I’m a pretty typical Asian male, rising senior, and that means I want to get into a top school. I’m also realizing that it’s less and less realistic based on my profile and resume – and yet I still live with this notion that who I am is determined by what colleges will accept me. I know that’s not a very healthy way to approach college admissions in general – how do I change that?
Just because you fit your stereotype does not make you any less of who you are. You should be proud of your heritage and yourself. If a college does not accept you then you shouldn’t take it too hard - there are so many opportunities in other colleges and you might end up being glad that you went to another school. Keep your options reasonable. Don’t apply to top colleges if you feel that you won’t get in to any of them. I think it would best to visit all the colleges you want to apply to (IF you have time) and make sure that you know that you’ll be happy attending any of them. Attending a top college is not necessary to be successful or happy in life.
I’m having a hard time balancing the “I can’t get into a top school” with the rather impressive looking list of credentials you posted on the Chance Me board. Nobody is guaranteed a spot at any tippy-top school but you seem like someone who should have lots of choices come acceptance time if you build a good list with safety, match, and reach schools.
If you are basing your self-worth on whether you get into a “top” college –
Try not to be too hard on yourself. It’s not just your own personal weaknesses that caused this problem, it’s a cultural problem. You are already making progress just by trying not to be crazy.
Notice and refocus negative thoughts. If you have ever meditated, you know how hard it is to actually do. If you lose focus and your mind wanders away, you have notice it without judging yourself and recenter. When you feel college madness invading your thoughts, notice it, forgive yourself, and recenter on the things you can control rather than the things you can’t.
In particular, you get to choose where to apply. You can apply to all the Ivies and hope for a single acceptance, or you could apply to the Colleges that Change Lives and pick and choose from among all the places that are competing for your attention, or you could apply to the College Confidential merit aid list schools and count the dollars thrown your way. You should choose to do a couple ideas from all these lists and add your own criteria for more choices as well.
Know yourself and what you need to bloom where you are planted. There are lots of things to like about colleges besides how selective they are. Maybe your dream school will be someplace near a beach or the mountains or a fabulous city, or a place that gives out tons of merit aid so you graduate debt free, or has a fabulously friendly students and professors, or runs amazing special programs, or has great school spirit or opportunities for service or for research, or offers lots of team-oriented collaboration or maybe lots of independent study. Whatever. Find a place where you can be yourself and do stuff the way you like to do it. Opportunities exist at every level of selectivity.