so i have been best friends with (let’s call her D) since middle school and now we are both seniors in high school.
I am now super busy with extracurricular activities and school. On the other hand, D is not in any extracurriculars and her GPA is 2.6 something (I have a 4.63). She always fail classes and have to end up retaking them.
Like when we were in middle school, we had the same values in life, and had so many things to talk about. But, now she doesn’t even try to at least get into a college. I realized our values and friendship has change. I found a new group of friends who all have big dreams and try hard in school.
D always wants to hang out with me but I just don’t have time for her. Am I mentally wrong that I don’t want to be best friends with her?
No it doesn’t sound childish, it’s a legit issue. Fortunately, friends aren’t like blood family sharing DNA where you are stuck for life without a consent. You can choose to be friends or end it if they are weighing you down instead of lifting you up.
That being said, you’ve been friends for a decade, about to go your own ways in few months and your friend has done nothing bad other than not listening to your good advice. I say be nice, let her know that success is important for you and just because you are friends with others, doesn’t mean you don’t like her. You are just trying to manage your time. Once in a while do something nice for her so she knows you mean what you say. This is a good lesson in life for both of you to grow up and give other person space to grow, without being selfish.
Not only are you right but you are smart in choosing a positive group of friends. It’s important to be kind to your friend and to be honest (I am just so busy with XYZ) but this is a time to stay on track on focus on your actions that will help your reach your goals.
If you became best friends in middle school this is someone who befriended you not long after you immigrated to the US. And you’re seniors now? That means you’ve been best friends for most of your school career here. So what’s changed after 6 years? Is she hanging out with a bad crowd? Is she involved with drugs or other unsafe behavior? If not, you just seem to be growing apart, which is normal, but it’s not a reason to drop her friendship. You can be friendly without having to be best friends.
I don’t understand your justification for wanting to drop her. She struggles academically and isn’t interested in college? Those things are probably related. Students fail for a variety of reasons. Maybe she has a learning disorder or is having family problems. Do you think she enjoys failing and having everyone know she has to retake classes? When you get to college you’re going to find people who are smarter than you and have bigger dreams. That’s just the way life is – there’s always someone smarter than we are. Do you want them to choose not to be your friend because your paths are different?
Your post doesn’t really contain any good reasons for dropping your friend. There’s no reason you can’t include her or find time to do things with her. It’s actually pretty mean to drop a best friend – especially one who’s been your best friend for many years – the last few months of your senior year of high school. That doesn’t mean you have to do everything with her, but there’s a middle ground between being super involved in each other’s lives and not being involved at all. If I were you, I’d try to find it.
@austinmshauri You raised a million dollar point. So many people struggle with academics due to undiagnosed learning disabilities or personal problems despite of their intelligence. It’s never okay to look down upon someone because they didn’t inherit a high IQ or can’t practice academic discipline. It’s no different than abandonjng plain looking or poor friends because you can find wealthier or prettier or popular friends. If OP can help this girl pass high school, that could be one of OP’s biggest accomplishment in high school. It may not add an award or community service hours on her resume but would make her a gem of a person. Obviously not at the cost of messing up her on grades.
I had best friends like that in High School. We were taking completely different paths but we still hung out and chatted in lunch. I graduated last year and I still talk to them. One went straight off to work, the other is working/college, the other is in college and my other best friend moved out to dorm while I’m taking a gap year before college doing volunteer work/travelling. It’s okay to take different paths and still be friends! It’s good that you’re focusing on your future and all but in reality, it’s the people in your life that matter too. Don’t let her go, help her out. My friend almost dropped out of high school but my friends and I made sacrifice of our time to support eachother and hang out- then we walked out of our graduation ceremony giving each other high fives lol. You will make new friends , but there’s nothing like old friends you know, but if you feel like this is the end of your friendship it’s okay to say goodby. BUT if you posted about this, then she means something to you. Help her , you don’t have to “fix” her, just be her friend and listen to what she’s gotta say. Hope the best to ya
“Make New Friends but Keep the Old. One is silver and the other is gold.” Old Girl Scout Saying from childhood still rings true. Differences are what make friends unique, fun and learn from one another. Some things you can learn from her are empathy, compassion and dedication to relationships and she can learn drive, determination and dreaming big from you among other things. This girl may not be headed for college now, have bad grades or what have you, but one day she may be a business owner, movie star or power broker. Looking down on her now isn’t going to make you better. You can fade the friendship from best friends to once a week, month, friends or once in awhile social friends. You will definitely grow in different directions after senior year anyway. Don’t cast her aside for others. Try to balance your relationships. Things happen, life is too short, and you may miss her one day
@readthetealeaves I remember that old song too! I repeat it to DD all the time.
OP definitely keep your old friends as long as you can. Keep doing your activities. Just make some time every now and then to get together, if only for a meal or a movie.
@Groundwork2022 makes a very good point. My kid has two sets of friends. One are high achievers with big plans going to selective schools, while the other are a bit more artsy, put less effort into academics, and are looking at a much less selective places. My kid is, academically, much more like the first group, high stats, academic achievements and wanting to go to colleges which provide more challenges.
So there are friends that my kid will talk about college plans with, and friend with whom she’ll go to see midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture show. I am sure that there are a bunch of activities that the you can do with your Middle School friend. So long as the middle school friend in not a “bad influence”, and there is little evidence that this is the case, you should spend some time with your old best friend.If you want to take a break from studies, meet her for coffee, go see a movie that you both like, etc. Soon you’ll be going off to college, and you’ll likely drift apart, but visiting back home will always be more pleasant if you have old friends to hang out with.
As long as she is OK with how you’ve changed, and still wants to be friends, try and be do same.
Sometimes friends grow apart - it happens. If you don’t want to keep this friendship going - don’t. Just be honest about your reasons. Im sure there is a lot more to this story than you are sharing…
Restrict your conversation to the things people talk about on this website. Quickly she will get bored as hell and drop YOU as a friend. Problem solved.