<p>Trust me, neato, it took everything to keep me from busting out laughing</p>
<p>My D has gotten a few similar comments – not from adults, but from current PS classmates. She told them “It’s prep school, not prison.”</p>
<p>My D, home on spring break, got a comment from a friends parent, something along the lines of, “so what kind of colleges did that fancy BS get you into?” D proudly ran down the list of acceptances so far but added, “I worked really hard to get into those schools.”</p>
<p>Since our family took the BS track I’ve tried to keep a low profile about it. I just feel that many parents are very competitive about their kids. I often worried if going to BS would put an unwanted spot light on my children. The above remark confirms my thoughts.</p>
<p>My advice to the new BS parents, just smile and keep them wondering. In a few years from now no one will care about who went to what school.</p>
<p>I always default to: “This is what works for our child. She chose it. We support her.” No one seems to have much to say after that. I think most are just threatened by the worry that their own school choice might be inferior – I just reassure them that “X” is a great school, but our child was looking for something different.</p>
<p>I have to say I am shocked by some of the comments I have read on this thread! I am not sure I could keep my mouth shut had they been said to me… :-)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I would reply, “Well, he applied for the all-girls dorm but was turned down, and he was rejected by the school with mixed-sex dorms, so gay it is I guess.”</p>
<p>muf123: thank you for the reality check! We have been pretty low-key about our BS plan, but now that she knows where she’s headed in the fall, the news is getting around and and it’s frustrating to me when aquaintances, colleagues and even friends say things that are judgmental and offensive – and these are people who I thought were educated, open-minded, etc. Just goes to show that sometimes taking a different path can really stir up a lot of negative feelings or insecurities in others. OK, I was blindsided by this one: The parent of my D’s best friend actually said to me, “Why are you sending her away? I really don’t believe she wants to go.” (She didn’t seem to be able to hear any of the reasons why my D wants to go and why I support her in her decision.) And I kid you not, she actually then said: “Well, WE think she’s wonderful. And she can come and live with US anytime. Really.” And she was serious. !!!</p>
<p>cameo, that’s terrible! I would have a hard time liking the parents of my child’s friend if they said things like that.</p>
<p>The comments I find the hardest to deal with are the ones along the lines of “my kid would love to go to boarding school and would do well there, but I don’t want them to leave so I’m not going to let them consider it.” I feel like telling those parents that they’re being selfish and it’s not about them. Boarding school isn’t for every kid by a long shot and I totally respect a parent feeling that it wouldn’t be in their child’s best interest to go - but this is not what they’re saying. If a parent realizes that their decision to rule out boarding school is about themselves and not about the kid, that’s just selfish in my book. Seeing how happy my D is, and watching her grow into such a wonderful young woman, is worth every second of empty nesting for me.</p>
<p>As horrifying as some of the comments we receive are, I am finding comfort in knowing that we are not alone. This never gets easy. </p>
<p>And GMTplus7, how about “so what?”</p>
<p>or GMTplus7: how about “It could be worse: if he stayed home he could end up small-minded.”</p>
<p>Thanks friendlymom!<br>
I absolutely agree – those selfish ‘needy parent’ comments make me cringe. It’s not about us, it’s about them. This was an easy choice for me b/c I know my d will make the most of every opportunity at BS. And she worked hard to make it happen. And yes, I will be missing her like crazy come September. What year is your daughter?</p>
<p>She’s in 9th grade, it’s her first year away. I’m amazed by the “leaps and bounds” nature of growth in less than a year.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Single-sex living –> sexual orientation? This is clearly not someone you need to thank for their military service but it is someone who may be sending over care packages to our troops laden with hair product, the latest Tom of Finland books, Diamante stiletto combat boots, and Lucky Charms.</p>
<p>I have a little gem of my own to share & I hope everyone will humor me by reading all the way through. There’s a little back story involved. Sorry. :)</p>
<p>So, last summer, even before boarding school was on our radar, we had talked with our son about the fact that his class trip may be a little (actually A LOT) out of our budget. He’s been at the same pvt k-8 since he was 5 and we are full pay, which means things have always been a bit tight. But he has never missed out on any arts offering, sport, or other trip or event, as we’ve always found a way to make it work.
This trip is different. This the cliche “8th grade class goes to Washington DC” jaunt that kids have been doing since at least I was his age…
The fact that we live in California bumps up the price, I know and yes, hotels are pricey in DC, but for a 4 day, 4 kids to a hotel room kind of trip to cost $3,000 is just highway robbery! The museums they’re visiting are all free and they’re flying commercial, not a private jet, for God sakes. The other reason we just couldn’t justify it was that we’ve actually taken him to DC 3 times in the last 5 years & he visited ALL the sites they have scheduled, plus several more. (We’ve been lucky enough to piggyback onto my husband’s biz trips there). Because of this, we also have plenty of miles & free hotel nights to use, so I thought of a brilliant compromise: Perhaps we could utilize all those to bring down the cost & he could still join in. No go! It’s a for profit company running these trips & they had no interest in bargaining. </p>
<p>So, we told our son if he really had his heart set on going, we would want him to contribute. Option #2 was that we could use the time they’ll be in DC, to go on our own family trip, using all those air miles & free hotel nights…and go wherever he wanted. Guess what he picked?
Still deciding where but even told him we could wait til summer & he could invite a couple friends too. He was happy as a clam about it. </p>
<p>Then a few days ago, one of his closest friends said to him out of the blue, " Ya know, I can’t believe you’re gonna go to some school that costs $50,000 a year, but your parents won’t even pay a few thousand for you to go to DC! Seems like that would be hardly any money at all to them, seeing as they have no problem paying so much to send you away."</p>
<p>If I were Eppie Lederer or Abigail Van Buren, I would tell you to consider sending DS to one of those discount, no-frills $47,000/year boarding schools (where room assignments are first-come, first served and luggage is extra) so that he can go on his redundant, parent-gouging $3,000 field trip and you can prove to the 8th grade that you’ve got your parenting priorities straight.</p>
<p>I’m kind of fuming about that scam of a field trip.</p>
<p>I should have taken a picture of her teachers when I told them I needed recommendations from them: they looked at me as if I had 2 heads. Their mouth dropped to the floor as they stared, and slowly asked " but why?" (Keep in mind this is a poorly performing school district). I haven’t told most friends and family because the negative comments are distracting, ignorant and hurtful. I don’t think they mean it but they chose to have opinions about a subject they know nothing about.</p>
<p>@D’yer Maker</p>
<p>This is the thing that really kills me: Early on, several other families felt exactly the same way about the outrageous cost of this 8th grade trip. But in the end, almost all ended up ponying up the $$, (even if it meant running up their credit cards to do so) because they didn’t want their kid to be “the only one who wasn’t going.” One teacher who’ll be chaperoning the DC trip recently asked me why I didn’t want our son to be part of their group. (Her exact wording)! The fact that she had the nerve to say something that rude was hard to swallow. The fact that she asked me this during my son’s class field trip to the local food bank was almost enough to make me choke.</p>
<p>Clearly, “being part of the group” on fieldtrips like the food bank didn’t mean nearly as much to her as going on the ones with a hefty pricetag. Working alongside my son and his classmates, as we boxed up tons of food all afternoon, I thought about this everytime I glanced over and saw him so excited to help. The only word that kept coming into my mind was: priceless. Ironically, I don’t recall exactly how I responded to her inquiry although I know it was short and sweet. It seemed her question was really more of a statement about our choice, so I’m sure she didn’t really care anyway. Only later did I learn that if the teacher “guides” can guarantee 100% participation for these DC trips, their cost is covered. Hmmm…guess it is “selfish” of us not to send him.
The irony is that when we first decided to pursue boarding school as an option for the next 4 years, we accepted that it would be an absolute stretch for our family, financially speaking. (And this was when we still believed we might receive some FA). When M10 rolled around and we learned our son was accepted to his favorite school (but as a full pay), it felt like our lottery numbers were called but we’d lost our ticket! Still, this is a sacrifice we are determined to make work, as we know the wonderful things it will mean for our son.</p>
<p>Thought I had thicker skin but these comments just really stung. Apparently, we’re selfish parents because we aren’t willing to squander $3K for this DC trip. But what makes us even worse is the idea that we’d “squander” more than $200K over the next few years-for something like…oh say: his education!</p>
<p>One of my daughters teachers was shocked that my daughter was going to a boarding school. To be fair to the teacher, in this country, a boarding school is closer to an orphanage. There is nothing good about having to go to one. I wasn’t upset with the teacher because I understood her frame of reference and her culture. </p>
<p>Instead, I’m thinking of sending the teacher a few links to some of the schools so she can see it isn’t a orphanage. I haven’t abandoned parental responsibility by giving my daughter this opportunity.</p>
<p>Good to hear all the stories. For me, I live in Thailand, and most people I know think it’s a great thing to go abroad to a boarding school. And they are people who ask me why I want to go and why I chose boarding school. I guess each culture has a different aspect on everything!</p>
<p>Thank you, thank you, this thread is so helpful. We’re just starting to let people know that our daughter is heading to BS in the fall (as a freshman) . . . and some of the reactions are not exactly supportive. She’ll be the first in our family to head away for school, and we are so proud and excited for her . . . but it’s hard to explain to folks who seem to feel we’re betraying the public school system and the town (not to mention principles of right and justice) by not sending her to the public HS.</p>
<p>It’s spring and I feel like all of us (in the northwest) are coming out of cocoons. So I went to a potluck last night and it felt like the first time I’d been social in ages. And then the “do you have kids…oh…which high school do they go to?” conversation starts… </p>
<p>Perhaps I am projecting (though really doubt it) but I could swear that the second I mention that my kids are in boarding schools a veil comes over the inquirer’s face and calculations are being made. “What kind of boarding school?” and “Why did they do THAT?” “How can you afford it?” are followed by a weighted silence when I answer with “College prep,” “They weren’t happy here and a friend did it. It wasn’t planned” and “financial aid.” And then all the comments we read about here kick in. </p>
<p>But what struck me is how I entered this lovely outdoor party feeling unleashed, and in no time at all felt like crawling back into my cocoon. I live in a beautiful, wonderful place, albeit with deteriorating schools (about which there is great denial). I hope that once the kids are both in college I don’t feel like such a social pariah.</p>