<p>OK...so I swear, I am one of the most liberal thinking people in Dallas Texas... but, somehow, my son has turned out seriously right of arch-conservative (the whole George W thing) and as he heads off to American University in the nation's capital, seems like his assigned roomate wants him to know he is decidely "interseted in men"...that's his facebook profile. My son is more concerned with that declaration--than the kid's sexual persuasion...but my son is pretty "shy" shall we say? and now, I'm thinking he's going to be so inhibited he won't even take his shirt off in his dormroom...what's a mom to do. Trying really hard to let this kid handle his own "issues", but this is sort of a curve.</p>
<p>A mom has nothing to do here. Your son will grow comfortable with time. It’ll be a great learning experience. He’ll find out it’s not unusual to announce one’s sexual orientation on Facebook and that it’s just a basic identifier, not a threat. </p>
<p>I’m also a liberal mom with a very politically (not socially) conservative son. Sorry to tell you that by age 26 it still hasn’t worn off. I think it was something in our well water…</p>
<p>Everyone has to learn what I call “the art of tactful deflection” be it with the opposite gender or their own. A casual mom-son chat over ice cream with reminders about the importance of politeness and civility and how proud you are of his maturity ;).</p>
<p>Did the roommate says something to your son other than the facebook profile? Because many people put that on their facebook. It’s an option and a lot of people fill that out. If he did, I’d also assume that he wanted to make sure that it wouldn’t be an issue. He doesn’t want his living space to be an uncomfortable environment for him, and maybe he’s learned that it’s better to put that out there at the beginning since he probably knows from experience that some people are not okay with his orientation. And he’d probably rather have a roommate switch than an awkward room environment all year.</p>
<p>Also – and I don’t mean this an any kind of offense toward your son – but a lot of people tend to make this kind of thing more about them than it is. Many people assume that the gay friend or roommate will be checking them out, and most of the time, that’s really not the case and that’s kind of a self-centered attitude. I don’t think you should make your son feel bad, but if that’s his big concern, he really doesn’t need to be as concerned about that. If you think, knowing him, that he’d have major issues being accepting toward his roommate and being polite to a guy the roommate brought over and being just as respectful toward the roommate’s desires for privacy in the room as he would if he had brought a girl back, then it might be a good idea to consider changing rooms, but if he’s a polite person (which it sounds like) who is willing to be open-minded, he’ll probably learn something and expand his viewpoints. You know your son and you can probably judge if it’s really going to be an issue.</p>
<p>And as a side note, I’m female and maybe its different for guys, but I think for a shy person, not stripping in front of your roommates is not unusual regardless of sexual orientation. There were a lot of people in my college who would change in the shower or use the closet door as a barrier or something.</p>
<p>D’s roommate last year was a lesbian. She said she didn’t think she’d ever seen her naked. And vice versa. They got along famously, and had signed up to be roommates this year but then roomie decided not to return. This year’s roommate, btw the way, is hetero and has no problem at all with nudity. In fact, several people have told D it might be nice if she said something to roomie about appropriate dress! </p>
<p>I totally agree with eireann, the in-room nudity may not be an issue at all. Even if not particularly shy, different schedules, etc. may mean they just don’t change, shower, sleep/get up at the same time.</p>
<p>Fwiw, d’s Facebook has her listed as in a relationship with a female friend from hs. Do not take everything one finds on fb at face value.</p>
<p>I’m not sure if this is the case any longer, but at one time (probably the time when current incoming freshmen were signing up), Facebook had a bunch of pull-down menu things you were supposed to fill out on your profile. Kids didn’t necessarily know that you could, or should, leave them blank. The “interested in…” pull-down didn’t give choices like music, horseback riding, or math. It was a pull-down menu to identify sexual orientation specifically. (There was a “looking for” box, too, IIRC…choices like “friends,” “a relationship,” etc…remember, Facebook’s original purpose was to introduce people to friends-of-friends they did not already know.) A 15 year-old girl whose profile said Interested in…“Men” didn’t look very good, either! So, the fact that the future roommate has this field filled in doesn’t mean he is trying to be in people’s faces about it. It’s just matter-of-fact.</p>
<p>Also, American is well-known to have a very significant gay population. Your son probably knew this. If his roommate were not gay, some other guys on the floor with whom he’ll be sharing a bathroom will surely be.</p>
<p>According to S2 as of this morning 7 of his friends on Facebook, (6 females, 1 male) are married. And they all are married to Johnny Depp.</p>
<p>psguy,</p>
<p>my son is a rising senior at American. He is about as straight as they come. Several of his friends are decidedly not…and they are all friends. Just remind your son that, just as he is not interested in every girl out there, neither is his roomie going to be interested in every guy out there. And it is generally considered to be bad form to have a “relationship” of any sort with other people on your floor (hence the term “floorcest”) because it is too awkward when things don’t work out.</p>
<p>He’s concerned about the fact that the fb has that listed? It’s not like it’s his banner, it’s in the about me section. Something you have to actively look for.</p>
<p>Your son will just have to deal to put it bluntly. His roommate is out, and your son will meet plenty of other people who are out in his life. One of the normal parts of growing up. </p>
<p>As for not taking his shirt off… Well, that’s his issue. Guess he’ll be changing in the closet. Oh the irony. Also, I’ve told people before who were uncomfortable changing in front of me because of my sexuality to get over themselves. I’m not attracted to overly cocky people who think every G/L person is going to throw themselves at them. Nothing to your son, just saying in general.</p>
<p>Let your son work it out. He’ll be fine :). There are far worse things a roommate could do/be.</p>
<p>Excellent point. Thanks</p>
<p>When I was a junior in college (way back when) I had planned to live in a double with a very good friend of mine. I found out during the summer that my friend had been dismissed for academic reasons and so I went to school with fingers crossed that maybe somehow the college would let me have the double as a single. No such luck. My new roomate was a sophomore transfer student who was also a lesbian. Now this was 1979, being gay was kept under wraps. She never really told me she was gay but within the first few days it became apparent to me. (She also asked me if I knew anything about gay/lesbian groups on campus. This was a conservative, catholic midwestern college) so that kind of gave it away. I have to tell you that she was really a terrific room mate. Her sexual orientation never became an issue, ever. We were not friends, just room mates but we got along well. Maybe because we had nothing in common, different majors, friends etc. She was a smoker and that was the one thing that would cause some friction but never the fact she was a lesbian. Your son will befriend people of all races, faiths, etc. He should go in with an open mind. I tend to agree with the above posters who say that if your son is shy about possibly removing his shirt it won’t matter if the roomie is gay or straight. For me, I never once felt uncomfortable with my room mate. Once you live with someone, you tend to forget that they are gay or straight. I cared more that she was a respectful, kind, considerate person and she was.</p>
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<p>I thought this comment was great! I sure hope, especially after the Rutgers/Ravi-Clemente mess, that your son works it out and it’s a non-issue.</p>
<p>irishmary203, what a wonderful story.</p>
<p>Gay people in Washington DC? Who’da thunk it? (sarcasm intended)</p>
<p>DS (not conservative) had a gay roommate freshman year. Roommate’s mental health became a major issue during the year but sexual orientation never was.</p>
<p>As long as your son treats him with respect like he (hopefully) would treat anyone else, can’t imagine it would be much of an issue.</p>
<p>Before my son started college, I skimmed “The Naked Roommate” and the one takeaway I shared with my son was that it might be helpful to say something like, “I really hope we will get along well this year, so please tell me anything I’m doing that bothers you.” The assumption being that the roomie will then say, “Great idea! Please tell me if I’m doing anything that bothers you.” Don’t know if my son ever said it, but he did think it was a useful idea. He and his first year roomie worked out fine.</p>
<p>Just my son’s personal experience. He had a gay roomate in his freshman year, and that roomate turned into his best friend. They both learned about other perspectives, and each shared a whole new set of friends with the other (including my son’s first girlfriend). Though they will have new roomates next year (juniors) for practical reasons, they think of one another as “friends for life.”</p>