I have a hard time imagining S and DIL not talking things out and finding common ground. That’s how they work together.
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It worked out great for us. And we have the story of good friend of ours that my husband likes to tell. They were aghast by our plan. They were going to talk it out and come to a name by agreement. So, they each started with a proposed name they loved. The mom to be wanted “Emily” The dad was like, not my favorite how about “Elayna”. No go for the mom.
So for the next six months they talked it out and came up with “Cecilia Smith-Jones”. So the baby is born and when she’s six weeks old she has a minor ear infection and the doctor calls in a prescription at a big pharmacy where they will do while you wait orders and page you when your order is ready. .And of course the pharmacy doesn’t know it’s a baby so after a bit they announce over the intercom “Cecilia Smith-Jones your prescription is ready” and the mom bursts into tears and says “I hate the name Cecilia!” And her husband desperate to sooth his postpartum wife says that they can change it and asks her what she does want to name the kid. Well after extensive paperwork, she was, you guessed it “Emily”. And my husband says “ that’s why our method was as good as any!”
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I don’t have TikTok but came across this story and found it amusing.
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Would fewer people change their names on marriage (or otherwise) if they knew beforehand how much hassle it could be?
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30+ years after changing my name when I got married I still go by an assortment of names. First BirthMiddle BirthLast, F BLast MarriedLast, F BMiddle MLast, F BMiddle BLast-MLast, etc. Pick a name, any name. Changing gets complicated and sometimes you get combinations you never asked for.
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That’s my thought. Some may attribute a woman keeping her maiden name as a social statement rejecting traditional values/roles. But when I read the linked article I remembered the hassle I had 35+ years ago.
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Huh, I didn’t find it hard at all to change my name. I was happy to, since DH’s last name is easier than my maiden name.
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Does it take less work if the new name is easier?
No, of course not. As I said, I didn’t find it much work at all. But if my new husband’s name had been Gabryszewski, I wouldn’t have changed mine!
@maya54 Glad it worked for you, but what if you picked a name DH hated or had a bad memory attached (kid who bullied him in school, disliked co-worker)? Would he at least have had a say? Or a “no-go” list? DH vetoed one name I liked as it was the name of a dog that bit him as a kid and I vetoed one of his due to it being too rhyming with my other kid’s names.
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DH asked not to know the name until our children were born because he felt that once he had our daughters in his arms, he would love their name because he would love them. When my first was born via c-section, the doctor turned to DH and asked her name. “I have no idea, you have to ask Maya.” Lol. There was not any ‘no go’ list except of course we both knew we would adhere to our religious/cultural Jewish tradition of not giving the same name as any living relative (it’s considered bad luck to do that).
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Update: our son-in-law followed through with his plan to change his last name to D’s last name. Shortly after returning from the honeymoon he went to the Social Security office with the marriage certificate to change his name there, and sent off his application for a new passport which is in process. I think he needs that in order to get a replacement driver license with Real ID. I can’t imagine how many places he’s had to update! He’s also a lawyer who is in court frequently and several judges noted his name change. One expressly asked him why the name change? SIL said “because I got married.” Judge: but why did YOU change your name? SIL: because her name is cooler. Judge: OK. SIL had what is probably the most common American last name, so people seem briefly surprised but then get why he did it.
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Glad it worked for you. I thought it was kind of fun to discuss various names with my DH. And to hear his ideas. I learned not to tell too many others when my BIL shot down one of my names as he thought it was slightly rhyming with DH’s last name. My mom also was negative about one of my names. Didn’t use either because the gender didn’t fit but was annoying. By the next pregnancy, I had moved on to other names.
Ha! My maiden name also looked like random letters on an eye chart, so I looked forward to assuming DH’s four-letter last name. Perhaps because I was only 23 and had only a driver’s license and SS to update (no credit cards, official documents, or professional history), it was easy. I loved looking at my new driver’s license.
Funny story: At one company I worked for, one of my co-worker’s daughters was marrying a man whose last name was Hosie. The issue? Her last name was Shorthose (I know, her poor dad). You can imagine the field day we had trying to guess what she’d do. Shorthosie? Shorthose-Hosie? She just took Hosie.
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I knew a woman whose married name was Cassie Pitassi. That cracked me up.
I dated one guy whose last name rhymed with my first name and it would have sounded odd. My husband jokes that the poor guy never had a chance with me and he didn’t even know it.
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I know someone who took her H’s last name despite the fact that it is her first name. Think something like Georgia Georgia.
Robert “Bob” Roberts was our wedding photographer. I can’t imagine doing that to a kid.
How about Leslie Presley or Dick Siemens? (I know both.)
Lauren Bush married David Lauren, one of Ralph Lauren’s children. She goes by Lauren Bush-Lauren.
