<p>@ChocoChipMom I’m so sorry and also surprised to hear this! When my D attended an overnight event at Wellesley, we sort of went into it expecting a level of snootiness (and type-A competitiveness) and I fully expected the experience to be a “cross-it-off-the-list” thing for her. However, her experience was just the opposite. She felt completely welcomed and thought the students were well-rounded, not TOO intense, and not snooty at all (if it matters she’s from a tiny town in Maine and went to public school and dresses uniquely… definitely not your privileged prep school type!) So I really hope that this was an isolated thing with just a small group of girls. I HOPE your daughter’s overnight experience will be like my D’s at Mount Holyoke this weekend: she is radiant with excitement and feels like she has “found her people!”</p>
<p>@Orangevanilla, I think you’re right…thanks. I told her to start posting on the Wellesley FB group and maybe “meet” kids that way. She said nobody is really posting there - hopefully she will start and maybe at SOC can meet you and other nice girls and have a better experience.</p>
<p>@Okeydokey4, i keep telling myself it will work out 
thanks for the reassurance. Newbie here.</p>
<p>@Staceyneil, thanks So good to hear that. She has loved Wellesley for quite some time - read about it in a fiction book a few years ago and just in the past couple years discovered it actually is a real school and has felt that it’s the place she wants to be. Thanks for sharing your daughter’s experience. Gives me hope.</p>
<p>I don’t have any association with Wellesley either but I’ll make a few observations…</p>
<p>Don’t confuse the campus culture with the admitted student group. Many of those kids will not show up on campus in the fall.</p>
<p>My guess is that your daughter’s right on in her thoughts that some of the competitive or snarky comments might be borne out of discomfort with the situation. I’ve seen it happen in prep school admissions; kids who are feeling a bit unsure of themselves letting everyone know that the school isn’t their only option. It can happen very quickly. One kid asks another what other schools they’re visiting and all of a sudden no one wants to look like the loser who has no other choices.</p>
<p>Remember, you saw only a small slice of admitted students, and they were all kids from your area. I don’t know where you live, but the issue may be as much about your local culture as the Wellesley culture.</p>
<p>Although I think cptofthehouse was perhaps unduly harsh, I was put off by your use of the term “quality people” and your criticism of 17 and 18 year old for not yet having mapped out their career plans. If your daughter had asked mine what her “passion” was mine would have thought it strange. She’s a strong student and leader and a recruited athlete but she would have found the question aggressive and/or competitive. I’m not sure why you would criticize the girls as directionless and at the same time be critical of a girl who said she wanted to be around other leaders. Isn’t that a different way of saying what you’ve said you want for your daughter, a motivated and active peer group?</p>
<p>You daughter sounds like an amazing kid and hopefully you and she will give Wellesley a fair chance.</p>
<p>@Sue22…she only asked the passion question because it was a large part of the speech content the alumni gave. She also asked what do u do for fun and was told…I visit art galleries…and she complimented a girl on her pretty hair and that didnt go over well either…she was reaching…trying to make conversation and find common ground of any type. The passion question was something she thought - since they all sat through a talk about it - they’d maybe have in common. Definitely not something she’d ever asked anyone else before. </p>
<p>We live 2 hours from this event. It’s not our “local” but it was as local as it got for us. Our local culture is not their local culture, that’s why I said a few posts back that my daughter has a new appreciation for where we live… and OUR local culture. </p>
<p>Captain can go away. People that have no daughters, nothing to do with Wellesley, etc…= no reason to post. I gave her/him/whoever the benefit of the doubt on his/hers/whoever first post, but he/her/whoever came around again to clarify the dig. Not necessary. I feel bad if that’s what that peeps does all day, stick it’s nose in situations to add negativity. </p>
<p>Quality people was meant as kids that are nice. Nothing more. I forget nobody here knows me or my heart and i assumed im not going to be nitpicked for words or phrasing. I was wrong.its fine. Live and learn. I’m thinking CC forums is probably not my people. I would never jump aboard a thread, knowing nothing, only to add nasty remarks hidden in advice and wisdom. </p>
<p>I happen to be an admitted student of the Class of 2018 and I might have attended the ¨get together¨ you speak of. I, however, have never attended a private school; therefore, your summation of the ¨snobby¨" girls your daughter speaks of is not entirely accurate. Many of the girls I met were down to earth and quite friendly. In addition, her claim that the Wellesley FB group is not active is not true. Girls post at least once a day, if not more. I encourage you to keep an open mind about the women who attend this college–the small group of girls she met at the alumni gathering do not represent the entire community of Wellesley. </p>
<p>@14tjohnson She is on the FB group the school linked her to. She said it isn’t very active…she’s comparing it to the others she’s a member of. Nothing has yet deterred her from Wellesley. I have a very open mind. And a hopeful one I want her to find her people and be happy and get a fantastic education. She was just disappointed in the girls she met at that event. Apparently she didn’t meet you. Have a great day. </p>
<p>Chocochipmom, are you in Chicago? I’m referring to the Chicago meet and greet of a few years ago - the girls were pleasant enough, but D didn’t find any new BFF’s. But that was OK, since she really hasn’t seen much of the Chicago-area girls at all other than one that she has remained friendly with. </p>
<p>" The girls there at the event all went to expensive brand name private schools in the city and didnt even mind sharing the cost haha.,.my daughter goes go a nice public hs…and they just about ewwwwed at that. And snubbed her because they have never heard of our town. She said she felt like the country bumpkin outsider cousin lol."</p>
<p>Are you absolutely sure they “ewwwwed” at that, or that your daughter FELT that she was outclassed? I don’t think my D’s ever felt that with any of the Wellesley girls who went to the tony / expensive private high schools in our town. </p>
<p>I will comment that at a place like Wellesley (any elite school) you’re going to find kids from a lot of money, and it’s important to not let yourself be unduly intimidated by it or to assess people as “intimidating” or “snotty” when they may well not be, at all. </p>
<p>And if you live in a small town far from Chicago (which I’m guessing), it’s not “wrong” that someone who lives closer in or in the city hasn’t heard of it. </p>
<p>@ChocoChipMom, I know that you are ambivalent about your D going to Wellesley. It may, when all is said and done, not be her final choice for valid reasons. But I don’t think that the lack of immediate camaraderie at a local accepted students event is a cause for great concern or a symptom of something fundamentally wrong with Wellesley students. I can assure you that they are not all Queens of Mean. </p>
<p>You mention, somewhat dismissively, a girl who said she likes to go to art galleries for fun. That would describe my D (class of 2016, Art History major). I happen to think she is also a nice girl, and her taste for galleries does not indicate anything nefarious or frivolous about her character. Also, 18-year-olds are awkward. They are not good at schmoozing. That is one of the things one learns to do in college with people of different backgrounds. </p>
<p>I know you are not convinced that Wellesley is the best place for your D, and that is natural and understandable. But it’s not necessary to justify your concerns by suggesting that the students are not nice girls or quality people. Surely you can see why that gets peoples’ back up.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl, I appreciate your comments but Im not going to keep giving reasons why they aren’t valid (probably the wrong word and not meant to insult) because I’ll have to keep sharing more of my life and open up myself more to ridicule. Thank you for the comments though. I know from lurking your DD is at Wellesley. </p>
<p>"My husband said the parents were normal ish when they werent bragging about their daughters’ stats…always one upping the numbers, the admitted schools, the merit offers…he has no clue about our daughter’s anything lol…its not something we even discuss. "</p>
<p>Keep in mind that you will never, ever run into any of these parents again, so it’s of no consequence how they act / behave. There was one parent there whom H actually knew in a professional context (and hadn’t known her D was going to Wellesley too), but beyond that - don’t be either heartened or disheartened. The other parents are a non-issue.</p>
<p>" I guess an alumn spoke about the wonderful girls at wellesley and all their different passions and goals and how terrific an atmosphere when all of these different passions and goals come together…(& that is what WE thought wellesley was like)…well to make convo, my daughter (who does have a passion and is extremely motivated) asked a few kids what theirs is…one said shes wanted to be a doctor since kindergarden…and shes not sure why…another said she has none currently but went thru a period in 2nd grade where she wanted to be a construction worker until she figured that job is beneath her…yes, she said that…another said she wants to be among other leaders and that shes sick of being around followers…seriously…"</p>
<p>I have to be honest. My D couldn’t really answer that passion question either. She doesn’t have one. She’s just smart and driven. She entered planning to major in X and now changed so she’s majoring in Y. She’s going to do just fine, but she’s not one of those “had to be a doctor from the day I was born” types. And that’s just fine. </p>
<p>“Are there “normal” girls at wellesley? Down to earth nice kids? Or are they mostly well to do bragalicious kids with vague priorities and no passions other than themselves?”</p>
<p>Yes, there are “normal” girls at Wellesley. Absolutely. My D is one of them. She’s not out to save the world or cure cancer. She just wants an excellent education and to work hard. She is privileged, but very down to earth.</p>
<p>@NJSue, thanks. I did say from what I read on these forums the type of girls she met at the event didn’t seem like the students that attend…(and I’m sure somebody will post my exact quote and maybe it’s not the same as I just typed it now- but i said it) but it wasn’t sitting well and it was troubling me. As a mom, I want my daughter to be happy. That is my numero uno priority… and safe. We all want the best for our kids. I just wanted a little assurance that these girls weren’t the standard at Wellesley. It was just really shocking to both my husband and daughter. So it was troubling me. OK? </p>
<p>So sorry to offend anyone. That wasn’t my intention at all. Wellesley is where she still wants to be and we care enough for her happiness to give it another go - so we are flying out east the end of this month - not on Wellesley’s free offer, but at our own cost so that she can also see Bryn Mawr.</p>
<p>Truly, chocochip mom, I’m just trying to help - I certainly have no vested interest in whether your daughter goes or doesn’t-go to Wellesley! It’s just a different experience from when my D attended a similar get-together.</p>
<p>BTW, the one that my D attended was held at the home of the alum with whom she interviewed (and with whom she really hit it off). This particular alum is very successful. Gorgeous home, gorgeous area, a lot of wealth evident in the surroundings. We have raised our D not to be intimidated by wealth, but I think there are people who get easily intimidated by it, and some of the comments about “being a country bumpkin” make me wonder how much of it was truly “other people tried to make her feel bad” versus “she felt intimidated.” Of course, I wasn’t there, so I don’[t know, but I do think it’s food for thought.</p>
<p>@ChocoChipMom - Here is guy’s perspective. I was one of those Harvard guys who dated Wellesley women. Yes, there are those type of people at Wellesley, as there are in all schools. There are also those like your daughter. I dated those like your daughter and had no problem finding them, so they cannot be that rare. It was easy to avoid others that were not my type. Take that for what it is worth, but my social life was never shorted; doubt your daughter’s would be as well.</p>
<p>One another note, one thing you will find on CC is many posters believe their limitations are your limitations. Because they cannot do something successfully or see themselves doing something successfully, then no way could you be doing it. And thus, if you say you are, you must be lying. Just ignore those people, as they think their skills are the end all and be all. Just remember that before the companies got a dime of investment, over 500 “we know it all” investors said Fedex and Google were not good ideas and not possible as businesses. </p>
<p>In this vein, others often cannot see the flaws or the good in their own kids; they are limited in that respect. They then think other parents are the same. I do believe you know your daughter and understands who she is. Ignore posters who do not believe that good / great kids exist when the parent says so.</p>
<p>@Pizzagirl, i appreciate it. thanks. we actually had a lot of laughs saturday night about the stuff that was said and went on. my daughter was fine with it… the country bumpkin comment was said with a smile and a laugh and i’m sure exaggeration… I understand what you’re saying. We live in an upper middleclass area - but it’s very diverse. There are some kids raised by nannies and some that are ilegal mexicans… my daughter is friends with kids from all walks of life. All good :)</p>
<p>@awcntdb thank you for that :)</p>
<p>If I said anything offensive recently to any group of people - sorry. Don’t take it as such because it wasn’t meant to be. </p>
<p>^^ Nothing you said was offensive. </p>
<p>@awcntdb, thank you but i’ve learned from this place that apparently there’s no telling what somebody will twist in order to let themselves be offended. </p>
<p>I don’t want people to get all up in arms that we laughed about the situation Saturday - we did laugh. That’s what we do as a family, talk about our days and try and make something funny out of uncomfortable or disappointing experiences. I wasn’t there at the event, I only heard the stories and we laughed our tails off. And possibly there was exaggeration to add to the humor of the weirdness of it all…But over all despite the laughs, it left us a little disappointed. </p>
<p>FYI - my daughter doesn’t even know i posted any of this - she doesn’t even know i post here lol… so it’s not like she said, “Mom, go on the CC and let them know the girls at Wellesley are brats” or the kids she met are or anything of the kind… It’s me - as a mom - having a little concern because in all sincerity I expected her to come home raving about the day and the kids she met etc. And that didn’t happen. It is what it is. We are hopeful that sampling wasn’t indicative of the whole. </p>
<p>I just don’t think you should encourage her negative feelings. If all of the other girls got along well and your daughter was the isolated student then she could be seen as the brat. </p>
<p>@ChocoChipMom
I assuming your name means you make one awesome Chocolate Chip Cookie? 8-> </p>
<p>College admission process is stressful to the student and the parents. Like one of the posters said above, don’t let comments by others ruin your day. Everyone on this thread are trying to help you the best they can, with no malicious intent.</p>
<p>Ultimately the decision is your D’s with some input from you. Let her select the college that “talks” to her. </p>
<p>Hope you have a great trip to Bryn Mawr and W. I am sure it is going to be tough to make the final decision.</p>
<p>Good Luck.</p>
<p>you’re assuming she has negative feelings…and that all the other girls got along well…and I stand behind my statement that my daughter isn’t a brat. And she wouldn’t bother posting pissy things or be disrespectful to an older person…especially a concerned mom… So ? Whats your point?</p>
<p>@tamtiger, i naively thought so, but I don’t any longer. </p>
<p>You all carry on and have a good day. I’m done defending and explaining and clarifying. Luckily I have better things to do. </p>