<p>I'm a freshman at Howard University in Washington, D.C. I must admit, I did rush the whole college application process and thought this would be a great place for me. Turns out, I hate it. I hate it so much. First semester, I did okay and got a 3.1, but it was pure Hell if you ask me. I told my mom I wanted to transfer, but she told me to give it one more semester. Over winter break I tried to tell myself to look at the school from a different perspective and come in with a positive attitude. As you all can tell it isn't working very well. Classes have started and I am back and realize how much I hate it even more. I just don't think I have the patience and energy to get through this semester, with all honesty. My friend (who goes to another University) thinks I should seek counseling and that I may be depressed. This school just isn't clicking with me and when I told my mother about it two nights ago, she told me I still wasn't giving it enough time. I became frustrated and hung up the phone. I just hate how everytime I tell people how this isn't the school for me, they make me seem like the bad guy or that I'm just a negative person. I find the people here to be condescending or just plain rude. It seems like all anyone cares about is Greek life and that seems to be what a lot of things revolve around. I'm coming to the conclusion that maybe the whole "college experience" (or whatever you want to call it) isn't for me. My mom told me no matter where I transferred, I'm probably going to be facing the same problems. What do you all think about the situation? I feel like if I give it ANYMORE time (as many people keep saying I should do), I will end up in an insane asylum. (I'm being dead serious).</p>
<p>Would you consider taking your friend's advice and talking to someone at the counseling center at your school?</p>
<p>Why not take your friend's advice, but also look into the possibilities of transferring. Will your parents support you financially if you transfer? Have you identified a possible list of schools that may be good options for you? Are you interested in another HBCU or not? Maybe if you research some schools and present your parents with reasons why you may be happier at these schools, they might support your decision.</p>
<p>I suggest that first, you talk to someone at the counseling center. There is a good chance that with the general stress of going to college -- adjusting to a new environment, probably keeping later hours than before; having to adjust to a roommate; perhaps not eating as healthfully as before; -- you have become clinically depressed. That is fairly common with college freshmen.</p>
<p>Depression can color everything bleak, so if you are depressed, this would not be a good time to transfer because it may be that Howard would be a fine college for you if you get the chance to be there without also being depressed.</p>
<p>In addition, it often takes up to the end of freshmen year for freshmen to feel at home in any college environment. After all, they have to make new friends, and do lots of things that take time to put into place. That's why unless there are major problems with the college one is in, it's usually best to wait to transfer until one has finished one year there. </p>
<p>The counseling center can help you figure out your options, and it can address and evaluate whether you're depressed. Your concerns are not at all unusual, so I'm sure they've had lots of experience helping students like you.</p>
<p>It also could be a good idea to get a physical in case a physical problem like anemia or a thyroid problem is causing you to show what appear to be symptoms of depression.</p>
<p>The fact that you're seeing everything at the campus so starkly bad as this: " I find the people here to be condescending or just plain rude. It seems like all anyone cares about is Greek life and that seems to be what a lot of things revolve around" indicates to me that more may be going on than the campus' not being a good fit for you.</p>
<p>I am familiar with Howard and know that there's more to it than Greek life and rude people. If you're depressed, however, you may be just noticing the things that rub you wrong. That's a characteristic of being depressed.</p>
<p>At this point, I'm still thinking this college just doesn't seem to be a fit with me. It was almost like I was turned off from here from day one. I will take everyone's advice and try to see a counselor. I've thought about it before, but I've been in the denial stage for quite a while and of course it's getting worse. I just keep thinking even if I do get help, my first instinct would've been right anyway (to leave this school).</p>
<p>As others have said, you can work in parallel. Take advantage of the counseling, see how that affects your perceptions and attitudes. Meanwhile, realize that most transfer apps are due sometime in March (some later). As part of your counseling, see if you can identify the characteristics you now seek in a school - you can both look at fulfilling those needs at Howard/figuring out how possible that might be and begin to identify a list of schools which might work better for you.</p>
<p>You have time to work on submitting transfer apps. Some are very quick and easy; many take the common app. So you don't have to panic about making that decision right now.</p>
<p>I second jmmom's advice. In the meantime, try to enjoy what the city has to offer.</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice everyone, I'll try to keep you updated.</p>
<p>Think about spending a couple of years in the service. Navy or Coast Guard. It might be the break you need and give you both some perspective on college and some more money to pay for it.</p>
<p>Just an idea.</p>
<p>Definitely get checked out for depression. It is true that a physiological problem can completely color one's view.</p>
<p>At the same time, try to pinpoint what it is that's not a good fit. </p>
<p>You might think about the reasons you chose this school. Are those reasons valid? Is the school different from your expectations? Of course it will be SOMEWHAT different, but is it DRASTICALLY different? I can see how a very liberal person ending up at an ultra conservative school like BYU might feel out of place, or a conservative person ending up at Evergreen...but those are some really drastic examples. If it really IS that drastic, then your 'gut instinct' may be entirely valid. otoh, if it's a more ambiguous thing like perceiving eveyone as rude...chances are that your perception might be off due to depression or stress.</p>
<p>Married people having problems are often advised to try to remember what attracted them to each other in the first place, and then try to rekindle that attraction. A similar approach might be worth a try.</p>
<p>Whatever you decide, don't let yourself get TOO maxed out, ok?</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>I think after this next semester if you still feel the same way.....transfer. Also, talking to a counselor is a good idea too. They may have some answers for you because I'm sure they've had students like you in the past. You are so young and you have all the time in the world to change and experience different places until you find what's best for you. My oldest daughter tried the college thing for one semester. Ended up coming home. Went to a trade school, graduated, worked in that trade for a couple years, and today she just started school for another profession. She's 21, still at home, and trying to find what's right for her. As long as I see she's got some kind of goal in mind, I'll support her decisions. What you're going through is life....sometimes you're not happy in the decisions you make (job, relationship, etc.). Don't be afraid to change. There's so much out there. Good Luck.</p>
<p>Think of this as a set of clothing. This set does't fit. You can throw them away right now. You'll have wasted the cost of the clothes and you'll be naked til you can get better fitting ones.
Since with the best of intentions this school is not for you, spend most of your time trying for A's so you look good when you transfer, and a good bit of time jotting down what bothers you and what is good, so you can avoid the bad stuff and have the good stuff at a new school next year.
As a professional wingnut (g) I can say that for me, when I get that gotta go, gotta go, gotta go it often means that I am bothered way too much by the situation than i should be. Why immediately? Why instant?
Join one club that suits you. I have known boys in particular to feel like this and anything from joining an a capella singing group, the radio station through pledging a frat (yah, I know, but that is a bonding experience) helped them past this. The a capella group kid called home daily til he joined that - next thing you know he was too busy to talk to mom.</p>
<p>The counselors at Howard have seen your situation many many times. You will be able to lay your feelings on the table and they will be able to help you find a way to survive--and possibly enjoy--the semester--and the school.</p>
<p>Meantime...are you sleeping at least 8 hours a day? Are you eating three meals a day? Are you eating any veggies or fruit? Are you drinking plenty of water? Are you getting any serious exercise? </p>
<p>You know you've hit a low patch in your life--and this may not be the only low patch in your life. All adults fact these situations--and it's how you cope with adversity that determines your eventual character. </p>
<p>Be sure to take the time to make sure you aren't sinking yourself through poor self-care.</p>
<p>Thanks for all of the advice. </p>
<p>As far as sleep, lately all I've been wanting to do is sleep, sleep, sleep, but at the same time it's hard for me to sleep; I end up tossing and turning all night. Eating, I have to force myself to eat for the most part because I'm usually not hungry, not unless it's breakfast. Exercise, very minimal. I just can't find the energy and interest to do anything. So I usually have to force it upon myself. I think I have my mom a little worried, she's being a lot more understanding and telling me she's supportive of whatever I do. She just hopes I don't drop out of college, but I informed her that I would not do anything like that. Also, I've been losing a lot of weight and course over break my family drew some concerns.</p>
<p>Your last post shows many classic symptoms of depression (hypersomnia, loss of appetite, etc); of course, this doesn't mean that you actually are depressed, but it might be a good idea to look into getting assesed as well as getting a physical. However, that being said, I think too many of the above posters are ignoring or down-playing the fact that HU might just be an extremely poor fit for you. Look into transfer apps, send some out to schools that seem to have what Howard doesn't, get checked out physically/psychologically, and see what happens with transfer apps. Is there some big block to transferring (i.e., Howard gave you a huge and much needed merit aid package)?</p>
<p>I also support the counseling advice. My son was (and still is at times) unhappy at his first choice school---preponderance of Greek life plays a large part at his school also. Counseling helped him very much--he was able to look at why he selected this school, did those reasons still apply, what things he could change, what he couldn't, what were issues he would likely face elsewhere also, etc. The counseling also led to discovering a previously undiagnosed learning problem. It's really nice to have someone to talk with that only has your best interest at heart and no other "baggage". One word of caution--if you don't "click" with your first counselor, ask for a change--it is important for you to feel comfortable with him/her.</p>
<p>Another (perhaps ulterior) motive to consult the counseling center is to have these issues documented in case you need that this next semester. Son's roommate was depressed/unhappy this past semester and refused to go to counseling--he ended up failing 3 courses because he just gave up. It would have been helpful for a medical withdrawal to have a record of what he had been dealing with.</p>
<p>Try to keep yourself motivated, even if it is the thought of transferring that keeps you going. In order to transfer next year, you want to keep your gpa at a level that makes you desirable to other schools.</p>
<p>Good luck and know that you are not alone. Students can be found in (I would wager) every school in this country that have or have had similar feelings. I know that doesn't make it better or any easier, but I hope that you can feel less alone.</p>
<p>Please keep in touch.</p>
<p>PS If this appeals to you at all, one thing that helps my son is exercise. He seems to feel better and deal with everything a little more positively when he keeps a regular exercise routine.</p>
<p>In addition to my last post: I don't disagree that you should try to enjoy your next semester or that you may have depression or some other problem clouding your view, but that doesn't rule out the fact that HU might just be the wrong school for you as well. It's possible that it could be both.</p>
<p>Well, the only block I had about transferring is people constantly telling me to wait it out and it will get better. Most of them have way different interests than what I have so I only give a little thought to what they're saying. My financial aid package was pretty poor lol. I've already put in some transfer applications and got my transcripts sent off (trust me, I had this planned out for a while). It was just every now and then I would get very confused, especially when I was constantly told that it is completely normal for freshmen to feel this way. I've come to the conclusion that this school isn't a suited for me and I will probably end up leaving.</p>
<p>Best of luck with transfer apps! Hang in there.</p>
<p>Thanks, I'm waiting on some decisions now.</p>