I keep hearing the “non-traditional pronoun” issue (I’m not even sure it’s an issue or a made up issue or what?). I’m seriously looking to know how pervasive this is and how/and/or/who/how many this actually affects. I’m not sure where it started. Looking to listen not give opinions.
It appears businesses ask this now and younger people (mostly–total assumption on my part which might be wrong) think it’s right to do so.
Really love to hear from anyone who knows someone who wants to use alternative pronouns and why that person feels it is important to them.
I don’t have a problem with people stating a preference and I try to use the preference, but do have an issue with a single noun or verb and using a plural pronoun. Hurts my ears. Grammar snob, and I admit it.
My mother calls us the wrong names all the time and we just put up with it. Kids, grandchildren, spouses…wrong all the time.
I want to know each person’s pronouns so I can refer to them correctly and in the way that each person prefers.
Edited to add that in my workplace maybe 1 out of 20 have pronouns that I might not have guessed correctly so I appreciate the pronouns shared either in person or email signature line.
I see it as a matter of respect, just like I expect people to pronounce my name correctly, use the right title, etc. Of course if someone slips up once, it’s not a big deal, but if I gently correct them and they continue to mispronounce/misspell my name or use the wrong title, I would be put off from that relationship.
I actually think ‘they’ is a very natural pronoun for people who don’t identify with a male or female gender, since most people already use it when unsure of an individual’s gender – see above! Or, ‘Ask your parent or guardian if they can help you’…‘This poster on CC said they love their college’…
It’s all about context – when speaking directly to someone, I typically don’t need to use pronouns or gendered language, so it doesn’t come up (especially in one-off interactions). But it’s pretty important to get right with friends/family and in a professional context, which is why many companies now invite all employees to add their pronouns to their email signature (to avoid singling out those with nonbinary pronouns).
I don’t think of it as an ‘issue’ per se, just a way to show people that you see and value them!
In academia it’s very common to list your pronouns in the bottom of an email, or to included which pronouns you prefer when you introduce yourself, though my impression is that it is not nearly as common among scientists of my generation. I’m happy to call people what they want to be called, but I hope people will forgive me if I should happen to forget. I admit I don’t like the singular “they”, though interestingly there have always been cases where it has been used and actually doesn’t sound wrong. Here’s an example, “The patient should be told at the outset how much they will be required to pay.”
I know many people who use different pronouns, including “they.” Not all young people, either. It just takes a little practice and care to get it right. I’ve never had anyone get mad at me when I got it wrong.
Given that I am bad with names, I often use pronouns as shortcuts and hope nobody notices. If someone has a non-traditional pronoun, I probably won’t remember it.
A fad is what “Ms” was described as an alternative to Miss or Mrs. Understanding what a person wants to be called is a strain on your brain yet you figured out how to use the internet. You can do it!
To the folks who have a problem with a singular “they” - you realize that that’s already how we use “you”, don’t you?
He is going…
She is going…
You are going…
They are going… (even if “they” is only one person).
Does that help anyone deal with the subject/verb agreement issue?
That was my point. “You” can refer to one or more than one person. It shouldn’t be a leap to get used to the idea that “they” could also refer to one or more than one person. Especially since it seems like the best candidate for the purpose, at least as far as I’ve heard so far.
I’m seeing more and more professional emails listing preferred pronouns in the signature line and I was asked at work by patients what pronouns I preferred. I know at least a dozen people who prefer they/them pronouns. Doesn’t seem like a big deal to me to refer to people in the way they feel comfortable.
What exactly is nonbinary? How is that any different than being a “tomboy” for example? No offense meant to anyone. Curiosity only. Why would someone be interested in “coming out” as nonbinary (or do they?). Why (as an outsider to you) should I care?
What makes someone nonbinary? Besides a sliding scale of male/female traits that have existed since forever (as far as I grew up with–we’d all be nonbinary with my definition so there must be more).
English is kind of odd in that most pronouns are gender-neutral, with the exception of third person singular when applied to a person. So for a third person of unknown or indeterminate gender, people vary in use:
“he” – using the masculine version for unknown or indeterminate gender.
“she” – using the feminine version for unknown or indeterminate gender.
“it” – normally used only for inanimate objects, not people.
“s/he” or “he or she” or “she or he” – covering female and male as singular.
“they” – using the plural version for singular unknown or indeterminate gender.
1 and 2 can carry baggage about gender role assumptions (e.g. “when the doctor/nurse comes, will she/he …?”). 3 may be taken as an insult in some contexts. 4 is seen as awkward, especially when spoken (and perhaps seen as uninclusive of non-traditional gender identity). 5 seems to be “in” because it is seen as less problematic than the others (i.e. only problematic in grammar terms, rather than connoting something that may not have been intended by the speaker or writer).