takes longer for some people to adjust. </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

14

<p>Can you still get the scholarships from Talahassee if you transfer there now? If it will be that much cheaper and you think that you will be that much happier, transfer. You can get a good education at a lot of places.</p>

15

<p>"I think so many kids go into college hell-bent on being a business or econ major, and it isn't always the right fit and some of the courses you have to take right out of the gate are awful"</p>

<p>I full agree. My s (a business major) experienced this as well. He learned to do his homework on classes before registration (checking rate my professor.com )and takes some "fresh air" classes each semester (history, astronomy, sociology). Going to college is about learning about things that interest you, not just preparing for a career.<br>
For you, maybe adjusting where you live and the classes you take will make a difference. It's worth a shot. I agree with other posters that you need to try to keep those grades up just in case you want to move.
What you're going through is not unusual. A family member who went to Cornell had a HORRIBLE first semester - almost went home and took a gap year. She stuck with it, made some changes and graduated loving the school. It can take time. Good luck to you!</p>

16

<p>Thank you for the advice. I am actually a unique case; all my GERs have already been fulfilled by APs and junior college classes (emory considers me a junior by credit hour), so every class I have this semester is essentially for my major. I am taking Calc 1, Spanish 300 (my better two classes) Intermediate Micro (hate it) and Inter. Macro (dropped it.) Next semester I actually chose to start on a new language so I am taking an intro German class. I have always been interested in learning languages so hopefully I will enjoy that class and do well. Other than that I have financial accounting (B-school prereq) calc 2, and intro physics 1 w/ lab. Physics could be a pain, but I like math and the prof for accounting is supposed to be really good. Hopefully this will be a better schedule and I wont feel like I am wasting my time.</p>

17

<ol>
<li><p>If you hate micro, you are not cut out to be an econ major.</p></li>
<li><p>I think you know this: A lot of the OP is about worrying about external standards. Are you wasting your parents money? Is your hard work in high school being appropriately recognized? Will people respect your Emory degree? Fundamentally, that's immature. It's time to start taking responsibility for your own choices, and making choices that are what YOU want, not what you think other people want you to want. That doesn't mean you should leave Emory, or that you should go to Florida State because you miss your high school friends. (I think you know that would be pretty immature thinking, too.) But you have to decide what YOU want to learn, how YOU want to learn it, and what YOU want from the university you attend. What your parents think is relevant, too, as long as they are paying the bills (and also because, I hope, you respect their judgment and love). But start by figuring out YOU, and everything else will probably arrange itself pretty nicely around that.</p></li>
</ol>

18

<p>If you are looking for another major you should go to the business school and talk to the folks there. I got an MBA at Emory umpteen years ago, and although the professors have changed since then, it was a great place. I thought that the classes were not large, and I got to know the students and the professors fairly well. I was even in the joint JD/MBA program, so I spent less time than normal in the business school per se. I know that undergrads have to live on campus for 2 years, but if you are unhappy, you should try to change. In my day in Atlanta I knew a few undergrads, and they lived in apartments, but I guess they were upperclassmen. There are not too many student apartments that are decent that are walking distance to campus, so don't forget that most people who live off campus need a car (additional expense.)</p>

19

<p>yeah, I am probably going to go to the B-school. That was my originally plan; I don't know why I let an adviser persuade me to try Econ, I have never listened to (high school) advisers before and have always found them to be useless. I thought an "Emory College" dean would have good advice so I took her word for it. The B-school life really seems a lot nicer than emory college; gorgeous buildings, small classes, no friday classes. It seems pretty ideal; I should have stuck with it to begin with.</p>

20

<p>Please use your school's resources (counseling center, career center, etc) You are paying for them already and they are there to help with just this kind of problem. If the first person you meet isn't helpful go back another time and meet someone else. They know the ins and outs at your school and how to get into another program</p>