<p>Anyone else catch the cover story of this past weekend's Sunday Times magazine?</p>
<p>I found it quite interesting, but admit to being prone to this way of thinking ("character counts") for a while now. </p>
<p>Over the summer, another parent remarked that our BS search/decision process last year was different than most...this sort of thing is a big reason why. Would love to know other parents' thoughts on the article.</p>
<p>I’'ve been thinking about that article all week! In fact, I told my developmental students (the kids who, for various reasons, need remediation before they can take college-level classes) about it just yesterday; in particular, about the study that showed that character was more important than GPA in predicting which middle school students would make it through college. It prompted me to start a new writing unit in that class, using journal prompts about topics like perseverance, responsibility, and courage from this site: [Writing</a> Prompts - Shari Dorantes Hatch](<a href=“http://www.nonfictionwritingcoach.org/disc.htm]Writing”>http://www.nonfictionwritingcoach.org/disc.htm) -</p>
<p>I also liked the way the article looked at character curriculum at both an inner city charter school, serving underprivileged kids, and a selective, private school, serving highly privileged kids. It raises all kinds of interesting questions, I think, about what our self-esteem focused generation has done to our kids and our culture at large.</p>
<p>Thanks for the article. Independently, I was thinking about “character” on my drive in, and how this is one of the top goals of Choate from their website, to develop character. What I was struggling with, is that I’m not sure I need a school to develop my child’s character. I feel that life (with help from my husband and I with guidance) with its many opportunities to frustrate, disappoint and give swift kicks when needed, does that pretty well already.</p>
<p>Aside, I am not saying that character isn’t important to success, but I also don’t know if I need a boarding school to develop it in my child. I also don’t think this article (although I am greatful for the link), is eureka. Many experts talk about it in different terms, however, such as applying the right amount of frustration to ensure a challenging enviroment where a young person realizes they have to work for what they get.</p>
<p>Developing character, right amount of frustration…whatever you call it, yes, it’s essential to success (however one defines it), and something more, happiness, meaning and a sense of purpose and satisfaction with one’s life.</p>
<p>@rbgg: While I don’t think a school is solely responsible for development of “character”, I think it can’t hurt if what the institution considers to be valuable is in sync with your own views (as a parent). That way the kid is getting a consistent message from all fronts.</p>
<p>And I think it is interesting to compare how the various boarding schools talk about it, when/where/how they mention it, if at all. Of course, only time/experience will tell if any school lives up to their talk about it.</p>
<p>When we looked at BS for #1, they all talked the talk about values of character–kindness, community service, courage, honesty, etc. and in theory, they all care about this with their students. But, in practice, you have to dig deep to find out which schools work this into their culture. For example, many BSs all have some issues with cheating (a by product of driven kids), all have some kids who are not kind (a by product of entitlement) and all have some issues with fairness (perceived or real). I have two kids in BS, and the difference between one and the other on these issues is the type of kids they attract. One has a reputation for taking “nice kids”; the other, for taking talented/capable kids. You can imagine which one seems to do better in terms of working character into the school’s environment.</p>
<p>From my perspective, I “lost faith” (or have never so believed) in my own ways of thinking and doing a long time ago. While I do have some fundamental values I believe I have instilled in my children and trust they will live by them, I want to give them room to explore, find their own beliefs (or even religion) and their ways of life in this ever changing world. That’s why a school that has a diversified student body, encourages independent and critical thinking, and is not affiliated to a certain demonimation of one religion was important to me (and even then I didn’t tell my child’s MY preference so he could have a say on where he would go - and I don’t pretend he could make that decision by himself).</p>
<p>I am going to read that article now. Sorry. :)</p>
<p>I read that article and sent it to my daughter (studying oversees) as we were just discussing the problems in education. I like the definition of “Grit” and thought of Westminster School whose motto is ‘Grit & Grace’. I honestly think Westminster does exemplify their motto although neither of my D’s chose to attend Westminster I still love that school :)</p>
<p>I, too, like the definition of “Grit.” I think it might help to know that character (i.e. perseverance, grit, determination) ultimately seem to be bigger predictors of success that GPA–paritcularly when kids are struggling to do well in a class, not making a team, etc. </p>
<p>Bit off topic, but I got a big kick out of this description of boarding school in a later article:</p>
<p>Boarding-School Blues
By Pico Iyer, author</p>
<p>Older boys were allowed to beat younger ones at my 15th-century English boarding school, and every boy had to run a five-mile annual steeplechase through the sludge and rain of an October day, as horses do. We wrote poems in dead languages and recited the Lord’s Prayer in Latin every Sunday night. At my previous school, in preparation, we had to race through cold showers every morning at dawn before a breakfast of lukewarm kippers or porridge. Fourteen of us, aged 9, shared a single damp chamber and, clutching teddy bears, thought of parents in faraway Hong Kong or Nairobi or (in my case) California. Well-meaning friends shudder when I recall my school days for them now; I glow nostalgically. Forty years on, I see my relentless training in these ancient institutions (partly monastic and largely military) as the most benign influence in my life, and one of its happiest memories. The world is tough, the system was saying, and to find happiness in it you have to summon resilience, resolve and self-sufficiency. This is a process developed over centuries to teach you how to govern yourself and how, as the Buddhists say, to live joyfully in a world of sorrows.</p>
<p>@DAndrew: In another NYT Magazine piece from the summer that I just got around to reading, the author (a dad) makes the following observation about his own parenting: “It seems like a lot of what you end up doing as a parent is trying figure out ways to save your children from you.”</p>
<p>Omg - that is so true. I apologize to my children letting them know that they didn’t come with an instruction manual so I’m flying blind in raising them. :-)</p>
<p>I do like schools that consider character a trait. But only if it’s more than empty platitudes on a wall. What I wanted for my D was an environment where she could grow, stretch and see “character” in action among the faculty and staff. Given that we were pulling out of school district filled with dysfunction and acrimony - it was an oasis to be among like-minded people. That failure is not a bad thing if something is learned from the experience. But that perseverance is a key, often, to finding a path to success.</p>
<p>@ SevenDad, so true, regarding last statement.</p>
<p>I too like the thought of “grit.” </p>
<p>I agree with Exie, if a school states one mission is to help form character in its students, is it a platitutde? How does the school implement this? </p>
<p>But I still think although the school can assist, that’s not my main reason to choose a school. I am looking for academic rigor and a community of caring and sharing. Helping a student to develop critical thinking, then his or her own opinion means more to me than giving them character. Character, as in fine wine is something that develops over time from many experiences,not something you can give someone in 4 years.</p>
<p>Don’t underestimate how much character can experientially come from time at BS. Perhaps, it cannot be taught, but I think it is ingrained in the BS culture nonetheless. Are classmates supportive or competitive? Are teachers really there for all students or is it sink or swim for the most part? Does the dorm or house function as a team/community or is it every man for himself? Does the school tolerate meanness or is there constant attention to kindness? For me, the hard part was assessing these qualities about a school when applying. Unfortunately, some of the real deal only comes out when you live there.</p>
<p>I’ll get bricks thrown at me - but believe it or not there are also a lot of wealthy kids raising themselves, or raised by others (nannies, maids, etc.) When I was making the rounds with my own child, one Adcom quietly said “some of those kids are ignored by parents who are high profile and have full social calendars. They’re lucky that their parents are letting us raise them.”</p>
<p>Hard to believe but the schools may be trying to instill character in the very students we traditionally think as “having every advantage” coming in. I saw it myself at Exeter - and it was an eye-opener how many of “those” kids came equipped with trust funds and no one had ever told them the word “no” or “do it yourself.” The schools screen much better these days, but still - our kids have us. Who do those other kids have? Boarding school staff.</p>
<p>Still - I looked for schools were character traits were just part of the culture and they tried to admit students already meeting the criteria for the most part. Which is why service/volunteer EC’s are beginning to carry so much weight in admissions.</p>
<p>Yes - I agree that volunteer EC’s are looked at with (hopefully) these values in mind. One school my D’s applied to required the parents to list their own volunteer activities (which I think is completely relevant - does this applicant come from a family who values volunteerism or a family who makes sure their children volunteer - walk the walk). </p>
<p>I spoke with a member of the custodial staff at one school we visited and she expressed that many kids are “left” at boarding school because the parents don’t have time. She felt so sorry for those kids. It was eye opening to speak with a regular staff person and not the admissions staff and get their view.</p>
<p>That custodial staff again, was it DA? I think the custodian is a secretive operative working for Admissions, there. :)</p>
<p>Bravery, citizenship, fairness, wisdom, honesty and integrity don’t seem to be the inherent qualities in the fabric of our culture theses days.</p>
<p>At every school, RBG2 
The most overlooked covert operation on the planet.</p>
<p>Although I will say I’m putting a thumbs up for the overlooked security as well - when I was leaving campus I noticed my D running across the commons in bare feet to make the bus for Prom - in the freezing cold - because her high heels were hard to run in. A security guard called her by name and said with affection “Put those shoes on before you freeze to death.” And I had a lively conversation with some of the servers in the cafeteria about campus dynamics. Non-faculty staff are wonderful sources of information! :)</p>
<p>Sarum wrote: “Bravery, citizenship, fairness, wisdom, honesty and integrity don’t seem to be the inherent qualities in the fabric of our culture these days.”</p>
<p>But they are definitely traits that most parents want their children to have, right?</p>
<p>So maybe questions like “What’s your HYP+MS matriculation rate” or “What’s the average SAT score” aren’t really the right ones to be asking during the BS search/selection process…</p>
<p>The problem is I think a lot of us want it all, bravery, citizenship, honesty and integrity and a diploma from a great college to back it up. One without the other?</p>
<p>That’s right Seven Dad. It’s the fabric of the school and its graduates that should be under the parents’ microscope, and how they can apply to your child.
As I have said before Red, your child can transfer to the that first choice college for sophomore year, but if he doesn’t have the character (the Right Stuff) it won’t matter in the long run where he goes to college.</p>