Infuriating.
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Interesting. We have always had the wife first. The only time I had an issue was when I couldn’t import IRS tax return data into our kid’s FAFSA and spouse had to do it.
I took my ex’s name when we got married. We got divorced 30 years later. I decided to keep my married name because it has been my name for 30 years - professionally and personally. I just use Ms rather than Mrs.
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Same thing happened to me. H’s name is very easy but people frequently change the last letter because that is a more common name. And it is also often mispronounced even though it is an easy name.
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I’ve never had any trouble either, but I use Turbotax vs a direct IRS electronic form. I wonder if that makes a difference? back in the early days when I would do it by hand on paper, I would try to be “fair” and list H first on one (fed/state) and me on the other. But then I’d just confuse myself putting down salaries, etc. on W2s. I just wound up always putting myself first.
And since I took care of all the FASFA stuff, I never noticed a problem with that either.
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I’ve been married for 37 years. I’ve always done our taxes. At first I listed my husband first and me as spouse but after a few years I decided that was dumb and switched to me as taxpayer and him as spouse. There have been no problems and it just feels right since I’m the one filling out the forms.
Edited to add: I also did the Fafsa and other financial aid stuff and again, no problem.
Another edit to add: We recently set up an investment account after I received a substantial inheritance. I set up everything with the advisor and although we both met with him it was clear I was the one who knew what was what with our finances. He set up the account with my husband as the primary account holder. And to change it he had to completely close out the account and set up a new one. Which, to his credit he did at no charge to us and as soon as I brought it to his attention. I was pretty irritated though.
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Me three. My maiden name was a clunker even before many people added a letter in the middle. My DH’s (and my) last name is easy, yet people frequently add a letter in the middle or at the end!
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I kept my birth name but my three sons have their dad’s last name. Part of the reason was that he has an unusual (but not hard to spell) last name and with the exception of one nephew, they were the only ones in that generation with that last name. One couple I know decided that if their child were a girl she would get mom’s last name. They only had one child, a girl, who had mom’s last name but when she became an adult added dad’s last name via hyphenation.
The first town we lived in I was definitely a rarity. Almost every mom I met had taken their DH’s last name. We moved nearby to a town/neighborhood with a higher percentage of professional women and while still uncommon, I have a number of friends that also kept their names.
I was fine with going by Mrs. DH’s name for kids stuff. Most of my kid’s friends or the kids at school if I was in the classroom called me that which was fine. One kid kept calling me Mrs. MyLastName which bugged me for some reason. I remember one time the elementary nurse was questioned my name on a permission slip and I had to remind I was in fact the mother!
Never thought to take paperwork proving they were my kids when flying. Never had an issue, but also did not do much overseas travel.
I also think some folks at my HS reunion assumed I was not married because I didn’t have a different name.
So far my nieces have all taken their DH’s names, although my nephew’s wife is keeping her name so far.
I live in a high income area with a lot of professional women and I would say I know just as many women who DID change their last names as women who DID NOT.
I have a family friend who owns a car dealership that she and her husband took over from her father. She kept her maiden name because it matches the name on the dealership.
My last name is a “made up” name that my mother took after she got divorced from her first husband. She did not want to keep her ex-husband’s name, and she also didn’t want to go back to her father’s last name (they were not on good terms at that time), so she changed her name to an entirely new name.
Now, I am on my 2nd marriage and kept that last name both times. Our kids also have my last name. My husband considered taking my last name but didn’t want to offend his parents. In all cases it was simply because we liked my last name better. It is easy to pronounce and spell, while at the same time being relatively uncommon and therefore distinctive. My mother chose well 
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Same with me….I kept my maiden name but kids have husband’s last name. It never occurred to me to have any special documentation when I traveled with the kids (without husband). I guess I was lucky; this was never an issue.
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You were lucky. Even though kids and us have the same last name, we have been asked when crossing into Canada if both parents were in the car with the kids. 
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I didn’t change my name legally because it seemed like a hassle professionally. But I use my husband/kids last name socially. So my credit card and utility bills come in my real name but invitations come in my assumed name. I used my kids last name at their schools…in the “buzz book”, at synagogue etc…… The only tine it was confusing to people was when I’d met this one parent socially a bunch of times at school dance pictures taking events ( his kid and mine were in the same friend group) and the next year “Mark” started working at my firm. We worked on different floors and though we talked frequently on the phone it was always briefly and only about work; we never had occasion for an in person meeting. One day he said he’d be out the next day visiting his son at college and I was like “oh how is ‘Jason’ doing at X college” and he responded perplexed “how do you know Jason” and I had to say “Mark, I know you and your wife Susan and Jason from the kids dances , I use the name Maya Husbands-last -name at home” He was shocked!
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When D1 was very young (probably 5 or so), she got a birthday party invitation with RSVP request from the family of a little boy in her class. The mother was an actress on a popular TV show. I knew who she was, but had not yet met her. When I called to relay that D1 would be there, she answered the phone and I went TOTALLY blank on her name. I stammered a moment and said “Mrs. Jones?” She had kept her name due to being an actress, and I knew this, but at that moment, the only name I could remember was her son’s last name (same as his father’s). She said “yes, this is she.” I was really embarrassed, mortified really, but she seemed to take it in stride and didn’t correct me or act anything but kind and friendly towards me in our future encounters.
I was relieved she didn’t seem to take offense!
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Our new DIL chose to keep her maiden name “for now.” Everyone is fine with whatever she wants.
@Nrdsb4 our daughter has kept her maiden name. She is sometimes referred to as Mrs. Husband’s Last Name. She knew this would happen, and really, it’s not a problem for her.
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I think many of us expect to be called Mrs H’s lastname, regardless of what choices were made on married last name. Most of us smile and nod and don’t waste energy.
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The flip side is true in our household since the kids took my name, so my husband is used to being called Mr my last name, in social situations where they assume it’s his name too. 
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I gave my husband a choice of getting to choose the kids first name or last name. He chose last name (his). So no discussion/bargaining re flrst names. I chose by myself.
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I would not be too happy if my sons were given no choice in their children’s first names!
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