Need suggestions - how best to provide parental help/oversight in the admissions process?

Parents Forum
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Hi parents, I’m the father of a rising HS senior and am looking for some practical tips on how to oversee/monitor/assist my daughter in the college admissions process. She’s planning on applying to 8-10 schools, and right now I’m a little overwhelmed with how many moving parts there are in this process (application, test scores, recommendations, FAFSA/CSS, etc.) and the prospect of keeping track of everything for 8-10 schools.

So…my questions are:

  • Is Naviance useful in monitoring the status of her applications? Our HS uses it, but I’m just getting familiar with it now.
  • Should I set up a dedicated email address for her to use (and us to share) throughout the application process? I’m fairly sure she doesn’t want me reading her personal email, and my thought was this gives me a way to see all the relevant communications.
  • Are we supposed to share a CollegeBoard ID? I really don’t want her to have to enter all the financial details in the CSS.
  • Should I leave everything for her to manage, and assume she’ll take care of everything? I don’t consider myself a helicopter parent, and she’s a pretty responsible kid, but I’d hate for anything to fall through the cracks.
  • Any other tips, or things to be careful of?

Thanks!!

2

those are really good questions - and i will be watching how people answer as my upcoming sr is applying several places.

I have one tidbit of something that’s helped us; all college-related email has gone through a special email address that we set up. it’s very handy and nothing else gets mixed in it; and our kids can all access it, know it and share it with colleges.

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For us, filling out the CSS/FAFSA was a parent job. Dedicated email address is a good idea. Even with a responsible kid, I wouldn’t assume she’ll take care of everything with that many apps. I’d set up a master calendar with relevant dates so nothing gets missed and then agree on a designated time once a week to check in. Try not to talk college apps outside of that time. Also a few occasional random acts of kindness (e.g., flowers from the grocery store, a Starbucks gift card, a note or funny card, letting a chore slide every once in a while) can go a long way toward helping your D feel you understand it’s a stressful time for her and that she is loved no matter what.

What kind of support will your daughter have from her school college counselor?

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Yes to setting up an email address just for college stuff.

No naviance here so can’t help with that.

As for collegeboard ID, there is only one and it’s for your daughter. You will be given a separate ID for CSS profile that is linked to her account and she won’t be able to see the info.

My main contribution was to watch deadlines and make sure D stayed on track. There are some pretty early deadlines for apps when seeking merit. I know it can be overwhelming but if you stay on top of everything it is doable. Good luck!

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I ditto the suggestion to keep an eye on deadlines, if you think your daughter won’t herself. I think the best thing I did for my daughters was focus on staying calm and loving, because I knew that fall of senior year was such a stressful time in their lives. I mean, I always try to be calm and loving but these things were both even more needed and harder to maintain when my daughters were very stressed and not always very calm and loving themselves.

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@yaupon: “What kind of support will your daughter have from her school college counselor?”

Her counselor has a good reputation, but she is pregnant and due in late October. So unfortunately for us there will be a handoff to a substitute at a fairly critical time in the process. :-S Thanks for your feedback!

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Hopefully the substitute will be capable, but under those circumstances, I’d try to get everything you’ll need from the counselor that can possibly be done ahead as soon as school starts.

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-We set up emails for the college stuff (both of my kids had emails with kind of silly names that we all agreed would not be appropriate for college admissions.

-What we did do together for both kids was come up with a list of schools that made sense (in conjunction with the guidance counselor at the HS) and my H and I took them on a number of college visits (some together, sometimes one of us). You should talk to your child about any constraints (financial, geographical or anything else) you have and only consider schools that you expect to fit within the constraints.

-Over the summer we worked together to set up a kind of schedule for admissions process (ex. when to have essay drafted, reviewed, applications filed etc.). We left it to the kids to tell us if they were having trouble meeting any of the self-imposed deadlines (which always came before the actual deadlines just in case). We would ask when deadlines were approaching. So while it was their responsibility to get things done on time. we were sure that they knew deadlines and were accountable.

-I did a first cut proofread their essays, but both kids also got an English teacher to read them over as well (I’m a CPA not an English major)

-My H filled out FAFSA/CSS forms

-At decision time my H and I sat with my S to talk over his top options before making a decision, but we left the final choice to him (I guess thankfully he picked the school that was our favorite as well). My D applied ED so we had a similar conversation before she chose which school to apply ED to (she did have a clear #1 so it was a quick talk just to be certain, she got in and loves the school).

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We made a list of every school and we put on it every piece of information necessary for each school along with due dates. My daughter set up a college email account but it was just for her and she got mad if I checked it- said I messed things up (?). I like your email idea. My daughter got mad at my constant questioning so we set up two appointments each week: Thursday and Sunday, where I was free to ask all of my questions and check in to see how things were going and what needed to be done. This avoided many fights. When your D applies to schools, she will be assigned a portal where she can login an check her application status and " to do" list. We found most schools did this. If Naviance connects to the common app at your school, you can invite recommenders and check the status of the letter ( when it has been uploaded). Naviance is a good tool to use to see how kids from your particular school do/did with acceptances. It’s useful but not perfect. We used D’s CB account to do the profile. She had no involvement filling out financial info.
I just read what I wrote and it makes me sound like an awful control freak- oy. Hang in there. It’s stressful but yet if all gets done.

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If you haven’t already done so, please outline any financial restrictions NOW, not after the applications are in. Very good questions, but some depends on the kid involved. For better or worse, I did a fair amount of the work for my kids’ applications. They did all essays, and answered questions that had to be answered by applicant, but I filled in their name, address kind of info. On many forms, helped with SAT signup and sending scores, and things like that. I also helped with research and recommended schools they should apply to, based on their criteria (or lack of criteria). They did make all “final” decisions, such as where they actually applied, how many tests to take, etc., except I insisted that they each apply to one in-state public school (our state flagship). Good luck. It can be quite a stressful time.

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The most important thing you need to do is make a list of requirements for each school…and the DEADLINES. Plan to complete well in advance of the deadlines. This includes admissions and financial aid submissions. Get them done early!

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IMHO the most important thing you can do is to set aside an evening where you go through your checkbook, last few year’s tax returns, your employee benefit book from work, credit card statements, etc. and get a handle on your true financial picture.

Filling out forms is fine and good, but as all the veteran’s here can attest… every April comes the chorus of “I can’t afford our EFC” or “My kid only got into one of her 8 schools and we can’t afford it even with her merit package” or worst yet, “My dad told me that if I got into Harvard or Yale they’d find the money somehow but I “only” got into Cornell and my parents say that they can’t afford it and I don’t have an affordable back-up plan”.

The focus on FAFSA and the time consuming admin work involved in applying for aid totally obscures the fact that you need a number- a solid number- which represents what you can afford to pay. Like most families, that number is comprised of three factors- past earnings (reflected in your assets if you are lucky enough to have a college savings account or other savings); current earnings (how much cash can you realistically divert from the household every month for four years) and future earnings (either you or your kids… how much can you realistically devote to paying off loans).

The unhappy families I know at the end of the process are those who do not have this number in mind as they go into application season. The kids who come home in June and have to commute to a local directional because they’ve run out of funds are kids who did not have this number in mind. The parents who say “we’ll find the money somehow” (I always ask, "boy you must have a big couch to have so many cushions to shake out) are the parents who sign on for too much debt or who think that even though last year they saved a whopping $500 next year will be different. If you think you’re taking out a HELOC make that phone call and find out if your borrower thinks you have equity to borrow against. Appraisal values are different from Jane and Joe Q. Public values- the bank won’t consider the adorable wallpaper in your powder room which you just paid to install; so many people I know discover that their house doesn’t have the borrowing potential they thought it did (pre or post 2008).

Guess what- the fridge still breaks even when your kid is in college. The muffler falls off even though you are paying tuition.

Get a handle on where you can economize, what sources of revenue you have missed (if your company offers matching contributions to a retirement account, that’s FREE MONEY you’ve been walking away from.)

Then sit down with your kid and figure out how many of the colleges on his/her list are just a waste of an application fee and time.

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  1. Run the Net Price Calculators on the various schools’ websites. If you’re like many families, you’ll find that your expected cost is higher than you’d like.

  2. If you take business deductions and/or have other properties or if there is a non-custodial parent, then the NPCs may not be accurate.

  3. Figure out how much you can spend and let your D know.

  4. Don’t let her get set on any school unless you know for sure it’s affordable and she’ll get in.

  5. be sure to have a couple of financial safeties (schools that you know FOR SURE that you can afford either by ASSURED merit scholarships or family funds). No one should only have one safety. It’s always important to feel like you have a choice, come spring.

  6. Many schools either have merit scholarship deadlines that are in the fall, or “run out of scholarship money” in the fall, so get those apps in early.

  7. Understand that merit gets applied to “need” first. So, you can’t just subtract it from the amount that you’re supposed to pay.

  8. Most schools do NOT give great aid. Most do not meet need.

  9. OOS publics typically do not give much/any need-based aid. However, some give a lot of merit for high stats.

  10. Insist on a “parent pick” or two. Sometimes parents use a “parent pick” for a financial safety when their child won’t consider affordable schools. A “parent pick” could prevent disaster.

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I’m mostly doing research on schools that have programs he wants and give merit aid based mostly on test scores. I found a list of colleges giving automatic full tuition to NMSF, and he picked one that he is applying to based on a visit.

15

DD has a list of colleges she is planning to apply to and I am researching cool professors/classes/programs that she might like for each of them and summarizing on a Google doc that we each can access. (She is working two jobs this summer and needs some free time for exercising/decompressing and is about to start her Common App essay drafts, which I obviously can’t help her with. I don’t mind doing the school research – it is interesting and useful – and it saves her time and energy). The Google docs should be helpful to her when it’s time to write the specific school’s supplemental “Why Do You Want To Attend X?” essays and in preparing for her on campus and alumni interviews (things to ask about, etc.)

I also bought a huge desk-size blotter/calendar to enter all the various application/merit scholarship due dates but I’m holding off on doing that until the early fall, to be sure none of the schools’ dates change.

Last thing, about creating an application email account and Naviance – DD’s college counselors have told her class that they must use their school email address for the Common App. I’m not exactly sure why and it may just be something specific to her school.

16

Please tell me I’m not alone.

My son wants to go away to college. He knows what he wants to major in. His SAT scores are decent enough to get him into a number of schools that offer his major. He knows he wants a small school, and that he doesn’t want to be TOO far away-- say a 4 hour radius.

But he HATES to shop, and looking at schools is shopping.

So I’ve probably been more involved than many of you. I’ve come up with a list of schools to see-- ones that meet all those requirements, as well as our budgetary constraints. (We only realized the “small school” thing by visiting a school that was a bit larger-- he said that, while he could see himself there, he didn’t want anyplace larger. OK, great, that crossed a few schools off the list.)

We’ve seen 4 schools so far, and I want to get him to more over the summer. (He’s working, I’m a teacher, so we’ll do it around his work schedule. My husband is very content to stay home with our daughters.) As soon as we get next week’s work schedule (tomorrow) I’m going to make plans to see a school in MA, and to make the hotel reservation there.

When we leave each school, I get his reaction in the car-- what he liked, what he didn’t. I type up all my notes, on any tiny little detail of the trip. I figure those notes should help with the final decision.

I don’t know if he has a favorite so far, as much as a list of Yes and of No schools. I figure that when the final acceptances and numbers come in, he can decide.

Over dinner one night, the whole family had a discussion about the common app essays, and I think he has some ideas to run with. But the odds are overwhelming that he hasn’t done anything about them yet.

As to all the rest, thanks to those of you who have been through this already. I love the idea of a master schedule of deadlines-- I can find them in the fall??

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I would recommend starting your deadline list by seeing which of his “yes” schools are common ap schools. The list is on their website. If you can get him to apply to at least those before whatever deadline matters to him (school starts, winter sport begins, thanksgiving, etc.) you will have a better shot at his buy in. Then work backwards from that deadline and agree on progress deadlines along the way. You then need to sit back and trust that he will do the work. If he wants to apply to a non-common app school he will have to be willing to put in that effort for 1 school. Ultimately it has to be his choice.

My DS has a totally on or totally off way of approaching things. I have had to learn to trust his way of doing things. They do get done. Just not the way I would do them.

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@Cheeringsection Oh, I know he’ll do them, and that they’ll be done completely and on time. He wants this.

No, it won’t be done at 8 am on a July morning,((who am I kidding… it won’t happen before noon on ANY morning!) but it will be done ahead of the time it’s due. Like your son, mine has a way of doing things that simply isn’t how my husband or I would do them, but they get done.

Starting with the Common App schools is a great idea-- he can get 5 or 6 of his apps done at first, then get started on the rest. And at least one of his “Yes” schools, on where he stands a pretty decent chance of admission, is a Common App school.

Thank you!!

19

Our HS started using Naviance between DD1 and DD2, so DD2 used it. Had to order the school transcripts through Naviance for DD2, but it was click, click and done.

I would have some regular sit down meetings with DD - since you say she is pretty responsible, it would be good for her to explain and express. That way you can help guide her with your adult perspective.

As a parent, I would get up to speed on looking at where would the best place for DD be based on cost/benefit, etc. If she will do well far, far away from home or within a region, or within a two hour distance from home. Evaluate your in-state public options and cost compare. If the student has the stats to get merit at various places. If the student is unsure about staying in a particular major, make sure a school has enough other programs to not have to change schools with the change in major. Have you done enough college visits to see how experiences would differ?

Some schools have more involved application and scholarship process. Watch the deadlines.

Have info organized (spreadsheet).

Keep looking and asking questions until you have finished the process. Learn from parents/students that are entering college now and have entered in the last few years.

Unless you have a local school to commute to, you have to figure the cost will be room/board (budget that cost), then add everything on top of that starting with tuition. At in-state public, room/board may be more than tuition.

I would make sure to evaluate well all the most likely schools before the final decision needs to be made.

Did DD do well on standardized testing (ACT/SAT) and will that make a difference on admission and scholarship status/cost of school?

First semester senior year is going to be busy with the college testing and application process for most students. My students raised their ACT scores during this period of time which made a significant difference on their out of pocket college costs - gave up some activities for this bigger goal.

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My best piece of advice is to make sure to have “college free” days. Group your questions and college talk to a couple days a week. Otherwise, it can overwhelm your family life and build undue anxiety in your senior. There is a lot to enjoy that year and it’s just better when your kid doesn’t feel like they have to be in college mode every second.