<p>OP, does your S’s school have a parents office or program that acts as a liason between the school and parents? You might want to contact them and mention your reaction to the dropoff in communication.</p>
<p>We get some snail mail stuff (glossy 3x a year parent magazine, postcards for parents weekend) and a lot more email stuff (updates on interesting news coming out of campus, warnings that yes, our children really will be suspended if they try to participate in the now-outlawed Naked Quad Run :rolleyes:). Prior to freshman year there was a (very nice!) gathering for local parents where we were given a list of useful phone numbers and offices. I did refer to it once when D1 was seriously ill prior to first semester finals, so that I could tell D1 who to contact in case she needed to ask for incompletes. Nothing this year; we know the drill.</p>
<p>A couple years ago, about a month before S graduated from a tiny LAC, we happened to see the president of his college at another unrelated event. We recognized him and went to introduce ourselves. (The school is so small that we were certain the president knew S.) H shook the president’s hand excitedly and said, “Dr. M., so nice to see you–funny to run into you here–you know, I just gave $100,000 to your college!” Oh how Dr. M.'s eyes lit up–but you should have seen how his expression changed when H continued, “. . .Yes, our son, (name) is about to graduate!”</p>
<p>My D’s college sent us an email requesting a donation to its Honors Program–after the college not only didn’t invite her into the Honors Program, but also essentially blew her off when she asked for reconsideration after later receiving a national award. </p>
<p>The college didn’t notify us when she made the dean’s list; we found out somewhat accidentally in late July.</p>
<p>However, she is happy, so I am happy for her.</p>
<p>I have to say that Dartmouth is excellent in its care and feeding of parents. They definitely make you feel like part of the family, and it doesn’t cut off after graduation. Perhaps one of the reasons why people remain devoted to the place…and why they continue to give $$. :)</p>
<p>In yesterday’s mail I got a huge refrigerator magnet with all important dates and phone #'s on it from the Parents association. I also get regular emails announcing events, some which are streamed online, like the upcoming new President of college inauguration. A few weeks ago got an email about the night at the US Open for alumnae and parents.</p>
<p>Some schools have Returning Students scholarships. However, many kids do not realize that kid has to apply to get any and apply by certain deadline. D. did every year, except that she was late one year. She mentioned that practically nobody does, so more $$ to the ones that do. In short, this is the best letter to recieve, ADDITIONAL Merit awards! Yes, it is very sad to realize that it could have been one more if deadline was not missed. Oh, well, nobody is perfect!</p>
<p>I have a different take on the declining communication in the subsequent years of college. I would be offended if they thought D/we needed all that hand holding after we learned the ropes freshman year. This year, junior year, we had traveled over 100 miles before I realized we hadn’t brought the parking pass. That’s how comfortable we were with the whole process as compared to freshman year when we checked and double checked to be sure we had packed the ENTIRE move-in folder. D said it wouldn’t be a problem and we would figure it out. We did. I also don’t want them spending money on mailings that we need to recycle anyway. I know that D/we love the university. I don’t need to be reassured that they love us.</p>
<p>I’m not asking to have my hand held. We, too, were far more comfortable this year taking our son to school than last year. Even last year, I told my son, “I’m not sure we’re doing everything we need to be doing to get you started in college, but we will figure it out along the way.” I mean, that’s been my attitude for my entire adult life. </p>
<p>It’d be nice to be acknowledged for the support we give our son. I’d appreciate a calendar, some discount coupons for the bookstore and college diners like we had last year, a note about heading into another year of college. A simple mailing would have sufficed and gone a long way in my book to make me feel more like part of the team.</p>
<p>on a funny note- we took our first vacation alone our first year empty nesters in hawaii and as we were loving the beach and the rest in a great isolated cabin we were awaken at 4 am with a cell call from a student asking for a donation! i told the student, who was very apologetic, that we were not home but we would think about it…yes a few months later we did give a donation.</p>
<p>Miller, maybe your son is the one receiving those coupons now. It’s nice that your giving your son support but by now he is in the drivers seat. time for you to let go.</p>
<p>My kids’ schools publish very well-done quarterly magazines that are sent to students, parents, donors, and other members of the community. I agree there’s a dropoff in communications, but since corners must be cut, it makes sense to cut them in areas where people can access the same info or services on school websites. </p>
<p>One way I don’t really need to be contacted is via cell phone calls for localized weather alerts. I’m 500 miles away, what am I supposed to do about a tornado in the area? But every year I get several of those (apparently because I’m the listed emergency contact), as well as 6 AM calls when the school is closed because of snow. And heads-ups when there’s an emergency drill scheduled.</p>
<p>No, son isn’t getting the coupons. You can see my previous posts where I said he’s doing the school work, the work study, making the dean’s list, in the honors college. No, I’m not doing it, he hasn’t need much help with school work since he was in 4th grade. Just because he’s off to college doesn’t mean he’s not a part of my life any more, tho. I have let go more than you know for reasons you don’t know about. As a parent, I believe in giving my child roots and wings, and I’m all for independence. It’s not about cutting relationship ties, tho, which is what you seem to think is warranted.</p>
<p>I don’t think you need to cut relationship ties at all. I think you might not understand that your " mommy" role is changing now that your son is a sophomore in college. He is growing up and his college is recognizing that. YOU’RE not the important ( or even semi important person) at this point…ER…uhm…except for the $$ of course! why do you need a letter or coupons to feel validated? All the information you need can easily be found on line.</p>
<p>Wow, thanks everyone who has really tried to shove down my throat how “unimportant” I am. Son is grown, thank you very much. He has been quite independent, yet still, will always be my son and will always have my support. But thanks again, for everyone who keeps telling me it’s not about me, I guess it’s just time to go crawl under a rock. Yes, not important, I get it, I get it. I’m not “mommy” and haven’t ever been “mommy” to son, I am always “Mom”. But of course…that’s not important. Hope all you who send your little robots off to school are happy that they no longer need you and you also are no longer important. Thank you. Thank you. Of course, the money is important, after all, isn’t that what we’re trying to instill in our youth today? That money is important, not the relationships? Okay, I get it, even my comments are unimportant. Okay, I get it. Thanks. Thanks a lot.</p>
<p>OP, I’ll reiterate my suggestion that you see if there’s a parents’ support group or parent dean/contact for your S’s school, and give them some feedback about your feelings. Different people posting on this thread have posted a wide range of levels of communication from their children’s schools. Some schools are more communicative, some less. Some parents are happy with less communication; some want more. If your son’s is on the less communicative side, why not talk to them about this? Without your input, there’s no way the schol can know that anyone is unhappy with the situation. </p>
<p>My little robot moved into her sophomore dorm this morning all on her own on the other side of the continent. She needed my help with that last year, but no longer. I’m very happy about that! As to my importance to her–that’s an entirely separate thing from her growing independence.</p>
<p>OP: You may want to double check your school’s website. Year one at boarding school we received tons of paperwork via mail…now they have changed to a parent portal system for billing and forms and we only receive emails occcasionally. It saves tons of paper …perhaps your son’s school did something similar?</p>
<p>No one has said any such thing…and you know that, I think. Your defensiveness seems a little dramatic. You have posted on a widely read internet site. You are going to get feedback…all kinds. Not all of which will agree with your sentiments. And that’s okay.</p>
<p>I love my child, she loves me, she is important, I am important. I don’t need outside validation from her school that I am an important part of her support system. You clearly do. Nothing at all we can do about that other than direct you to ways of staying connected with the school, and you have received good advice about how to go about doing that.</p>
But every year I get several of those (apparently because I’m the listed emergency contact), as well as 6 AM calls when the school is closed because of snow. And heads-ups when there’s an emergency drill scheduled.</p>