I may just adopt the practice of referring to the person by name. No pronouns. Problem solved.
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Aside from those who are actually transgender or nonbinary, “tomboys” self-identify as girls.
Someone who is nonbinary self-identifies as gender-fluid, genderless, or something else.
We should care because we don’t want to hurt other people by misgendering them.
Would you continue to refer to a “tomboy” as “he” or “him” because of the way she looks or acts even after she told you she was a girl?
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@twoinanddone @simba9 @vpa2019 @fendrock
The use of “they” as a singular pronoun is both correct, and dates long before the 21st or 20th century
So I hope that puts this claim to rest, at least.
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After reading the article it sounds like it’s still in flux as far as actual acceptance.
Yes, people use it when referring to a person in general. This usage is old—you can find “they” in Jane Austen referring to “someone” or “anyone.”
However, using “they” for an identified, specific person is new. It is definitely not second nature to me. My kids have non-binary friends and I have a friend with a non-binary child. I have to think hard in every conversation when they are mentioned.
For example (names changed):
“Jane is back in town. They are working at Starbucks and they’re going to take their classes virtually.”
“Sam got their PR in track, and they earned their varsity letter. The coach is so proud of them.”
“How is Jordan? Are they happy at their new job? I heard they were studying for the LSAT.”
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Yes, it definitely takes some thinking and there will be little goofs – but I’m sure it makes a big difference to both the kids and their parents to know that you’re willing to put in the effort!
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I had a difficult time with singular they at first, but I don’t trip on it anymore. Practice makes perfect.
People choosing their pronouns is not a fad, and it’s not going away. There have always been people who were … you name it, all of those things people used to hide. While I realize not everyone is comfortable with the fact that people don’t necessarily have to hide who they are anymore, it’s how it is, and I don’t believe it will go backwards. If someone doesn’t understand, they simply need to be kind and respectful … which means, in the case of pronouns, just use the pronoun the person requests.
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A few things have changed since the 14th century. ‘They’ might have been acceptable then but hasn’t been for the last 5 centuries or so. Maybe it’s changing again, but I’ll go down swinging for it not to change.
Both my kids scored pretty high on the SAT writing portion of the test, back when that was an important part. Neither is a great writer but I think received high scores for two reasons. One, they have very nice, easy to read, handwriting. Even the left handed one learned to present a neat paper. Catholic school. Two, they know the difference between to, too, and two, and their, there, and they’re.
Unless you are going to attach the article on the history of ‘they’ to your essays, most people reading (and grading) the essays are going to look for coordination of pronouns and verbs and will consider ‘they’ as plural. I know the teachers at their catholic school would not accept ‘they’ for she or he, even if you attached the article and brought experts from the 14th century to the classroom to testify.
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Communication needs to be precise. Writing needs to be clearly understood. Using ‘they’ when referring to one individual is confusing to most people.
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It’s referring to LGBT people as non-gender based pronouns that won’t last. It’s too much of a pain to remember the rules.
In thinking about this it strikes me people don’t usually use pronouns when speaking directly to a person (we either use a name or you) but more when speaking about/referring to that person. So this is mostly about controlling pronoun choice in absentia. And as mentioned previously using a name fixes the issue with out the general public needing to adjust how they speak the English language. Also wondering, as an aside, what happens with gendered languages such as Spanish and French.
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Here is a list of gender-neutral pronouns I got from the University of Milwaukee LGBT resource center. Who the heck is going to rack their brain trying to remember this kind of set of arbitrary, made-up words?
| HE/SHE | HIM/HER | HIS/HER | HIS/HERS | HIMSELF/HERSELF |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| zie | zim | zir | zis | zieself |
| sie | sie | hir | hirs | hirself |
| ey | em | eir | eirs | eirself |
| ve | ver | vis | vers | verself |
| tey | ter | tem | ters | terself |
| e | em | eir | eirs | emself |
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And not only remember all these, but who prefers which one.
I admit, too much work for me.
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Mandarin Chinese has one word for he, she, and it - “ta”
His, hers, it’s - “ta de”
They- “ta men”
I like their (ta men de) system.
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Isn’t it one spoken word, but different written words?
Correct.
Japanese also doesn’t use he/she words very often. They mostly refer to people by their names, or when it’s obvious who is being referred to - “ano hito”, which is “that person.” But that’s ingrained in how people learn to speak from the time they’re kids. The people who insist that non-gender pronouns be used in English are fighting what’s been burned into people’s brains from when they first started speaking, which is why non-gender pronouns will go nowhere.
I’m latina and I can’t stand latinx. 
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There’s thousands of names out there. So if you are the type who can’t remember my name is Bob, not Bill, I can see how remembering a pronoun would be difficult for you too. This however shows your lack of intelligence and memory, not that there’s something wrong with having different names.
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This has also changed, as cursive is not part of the common core curriculum, so kids are not learning cursive in states/schools that have adopted common core. D19 and S21 have not learned cursive. I’m pretty sure they can read it, but their signatures are basically printed, with maybe a few connected swoops here and there.
K-12 students are being taught to use ‘they’ as a singular and plural pronoun, in my kids’ experience. There are no points taken off in essays because of that, and in fact, my kids use ‘they’ as the default singular pronoun until they know for sure what someone’s pronoun is.
In writing posts on these boards, many posters refer to OPs as ‘they’, even if we know they might be male or female. It’s a more accurate reflection of today’s practices.
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