<p>My husband took my daughter downtown to a wellesley alumni social for admitted students over the weekend...I had other obligations with my younger daughter so could not attend...this IS just hearsay, but their stories jived and their experience was not at all what they expected...and its a little troubling.</p>
<p>my daughter was really looking forward to meeting other "local" girls (she wont come out and say wellesley is her final decision but the reason she changed up her schedule on saturday to attend this event was she "wanted to meet girls she might be flying with and possibly a room mate") ...anyway, she was excited to be able to go and I was thinking of her the whlle afternoon and couldnt wait to hear how it went...I thought shed have fun exciting news.</p>
<p>it was awful. The alumni were wonderful. Have to say that. Nice friendly welcoming down to earth women. The kids another story. She said it was like a crowd of Verucas from Willy Wonka...one girl even made her mom cry with her snarky words in public. My husband said the parents were normal ish when they werent bragging about their daughters' stats..always one upping the numbers, the admitted schools, the merit offers...he has no clue about our daughter's anything lol..its not something we even discuss. We know her ACT score because she was so excited about it possibly being her golden ticket into wellesley -honestly. Wellesley is her dream school. The girls there at the event all went to expensive brand name private schools in the city and didnt even mind sharing the cost haha.,.my daughter goes go a nice public hs..and they just about ewwwwed at that. And snubbed her because they have never heard of our town. She said she felt like the country bumpkin outsider cousin lol.</p>
<p>I guess an alumn spoke about the wonderful girls at wellesley and all their different passions and goals and how terrific an atmosphere when all of these different passions and goals come together..(& that is what WE thought wellesley was like)....well to make convo, my daughter (who does have a passion and is extremely motivated) asked a few kids what theirs is..one said shes wanted to be a doctor since kindergarden...and shes not sure why...another said she has none currently but went thru a period in 2nd grade where she wanted to be a construction worker until she figured that job is beneath her..yes, she said that..another said she wants to be among other leaders and that shes sick of being around followers....seriously....</p>
<p>We laughed alot Saturday night about the comments and the phoney airs and snobby ways..but giggles aside, its really been bothering me. I thought wellesley cared about admitting GOOD girls with strong goals and ambitions..not just stats or full payers...I thought wellesley wanted young women that have potential to make a difference in the world. This group was so unexpected and disappointing. I have a disappointment in Wellesley admissions too now :-/</p>
<p>Are there "normal" girls at wellesley? Down to earth nice kids? Or are they mostly well to do bragalicious kids with vague priorities and no passions other than themselves? My daughter didnt go to this mixer with any other hope in mind other than meeting nice girls and mabe forming a few local bonds. Shes shy ish and this wasnt easy for her, but she wants wellesley badly enough to put herself out there and thought shed find her peeps there Saturday.</p>
<p>D will be attending the open campus weekend and staying in a dorm also - which is out of her comfort zone - but I think itll be the make or break it experience. Please tell me this city group isnt the norm...from what ive read on this forum it is not...but odd to find a roomful of them. Both Dh and D said it was Twilight Zone.</p>
<p>First of all, when one enters a setting where one does not know the "players’, one is a lot harder on everyone. I’ve taken people to things like this where they had nothing but snide remarks and criticisms and stories about the terrible people there, and I am sitting there looking at them incredulously, as I thought their kid and their kids’ friends fit that group perfectly. It’s just that they were used to the faults and remarks and other things that their crowd does. I have a very dear friend who was telling me how down to earth and wonderful her DD and friends were after a pre prom thing at their house (my son was the date) and my mouth fell open. They were a bunch of spoiled brats as I ever saw them, and I’ve had kids the top name private high schools. These kids were all public school kids and they were not that much different from crowds I’ve seen. You just are used to your own stench, I guess. We accept the loud mouth Mabel, as we’ve known her for years, and the Jen who makes these remarks that are soooo socially incorrect because we know she doesn’t mean them It’s very difficult to assess ones’ own kids and their peers. You get used to them and their rough edges and snarky remarks are forgiven as they “really are good kids”. </p>
<p>I say this as someone who knows public school kids who loved Wellesley just fine. I’ve heard remarks about how snooty certain school districts are and certain private schools, and it’s always said with the home school being the great mid point. Amused me to know end being around all of this for now nearly 30 years. The norm is the home pond and unless it’s so murky, you can’t ignore it, one is very defensive and is forgiving when one sees the warts on the toads from elsewhere. </p>
<p>Lol…my daughter has a new appreciation for where she grew up and went to school - even if its not designer label- after meeting these girls. Saturday night she said “I guess we just raised a nice group of kids out here” …and its true…good people…good values, morals, etc. Its just really shocking- once we leave our lil comfy corner of the world - to see what is really out there…(and weve travelled alot so weve seen plenty) …but what Wellesley (which we have a high regard for) thinks is A OK is what isnt sitting well with us…I just hope these bratty girls with their many other acceptances choose to go elsewhere. </p>
<p>My D attended this same event in our city and did not have this experience. There were plenty of private school girls in attendance but they were all very nice and all mingled very well. I met just about every parent and listened to the kids talk to each other as well as the parents and kids cross mingling - and I talked to a bunch of the girls. </p>
<p>If anything, I thought they were all on exceedingly polite drippy sweet behavior - as they should have been.</p>
<p>My D has not once reported a girl behaving like you mention above - she would not like her/it. Now, I may not have received such a report if there was one, but clearly it is not the norm for W girls to be snotty, bratty, mean rich girls. NOT OUR EXPERIENCE!!! I am even going to take a guess that a girl behaving like you mention above would either have to quickly change her ways or wouldn’t have many friends.</p>
<p>@maidenMom thanks. We visited campus last October and we didnt feel any uppity vibe, my D has received a friendly letter from a student, nice emails from the college, and a lovely note from an admin rep.spoke to a couple FA reps…nothing prepared her for the type of girls and comments made at this event. She was truly shocked and disappointed. I suggested maybe they were feeling insecure and nervous and thats why the “airs”…she said SHE was nervous and they made her feel like a little nothing. we shall see. It hasnt deterred her from wellesley but it just doesnt sit so well. </p>
<p>Awww, I don’t know anything about Wellesley but just wanted give a virtual hug to your daughter. I had a similar experience at a college I was really excited about going to. Were these current students or potential students though? Because I know that while many of the potential students could just as well be the students your daughter met, the actual students I later met were wonderful down to earth girls who I really enjoyed being around. I’m sure some of those girls will get into Wellesley, but I’m sure plenty more sweet, down-to-earth girls will be there as well. No college is going to have just one type of person no matter how hard they try. I live in the south, and even at the wealthiest, most “snobby,” southern prep colleges, there are are all kinds of students to be found. Once again, so sorry about your daughter’s sad experience, and hope she’ll either find other students who can be her best friends, or find a different college where she’d fit in better. </p>
<p>I know a nice girl who attended the Wellesley event in our town and did not have this experience either. I have also gone to alumni admitted school parties for other schools and I think sometimes the kids gel and sometimes they really don’t.</p>
<p>@Chocochipmom, don’t let this color your thinking. What your daughter experienced is not the norm at Wellesley at all. My daughter is a first-year there and has made many normal, down to earth friends from many different backgrounds. I can’t imagine the girls your daughter met wanting to go there, let alone thriving there, but I guess everyone has room for growth, right?</p>
<p>@Massmomm, thanks! We are looking forward to visitng Wellesley again at the end of the month and im hoping (as i know my daughter is!) she runs into more normal girls there. It means so much to her to have been accepted there - I hope its all shes thinking it is 
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<p>@southerncharm95 aw thanks. One of my daughter’s other top schools is Tulane. When we visited we were welcomed so graciously everywhere we went. Loved that southern hospitality 
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<p>My D didn’t have this experience at the W event in our city. One girl was a little weird - oh well. To be honest, my D is only friendly w one girl from our city who is also at W. She just never hit it off with the others - but found other friends. It’s really not important that her friends at W be from her hometown. Good luck! </p>
<p>Btw it may be worth exploring to what extent were these girls “trying” to make her feel bad versus her own intimidation. </p>
<p>Disclaimer: I went to Wellesley, so I’m biased and love the school.</p>
<p>That said, those events can be really misleading. It’s just that one local group. Wellesley is big enough that she probably won’t see most of those girls again. There are all kinds of young women at Wellesley - preppy girls, hipster girls, religious girls, party girls, etc. I mean we’re probably all a little nerdy at heart at Wellesley, but I’m sure your daughter will find her clique at any school she attends.</p>
<p>Oh no…she wasnt intimidated at all.oh my…that is far from it,…just disappointed because these were just not her crowd at all. Girls with no personality, unfriendly, braggy…brats. my daughter is very poised and confident and knows her worth. I probably misspoke…it wasnt that they made her feel a nothing, they treated her like she was mothing. Shes a something lol…no doubt about it. She has been through more in her 17 years than most have in a lifetime and come out so strong, smart, tolerant and kind. Shes an amazing kid. </p>
<p>And it is not that she particularly cares that shes friends with local girls, not the point at all…its the idea that this was her opportunity to meet admitted wellesley students and possibly find a friend, roommate, or just to have a familiar friendly face around campus. Who wouldnt want that? she wants a school where she will meet and befriend kids from all over. </p>
<p>Darn thing wont let me edit, but to clarify…the girls didnt make her feel bad…she felt bad because they were not her crowd or the type of kids she could even want to be friends with. Different values…different goals…etc. what she felt bad about was the disappointment of it all. She interviewed last fall at Welllesley and felt at that time it aas a match for her and it was as wonderful as she had read it was…I think they want her too… They have sent emails, letters, notes, a travel voucher to attend the spring open campus for free…she just expected that there would be quality people at this event as a representation of the type of kids wellesley wants and admits. There were not…so thats where the feel “bad” comes from. She has other options but she is still sticking with her dream of going to Wellesley…these kids havent ruined it for her. We will just see how the campus visit goes.</p>
<p>ChocoChipMom: my D is in a similar boat, overall, but turned off through her overnight. She’s friendly and outgoing, and simply wants to make friends. Hopefully, SOC has more of that. We live a couple hours drive from the school and might go visit during the Boston Marathon, to experience the scream tunnel! That’s more to her liking, I expect. </p>
<p>@okeydokey4 I think the SOC is going to be the make or break. My D is going to do her first overnight at that time. Yes, I saw your post about your daughter’s experience. That is really the kind of thing that now concerns me. We live in northern IL.and are doing the final rounds in the next two weeks. Heading to Grinnell inna couple days, flying out to see Bryn Mawr and heading up to the SOC. It will all be fresh in her mind May 1. Thanks for sharing what happened. Hoping for fun and laughs as a part of SOC. </p>
<p>I have no connection to Wellesley and have no girls, so this is purely outsider observation. I don’t know how many times I heard parents heap accolades on their kids and theri kids’ crowds, only to find them all in trouble shortly thereafter, or I meet them personally, and beg to differ. My one neighbor whose DD interviewed at a private school I know, and who took a tour, spent some time with the kids reported exactly what your daughter did. I happen to know the school and the kids well, and IMO I think the neighbor’s kids and her “crowd” are the brats, not the other way around. Future events pretty much solidified that thought. So I don’t go by what teens self report. </p>
<p>However, if your DD feels this is an issue, have her go to a different school. Once on that theme, a lot of kids can’t get off. </p>
<p>Good luck CCM and your D! I’ve been through this twice before with older kids and I know it all works out but it’s kind of tortuous to go through!</p>
<p>Hmm…@cptofthehouse if youre insinuating my daughter is the brat…you really are so way off. Im not going to defend her because its really not even necessary to defend her spirit to a stranger that wont believe me anyway. .ill only to say shes a wonderful kid thats only ever brought us joy even while shes been thru the loss of her sight, tragic loss of her older brother, and much more, kept herself together and her grades up,and shes kept her eyes on the prize of her goals which are to make a difference in this world for the disabled and mentally ill. She has an admirable character and when i read her letters of rec i cried because she has touched so many lives with the grace with which she has risen above her personal struggles and the life lessons she has quietly taught people around her. its actually offensive some stranger poster on a forum would have the nerve to snidely insinuate shes something so far from who she is and sneak a little insult in. I would bet my life there’s not one person that would speak about her the way u do your neighbor’s Dd. I didn’t think by posting this id have to defend my kid. Shed NEVER speak to me in a disrespectful way…never has. She and her younger sis are best friends. They are my best friends. So I will defend her even to some snarky stranger who admits they are an outsider and has no connection to Wellesley, but just wanted to throw a little dig at somebody that doesn’t deserve it. </p>
<p>PS going to another school just because of a pack of brats isn’t going to happen. She has ambitions and goals and sees Wellesley as the best education for a young lady that wants to come out stronger and develop leadership skills. Shed suck if up and live with Veruca Salt if it meant she’d be able to make a difference for the people in our society that get the shaft. </p>
<p>@ChocoChipMom I believe you. It’s most of the CC “parents” who are the real brats at times. But I wish your daughter luck at SOC , I’ll be there too. </p>