<p>Amen Exie. No one could say it better :)</p>
<p>High stakes testing has long been shown to undermine long-term learning. But I’m preaching to the choir here. It’s just a pet peeve of mine 'cause I studied intrinsic motivation back in the 80’s. </p>
<p><a href=“selfdeterminationtheory.org – Page Array – An approach to human motivation & personality”>selfdeterminationtheory.org – Page Array – An approach to human motivation & personality;
<p>I recently had an insulting comment made to me about why our son will attend a US BS vs a European school. We already have one child in a Swiss BS because it was the right fit for her. Second child will attend a competitive New England school this fall.
Honestly the comment knock the wind out of me based on it’s rudeness but it got me thinking. Why do Europeans knock American education? This person felt that students educated in Europe were more well rounded. Whats your take on this? I have to see this jerk next month and I want to be more confident when I have to defend my son’s choice.
PS, he said this in front of my son and he is a little rattled.</p>
<p>More well-rounded? That’s the opposite of my experience here in Europe and it’s not what other parents, native-born and ex-patriated alike, have shared with me.</p>
<p>Kids here get steered and funneled and herded into specializations toute de suite…and it’s all businesslike. My S took a slew of European exams (A-levels, AS-level, IGCSE, BAC-S) and got excellent marks but his American education and his American-style education here were not comparable to European education because he was not specialized…and, more importantly, he doesn’t want to be committed to a specific program of study at the start of college. So – except for Scotland – the European colleges and universities were a poor fit because of his preferences but mainly because European schools are geared to specialization.</p>
<p>If your goal is for your younger S to attend a European university, you might be better off with a European high school…but if you’re looking for a more well-rounded high school experience for your son, you’re wise to beat a path to the U.S. for him (or seek out IBO-accredited schools in Europe).</p>
<p>So, for validation purposes, I’m on your side. I think your acquaintance is flat out batty.</p>
<p>Now, as for what to do the next time…</p>
<p>I’ve got some choice comebacks to offer, but as cathartic and amusing they might be, they’d be of no benefit to you in reality. As much as this jouster needs to be knocked out of his/her saddle, I don’t think you want to engage this person any further and here’s why:</p>
<p>If someone I’m not particularly fond of operates under some gross misapprehension of the world around him or her, my personally preferred response is to NOT do anything to disabuse that person of their error. I figure I don’t owe them any favors, so instead of proving that I’m right and they’re wrong…which lays out a road map for their success by letting them make corrections that they might profit from, I prefer to let them continue walking into the buzz saw that awaits them. It’s actually a highly toxic approach but it’s beautiful in that it comes across as stoic and reserved. In other words, let it roll off your back.</p>
<p>If a similar exchange occurs in front of your son, you can tell your son later that this other person is screwy…but I wouldn’t engage them.</p>
<p>Okay, well, I can’t resist…so if you absolutely must, you could say this much in response (preferably with as little sarcasm oozing out as you can hold back): “Well, as brilliant and well-rounded as [your son] is already, I bet he’ll overcome this hardship and, despite my bad choices, I think he’ll do just fine with university admissions.” In other words, you can outwardly embrace this person’s position and, in doing so, you can point out to him/her that everything your son achieves going forward must get counted solely to his credit and not to some advantage you’ve afforded him.</p>
<p>After doing this horrible, awful thing…and taking the “blame” as a parent, you can make your son bullet-proof to criticism from this meddlesome, judgmental person. By contrast, trying to “win” an argument as to which choice is best, serves no purpose other than to lay the groundwork for this person to keep picking away at your S over the years and to keep discounting all that he achieves as being the natural outcome of the advantages you gave him. Losing this “battle” now is your best chance at not having to fight them (at least not as many of them) in the future.</p>
<p>@DM, Thanks for the uplifting response. Son will attend New England school and has his eye on St. Andrews in Scotland for college.(for now, but that may change may times before he graduates) What is your opinion of schools in Scotland? He’s interested in the medical field. Do you think it’s more difficult to go to med school abroad and return to the US to practice?
My daughter is in the IB program. The biggest difference I see between my son’s US program and daughter’s program is the course selection. She is basically told which courses she has to take vs. son has over 200 courses to select from.
As for that rude opinionated person, I told him I was insulted that he could not refrain from bashing a system that I’m a product of. I think he compromised his manners for his out spoken opinion. For the future I will keep in mind your thoughts on how to handle such a person. Thanks for the advice.</p>
<p>St. Andrew’s will probably be a great place to go to from a U.S. high school. Scottish universities are probably the closest cousins to American universities.</p>
<p>I have no idea, though, about med school and what’s entailed in getting from point A to point B. I can only say that I’ve been under the care of more than one excellent physician in the U.S. who was not trained in the U.S.</p>
<p>I am the fifth of six children, and my parents chose to raise us in a predominantly working class community. We attended local public schools through Junior High, and then we all went away to boarding school. My oldest sisters went away in the late 1950s and early 1960s, a time when there was only one reason teenage girls were “sent away.” Things haven’t changed that much: I now live in a very affluent, white-collar community, but encounter as much stupefaction over my decision to send my sons to boarding school. Ironically, the local high school is much more status-conscious than my kids’ private school.</p>
<p>It’s funny, every person I have told about my going away to boarding school has had the same immediate reaction: look horrified, and ask, ‘Why?!’.</p>
<p>I know that horrified look. I remember last Fall, I got a similar look from a parent who herself had attended Harvard Bz School and her daughter was starting the local very good public high school in our affluent town. </p>
<p>I think some of it has to do with their feeling maybe: “What do they know that I don’t?”
I think they’re surprised that a family could determine that there may just be something better for their student, better fit, better opportunities or what have you, and I think they are rethinking their decision and feeling a little shaken, so it comes out projected onto you. Just a guess as to one reason behind that look of horror (gasp). :)</p>
<p>Yup, bumping this one again…you’ll see why in a sec:</p>
<p>Last evening, son’s dear friend from previous middle school asked him over for some fun. He came home stating that said friend’s parents pumped him with all kinds of questions.</p>
<p>They couldn’t wait to tell them that friend has a weighted > 4.0 GPA because of honors glasses and is already scheduled to take AP classes as a Sophomore. Again, they couldn’t understand why my son was “sent away.” Their older son who just graduated from our local top 100 public high school got into a top school down South (not first choice, but great school nonetheless). It seems they couldn’t fathom why anyone would spend so much $ AND send their kid away, just to get the same result. </p>
<p>Dear son and I just shook our heads last night when he came home from an evening of “fun”. How do you help people understand, that it is not all about getting into college?It’s about achieving one’s potential, spending time with teachers and students who value education and learning. To be in a place which stretches your mind and body and spiritually…and the list goes on.</p>
<p>They also asked my son point blank why other classmate also a rising sophomore would want to go away to DA in her sophomore year. They couldn’t understand thinking she had already missed the boat for grade 9, and why would anyone then try to transfer to a boarding school? They couldn’t see what the advantage or opportunity would be. Aside from pleasing her family, where dad is legacy and sister currently attends, they were befuddled. Dear son tried to explain that this is very common, that BSs add about 50% or so to the grade in sophomore year, and that a student would want to attend in 10th for the same reason they would apply to attend in 9th.</p>
<p>All seemed to fall on deaf ears. I guess there are just some people who don’t get it. I didn’t like that son however, whom I know held his own, even in a one down position against friend’s adult parents, was the target of such a barage and an attempt to make him feel that he was wasting his time going away to school and that he could easily have achieved a higher GPA had he just stayed put.</p>
<p>Recently spoke to a friend’s son about his first year experience at xyz school and got a 30 minute testimonial of total enthusiasm and utmost appreciation for the school. An hour later I saw his Mom and commented on how well everything was going with her son at xyz. Geez-louise did I open a can of worms, she went on for 30 minutes berating the school, the cost and her biggest regret was that her son was enjoying the school and doing well in all aspects so she was hesitant in pulling him out. One of her biggest complaints was connecting with her son’s teachers but I immediately felt that if that was the way she really felt, that it was no wonder they avoided her like the plague. I tried to alleviate her concerns but there was no turning her off, so I just let her vent. The boy is a day student and Mom appears to be a helicopter parent. I feel sorry for the kid but it just goes to show it comes from all angles.</p>
<p>One thing that bothered me in my scenario above is that all the focus from the friend’s parents was on GPA. My son’s BS does not “weight” GPA and give you higher than a 4.0 for an A in an honors class. They seemed to think that their son’s >4.0 - all A’s in honors classes at a public school was somehow better than my son’s 4.0 GPA in honors classes at a presigious boarding school. My son said they couldn’t at least agree that they were equivalent.</p>
<p>RBGG- my children have both been put in that position, and I told them to “smile and nod,” which I learned on the parents’ forum! The tirades quickly stopped after college admissions results came in and one particularly obnoxious mother actually said “I was wrong.”</p>
<p>Umm…the school DOES weight Honors and AP classes starting in junior year. In the summer after junior year, you will get a transcript from the college office showing both weighted and unweighted GPAs. You will also get ranges so you can tell exactly where your child falls in terms of quintiles. If you are at the bottom or top of the quintile you will be able to figure out your class rank. Hope that helps!</p>
<p>I find that many on this very site (and, I fear, AdComms) are rather “presumptuous” about BS:
—BS kids are spoiled
—parents are crazy to send them/how could they not miss them?/must be getting a divorce, etc…
—BS “feeds” to the Ivies and elites/it is a huge (and unfair) advantage
—all BS students are rich and white and preppy, over-privileged and entitled
—drugs and drinking and sexual activity are worse at BS/worse kids/not enough supervision/rules are not enforced
—BS has a country-club atmosphere </p>
<p>As generalizations, these statements/ideas are incorrect; in fact, they are much more often incorrect than correct. And they reflect a very inaccurate and derogatory picture IMO.</p>
<p>Performersmom- you mean college Adcomms? I’m not saying that’s not true, but it certainly has not been our experience. We had a few college admissions people tell us that they specifically like students from our school because they have already adjusted to living on a campus and have a lot to add to the community. Have you had a different experience?</p>
<p>Yes, I feel like there is a general bias against private school kids and BS kids, as those who have sooo much, soooo many advantages, not enough challenges…
Books I have read such as Hernandez of D’mouth’s Admission Matters reveal this when discussing “positioning.”</p>
<p>It is a ridiculous generalization- reverse discrimination of a sort. Private and BS kids come in LOTS of flavors; BS and private schools vary quite a lot and differ significantly from each other; at BS, the independence provides special challenges and handicaps that cause personal growth, even in an environment with plentiful resources.</p>
<p>Performersmom: I know of what you speak – stereotypes about BS are still out there, but I sense this is changing. As many PS’s grow class sizes and shrink offerings parents are, and will continue, looking at other options. My kids get grilled about what they are doing, and while some comments are derogatory, others reflect they parents are truly intrigued. It may help current BS students, but has the potential to make the application process more competitive, I fear. Who knows? Maybe the budget will pass this week too???</p>
<p>Yuh, is this a tempest in a teapot, or what!!!</p>
<p>I guess I am just disappointed at how much bias there “still” is…</p>
<p>Oh, well…</p>
<p>There is bias about everything… in every one of us. And it is not valueless either. Unfortunately, we mostly recognize it only when it is someone else’s bias which differs from either our own bias or our own knowledge. Rather than curse the darkness, light a candle by examining some of your own biases. I guarantee you that they’re there.</p>
<p>I second @baystateresident - there is a presumption and a sense of relief that you know the students can do the work. Those students actually are coveted. However, they’re still having to compete with those few kids from local schools (public and private) who beat the odds and have stellar applications. PS may be horrible, but there are still good kids somehow navigating the process despite it.</p>
<p>Hence…</p>
<p>Where some of the negative Boarding school stereotypes may be coming from is in some ways hinted in this post. If you happen to have interviews with several “entitled” students and parents it can be a turn-off. Then again, I do know that when students who don’t fit the stereotype come through the door, I want to leap for joy.</p>
<p>So - as with all things - be aware of what triggers the responses and avoid it. </p>
<p>1.The “Now that I’ve done boarding school, I’m an IVY automatic” attitude is one. - or worse “My school was better than all those other schools.”</p>
<ol>
<li>Lack of humility is another.</li>
</ol>
<p>If it’s any consolation - the entitled or aloof attitude from local private school kids nets the same negative result. So it’s not just BS kids.</p>
<p>But that’s not a problem on these boards, right? :)</p>