<p>I felt more hopeful about this subject recently. More of the comments lately have been of the “So I heard your daughter is going away to school?” followed by “how exciting for her, but won’t you miss her?”. That sort of comment is much easier to handle. In addition, I have tried the subtle difference of using the term “prep school” vs. “boarding school” as the usual thing in our area is NOT to go away. The reaction is markedly different. I guess the term “boarding school” has added connotations of troubled youth, whereas “prep school out East” is a whole 'nother animal… I just laugh to myself. :-)</p>
<p>Of course it helps that my daughter is a “bigger than life” kinda kid, so they seem to relate to the concept of her wanting more… but it is much more difficult when speaking to people who don’t know her…</p>
<p>Re post #219 by Winooski and, specifically, the idea of private school parents betraying the public school system. </p>
<p>You’re not the first person who makes that case (or, more accurately, relates how others make that case), but I don’t get how paying the full tax bill for the public schools coupled by reducing the average class size ever so invisibly doesn’t count as support for the public schools. </p>
<p>I suspect that there are some private school parents who vote against public school spending/budgets since their children won’t be in that pipeline. That sort of hostility is different and the act of having a child attend private school is not itself hostility – or indicative of hostility – toward the public schools, particularly for homeowners who have a direct financial interest in seeing the public schools flourish.</p>
<p>In small school systems, at least in my part of the woods, when children aren’t in the public school, the school loses the state money allocated for each student, though it does retain the local property tax dollars. That’s a significant enough amount of money to our small local school that they are constantly concerned about the homeschoolers in the community, as well as students who leave for local charters or other publics–private school not as much an option except for outliers like my family.</p>
<p>I’ve gone both the homeschool and private school route for over ten years now, and people have just given up the comments at this point. A mixture of fear of the state of the public school and guilt (am I doing the best thing for MY kid? Why is she doing something different?) drives it all.</p>
<p>The negative reaction that I still think about is the "I went to a terrible high school, and I [fill in blank]: a) have a fine career b) went to a great college. I think I got this reaction a lot because I stressed that DS was the driving force behind BS. But when asked “why did he want to go?”, I answered truthfully it is because he wanted to go to an Ivy or other prestigious U. Which may be in the cards, but may not. And yes, he may have gotten there anyway via the PS.</p>
<p>I am now ‘sort of’ ready with my comeback: that was his reason for wanting to go, but as parents our reason was so that he would not be wasting 4 years of his life, biding time at a so-so school until he could finally “escape” to college. </p>
<p>But, in the meantime I’ve changed my response to “he wasn’t feeling challenged enough here”. Still true, and I haven’t gotten any negative responses to it (yet).</p>
<p>Well, Moosieboy is actually applying as a DS, but we get similar reactions from people - surprisingly mostly from the homeschooling community! It’s almost seen as apostasy to quit homeschooling and send your child to school, public or otherwise, and I feel like I’m constantly on the defensive when trying to explain that our son simply needs far greater challenges than we think we can offer him at home. We belong to a very supportive co-op community, though, and they’ve been very understanding of the fact that our son has very unique needs compared to many other kids in our co-op - mainly that he engages with the material being taught at a much deeper level than his peers, and he would simply thrive in an environment in which these needs are encouraged and fostered. When people look at me down their noses, even after explaining my son’s need for greater challenges, I simply tell them, “Our local public school hasn’t been able to field a full soccer team in three years, and going to prep school will offer Moosieboy the best opportunities to shine in the sport.” For some reason, people accept that reason FAR more often than the fact that our son simply needs a more intellectually engaging environment. <em>le sigh</em></p>
<p>It’s interesting, we get snide remarks from both sides. The occasional public school parent laughs at us for wasting money on prep school for our son, while the occasional prep school parent wonders why we let our daughter rot away in public high school.</p>
<p>I think this is just part of life. Parental anxiety soars when they see that you’ve made a major decision for your kid that differs from their own decision. They want to feel like they’ve done right by their own kid, so they prop themselves up by putting you down. It happens. Frankly, I’m not above it myself, and I catch myself doing it, once in awhile. I find that gatherings of mixed public and private school parents can be very, very tense.</p>
<p>But the reality is that different kids have different needs. Public high school for daughter was the right decision for her - Now a senior, she matured beautifully, she excelled, and was accepted ED into a top LAC. She couldn’t be happier. Prep school seems to be right for our son, who was always unhappy in public school, but loves his private high school.</p>
<p>Beautifully put, honoraryamom! At the end of the day, each child is unique, and what may be an ideal choice for one child may be a TERRIBLE choice for another. For Moosieboy, going to prep school is the BEST choice because he simply isn’t going to have the same intellectual opportunities in his current setting. But all we hear is, “What if the girls want to go to Prep school? How are you going to afford it? I thought you were a homeschool mom! Why aren’t you choosing to homeschool the whole way?” Etc, etc, etc. It’s exactly as you said: when you make a life-altering choice for your child, it makes other parents question their own choices. They wonder if they should’ve explored other options that they didn’t, etc. Especially if and when they see your prep school kid(s) thriving and maturing at a faster rate than their own. It’s just too bad that people feel like they have to put in their two cents’ worth, particularly when it’s not really any of their care or concern.</p>
<p>I cannot imagine my brother at one of the schools I’m applying to–he would not like the structure! (I was telling him about the school and he said, “Chapel? Why would they have mandatory chapel?”)</p>
<p>Most reactions we receive about son applying to a boarding school have been positive. One unexpected thing that happens at work comes a few days later. Your kid does good at school how can I get Johnny to read? I don’t know did you talk to his teacher? You must have done something? Not really in fact we were probably neglectful we did not play baby Mozart when he was an infant. What grade is your son in and what is he reading? Third grade and I gave him a copy of Moby Dick it’s a classic. I tell you what I will bring you some Magic Tree House, and Captain Underpants. If he likes them you can get the whole series at the library.</p>
We have had a variety of reactions here, raging from the completely clueless to the downright mean. We live on the West Coast and very, very few kids go to boarding school in our middle/upper middle class community. In spite of the sad public school funding situation which includes multiple trailers being used as classrooms at every school site, average class sizes exceeding 40 students, Gifted testing but no program, and the district not paying for our middle school’s IB program (yes, we self-fund it), parents here are hell-bent on sending their kids to the local public school high school and driving their kids to their expensive club sports in their expensive (leased?) Mercedes.
What has your experience been? Thanks for sharing!
MODERATOR’S NOTE: Appended to prior thread; this type of discussion Is timeless and does not warrant opening a new thread.
Most people have been positive especially neighbors who are public school teachers
I did get a long lecture on kids are with you only for a short time, etc etc and was asked why are you sending away? She sent kids to top colleges from a public school and she was about to launch their story (theirs are minority though) but I didn’t even bring up colleges as reasons so she couldn’t. Also she said kids left alone (?) will do all kind of bad things, etc etc. I believe drug and other problems are bigger in public schools where kids are not left alone(?!)
We have started to get weird comments and reactions from even some of our better friends. Weird. Thankfully, our frIends who made similar choices for their kids are stepping up big time, reassurIng us, etc.
I like subtle comebacks for weird and inappropriate comments. Like- looking at someone sympathetically and asking, You look so tired… is everything OK?
Relish the fact that most evildoers will go home and checkout the school website. Take that, evildoers! >:)
Kids are rarely left alone in boarding school. My D daughter has about a hundred more restrictions at school than she does at home. And boy, is she ready for some freedom.
I have gotten the MOST grief from my immediate family. Truly horrific (they are all from CA). This was last year when DD ended up being wait listed everywhere. This time around, they don’t even know that she applied and that she will be going. My husband jokes that we shouldn’t even tell them (we live in a different state)…
This has been one of the toughest parts about boarding school. We are comfortable with our decision but still feel the need to “justify” our actions. I wish I could get over this. We have a daughter in boarding school…she loves it and is thriving. It was a great decision for us. Our son is now going to attend the same school in the fall. My mom has said to me at least 4 times in the past month “don’t worry, I haven’t told anyone he is going away too”. We are proud that our kids are able to be so independent yet it seems to be a sore subject in our family (note that I have 6 siblings). Very frustrating. We seem to have won the “bad parent of the year award”.
