I’m with the OP. There is no obligation whatsoever to mention the renewal. OP facilitated an extremely generous and life changing gift, and in return, the giver got nothing by way of thanks, and the facilitator was deeply embarrassed in front of a very generous employer.
Hardly a situation to inspire further favors.
I’d politely tell your niece how disappointed you were that neither you nor your company revived any thank you note or other expression of gratitude, and consider that advice worth $30,000. Because it is.
Maybe OP should tell her niece and parents that she can save them three times what she already has, but only if they kiss her feet both before and after.
The niece may have sent a thank you note to the company? Perhaps the company just didn’t pass that info on to the OP . Maybe there are confidentially issues. Some scholarships expect the student to send a thank you to the donor, but an aunt is different. That is a family matter. And some outside scholarships may or may not help a particular family, depending on the income of the parents. I would ask directly if they received the scholarship and whether or not they are interested in pursuing it again. See how either your niece or her parents respond.
I think the OP checked directly with the company grantor and was told this woman was unique in not sending a note. Both OP and spouse work for that company. Must be very awkward-I suppose I would apologize on her behalf to the company.
OK, So I missed that. Then, why not just tell the family the truth? You put the niece forward but are reluctant to do so again as you were informed the company was not appropriately thanked. And that puts you in an uncomfortable position that you don’t care to repeat.--------------------------------------------
Surprised people are so unforgiving. I have (I think) a slightly different suggestion.
Call or meet with your niece and let he know that you felt slighted that she did not thank you or your company for the scholarship. Tell her it’s been bugging you and wanted to clear the air. Ask her “What are your thoughts?”
Why not let her know your feelings are hurt? That other applicants sent a thank you note? Why keep this to yourself? Simply withholding the information seems a bit cowardly, in my opinion.
See how she responds. Wait a few days. If you are satisfied, send her a note regarding the renewal. Put the ball in her court to complete the application.
I am a firm believer of being open and candid. I can’t think of many situations where I bite my tongue when something is bothering me. Although, timing is everything.
I haven’t read every post but tried to skim for some info.
Not everyone knows that they’re supposed to write an organization a thank you. No one ever told me and since I was the first in my family to go to college, it never occurred to me. It wasn’t until I was a phd student that someone pointed out that it was necessary and now I do write thank you notes. I never did to any of my undergrad scholarship givers.
Was it because I was rude? Nope. It was that no one had ever told me. I wish they would’ve but what’s done is done. I was supremely grateful. One company gave me 20k and it was the only reason I made it through school. So trust me, I was grateful.
I’m not sure why the OP feels personally offended by the niece but I don’t think it’s out of line to tell the niece that she should thank the org. She might be like me and just not KNOW.
PS- FWIW, even thought it never occurred to me to write notes to organizations, I always wrote/thanked people who gave me gifts like birthday and graduation. I just didn’t see a nameless, faceless company as needing a note the same way a person did.
^^This! are kids that get merit scholarships directly from schools expected to write thank you notes to schools? To whom would they address them? DD got a scholarship from DH’s large international employer, the scholarship was handled by an outside company with no direct connection with DH’s employer, who should she address a thank you note to? She also recieved a scholarship from a government agency and would have no idea who to direct a thank you note to. I really had no idea that thank you notes would be required for all merit scholarships!
This kind of thing burns up DW. We “loaned” and gifted one of my sisters and my nephew tons of money years ago. I don’t recall getting any acknowledgement. However, I didn’t do it for thanks, I did it to get them on their feet. It worked and they’re doing fine … she no longer bugs us for money
Surprisingly, DW’s family has been better with acknowledgements and, get this, even paid us back when we “loaned” them money! Her niece is staying with us now to, hopefully, finish college and get on with life. DW’s sister passed away last year following minor surgery and I suspect that we’ll be “launching” each one of her kids in the future. I don’t expect acknowledgement but I do expect them to get on their feet.
Final note, here’s a link to a funny bit from Paul Tompkins about getting someone to apologize for their dog’s behavior:
I would tell niece about additional scholarships and tell that she needs to immediately send a thank you note to organization that provided the scholarship. You can mention it is common courtesy to acknowledge the gift. She also may be thinking that she “earned” the scholarship and therefore no thanks necessary. This generation is the trophy generation. Everyone is a winner and deserves the prize.
@svlab112, that’s exactly what I proposed in post 70 so you are not alone in your thinking. The only difference is that I think the discussion should be had both with the parents and the niece. The niece may not know what to do or what’s expected and I’d be less hurt by her silence than by her parents, who should know better. I would also provide the name and address for the thank you to the scholarship committee within the company and explain to the niece what’s expected. I’d further explain that every other recipient sent a thank you and that this was pointed out to you, the employee at the company granting the scholarship.
I would probably mention that the scholarship might be renewable but I’d leave it to the family to investigate that possibility themselves.
There is nothing unique about this generation and I’m sick of hearing about the so-called trophy generation. Every generation thinks the one under them is lazy, entitled, and demands something for nothing. Truly, I can give you newspaper articles from the 1800s bemoaning the same thing.
Anyway, for many people it is that you don’t know what you don’t know. How about nicely telling people rather than stewing about it? And no, the parents shouldn’t be expected to know either. Do you send a company a thank you note if they give you a coupon? No.
Again, ignorance isn’t the same as rudeness. Ignorance is just that someone doesn’t know.
The OP’s niece and her parents may be rude but they also might merely be ignorance.
Tough crowd on this issue. I totally get what the OP is going through. I might of made mistakes as a parent many times but the one thing that is important to me is teaching my kids… What Aretha sang about… is Respect. If I drive them to school or give them $10.00 or take them to their favorite hamburger joint. A thank you is like giving me the $10,000. So I get that. From the comments by the OP… It also seems the nieces parents are not that educated. I am sorry if I am wrong. Also some people just don’t get it. If they leased a new car since you saved them $10,000… Well guess what. I would probably do the same thing. Would you feel better if they did something else with their new found wealth?
You are doing a truly beautiful thing by giving a young adult a chance at life with rewarding her with an education. Nothing you ever do is going to be more important.
Just as reference… Just because she is 18 doesn’t make her an adult. Legally sure but not maturity wise. She is “learning” to become an adult. When my daughter realized somethings that she needed to be responsible for when she turned 18… She jokingly told us… “I would rather not be an adult just yet”…ha…
So here is what your are going to do tomorrow (Saturday). Email your niece the link to the scholarship. Let her know since you just found out she is the only one that didn’t send in a thank you note to the committee and that will prohibit her for getting future same scholarships. Give her the link to where to send it. Give her a sample like just let them know appreciative you are and this is helping you reach your educational goals.
Tell her to do it by Sunday at 10:00pm and the company wants her to bcc you on it since they are looking at future candidates.
You have now set her up for success and taught her an important lesson. But let her know she might not get it if these things are not done on time.
Once done you get to call your Brother /sister and let them know what you had to do to get an appropriate response so she might be eligible for the $10,000 for next year. If they don’t say thank you or similar then they are just clueless BUT don’t take it out on your niece. Yes… She is a child learning to become an adult. Help her get there.
My aunt helped my single mom with 4 kids out a lot. We were expected to thank my aunt when she helped pay our water bill or buy us groceries or a new stove when it broke. Even giving us a few dollars just because. I honesty didn’t appreciate all of this till I was in my late 20’s-30’s. I actually resented it since I didn’t understand what it all meant at the time.
Your niece will get it as she matures and gets older. For now, support her and love her.
Again you are giving her a life gift. She will reward you a 1,000 times over as you see her grow and mature and be educated.
As it has evidently not gone unnoticed that your niece was the only candidate not to write a thank you note, it’s unlikely she’ll get a renewal, even if she did reapply.
I joined DD’s high school boosters over the summer. At the end of last school year, the boosters awarded a dozen $1,000 scholarships. Thank you notes trickled in all summer, and were shared with the board at the meetings. So no one should assume that a thank you note to an organization isn’t being read - and delighted in - by a number of the right people.
Some large public universities that coordinate donor scholarships also help students get their thank you letters to those donors. So it is possible she received instructions for a scholarship thank you letter process, completed it and is unaware that since this scholarship isn’t directly administered by the university but came from an outside source it was excluded from that process.
Our local scholarship organization which is also outside aid helps students get their thank you letters out by sending a summary sheet to students with contact information of the donor and asks students to share an experience from their first weeks on campus after scholarships have been dispersed.
So perhaps there has simply been a miscommunication or misunderstanding. As the liaison for this scholarship, I think it is up to you to help your niece get the thank you letter completed. If it were my niece I’d help her through the process and provide the stationary and stamp.
We appealed my son’s financial aid award this year and he was granted an additional scholarship of a few hundred dollars endowed by a specific couple. He attends a state school. I bought him a nice card and he dictated a thank you note to me; he’s severely dyslexic and they would never have been able to read his actual writing, but the sentiments were his. He wrote that the money would allow him to take an hour flight home twice this year instead of a 9 hour bus ride and would help defray the cost of his books. I was planning to attend the annual scholarship weekend (ironically, it would cost as much as the scholarship for me to fly up, rent a car and stay in a hotel!), but H has been ill and we have to cancel. One of my errands today is to pick up another thank you card and write to the couple myself. I had planned to thank them in person which is why I hadn’t written earlier.
As for the OP, perhaps you could have said at the very beginning that the company expects a thank you note but I am guessing that OP didn’t consider that her relatives wouldn’t figure out to do that. I would maybe consider a different tactic with the niece. Call her and say that you have learned that her snail mailed thank you note never arrived and, if she wants to be in the running for a renewal, she should send a replacement note now. This allows her a graceful out. Her parents will, hopefully, figure out what a favor you are doing her.
There are two separate issues here. One is the failure to thank the scholarship committee and the other is the failure to thank the OP. I can understand the niece not knowing that she should thank the scholarship committee but there’s no excuse for not thanking the person who offered this “family and friends of employees” opportunity and saved them $10,000 out of pocket. That’s just plain thoughtless, especially on the parents’ part.
Could turn into a valuable teaching moment. It’s unfortunate she doesn’t naturally know to display gratitude (seems quite odd to me regardless of situation). However, it’s important for her to learn going forward. Professionally, there will be many times when it’s essential to show gratitude, write a thank you letter, etc. She needs to learn that now.
I would believe the ignorance argument towards the committee (although all other recipients seemed to understand what to do) were it not for the ingratitude towards the OP as well. Isn’t this covered pretty well by kindergarten-please and thank you being words we all need to use? I recall the preschool shows like Barney and Sesame Street reinforced it with songs and skits.
