I got the flight reminders the day before, one for D and one for me, and was able to get both flights in her name for a day later - we were not sending her to London with limited money and no ticket home. It really made no sense that they would not let her use my seat given I was in WA state and was not going to be on the flight.
We went to the principal at the end of the prior year to avoid certain teachers, well before schedules come out. At least in our area that is fairly common but they do not like to make it public that they do this.
This BS goes on in a good many public high schools, I’m afraid. It can be very real for a bully/bias-type teacher to have unfair and obvious preferences for certain types of students. I don’t have any advice on how to handle it, other than to try to prevent such a teacher being assigned to your kid in the first place (unless your kid is the type the teacher favors).
How to prevent it in a public high school where you can’t choose the teacher? Well, it looks like Magnetron figured out that in his/her high school, a visit to the principal can take care of it. At my kids’ high school, after my oldest had a disastrous experience with a bully teacher freshman year, I figured out that buddying up to the counselor made all the difference. Thank you’s, treats, gifts, and then that well-timed request each year that we’d really prefer to avoid so and so as a teacher next year/we’d really love to get this other teacher for this other subject, etc. She would always assure me that teacher assignments were random…and yet…my kids magically avoided all the bad teachers and got all the teachers I requested. My kids also made sure to visit and talk to the counselor also. Luckily we had the same one for all my kids. It’s a good idea for kids to know their counselors anyway.
Your high school might have a different method of assigning teachers. Figure out that method and work it, if possible. At our school, the teachers are mostly great, but there are those landmines that can really wreck a kid’s love for a subject…and wreck that gpa to boot.
That one teacher freshman year…man. She issued the only C that kid ever got in all of high school…never even had a B. All As…and that C. In a subject in which I have an expertise…and my kid’s work was very good…I would know. All but twelve kids dropped the class in the first week, yet my kid felt confident in the subject and didn’t think it would be that bad. By the time my kid learned that this teacher had a horrible, nasty reputation and would assign a bad grade no matter what, it was too late to drop. Lesson learned the hard way.
My kid just plugged along and worked as hard as possible, sadly to no avail. Didn’t even really learn much. I never did do anything about it, which I sort of regret. But on the other hand, it did force my kids to always scout out the situation and give me a list of their preferences to “wink wink” pass on to the counselor.
I actually approached a teacher at spring conferences this year about a gender bias issue. Apparently my D had stopped participating in class discussions, saying “none of the girls participate,” She did not feel comfortable or confident enough in comparison to the boys because of the perceived favor from the teacher toward them. That I considered partly her problem to overcome, so I did address the various aspects of the issue with her at length to encourage her to speak up more regardless of how she felt. However, the teacher and one particular boy, let’s call him John, were often the only ones talking for the entire class. This was happening so much that the teacher himself started to call those times “another John class.” The teacher was open at first to what I was saying (I tried to be as non-confrontational as possible), and then got defensive as it percolated in his head, and even said “I don’t think I have done anything to create that dynamic.” Right. Anyway, the situation did improve after our chat. I wish I could say that positive outcomes to parent intervention are the norm, but in my experience the opposite is true.
Anyway, my youngest is still in high school, and over the years I have seen a sharp decline in teacher quality, such that youngest D’s grades do not seem to correlate as much with her ability in the course as with the teacher’s caprices or quirks. This is a huge concern for many reasons, one of them being college apps., and I say that even though at times she has benefited from that caprice. Sure, the older ones had a few teachers along the way for whom grading was unpredictable, but nothing like what I am seeing now. It makes D frustrated and stressed, because she feels that she has little control over her grades, and therefore her future. Working harder, studying more, getting a tutor…none of that may actually help with a teacher like the one the OP describes, and that is a shame. The good news is that my older kids never experienced this nonsense in college, with only one exception in which a history teacher’s political bias affected grading but even then she had the self-awareness and professionalism to come around after S went to see her about it. In the meantime, having just looked at D’s grade portal this morning, I am also feeling the stress!
As a HS teacher (AP history) I strongly encourage any parent/student having problems with a class/teacher. To talk to the teacher BEFORE you go to administration. I am not saying that the situations described above don’t happen- they do- and it’s wrong. But- when a parent starts by going “over the head” (eg to principal) it does not create a situation where the teacher wants to have a genuinely productive discussion. Start with the teacher- and then IF problems continue- move to next level. Here are two anecdotal examples from my past year
One of the ways I keep kids engaged in class (block schedule- 84 mins- we do a lot in a day) is by using funny voices. I have a performance background, and can do a variety of accents (English, French, Southern etc) So when I taught about Andrew Jackson- I used a Tennessee accent. A student and parent from class (originally from the south- and I teach in Midwest) took offense- thinking that I was "making fun" of Southerners. Mom got in contact- we ended up having a chat (with kid too) and I explained- went through examples of other places I had used accents regularly - (which mom did not know - kid had only mentioned the southern). I apologized for having made girl uncomfortable, and she and mom understood whole process better. Everything was great.
One of the ways that a student can earn "extra credit" in my class is by watching movies from a specific list and investigating/ discussing their realism. I had a parent contact administration complaining I was "requiring" freshman to watch rated R movies- which wasn't acceptable in their house. Now, I was able to show my principal that they list includes R rated (think Shindler's List etc) and non R Rated- and parent confessed that the kid had never shown them the list- just mentioned the movie he wanted to see (which I think was Enemy at the Gates). Now I have ZERO problem with a parent having a question- but I really resented (esp in something so simple) the fact that they didn't ask ME before they "reported" to admin. A few weeks later the same parent contacted me to ask a favor. I did it, b/c I like the kid and wasn't about to punish him for dad's behavior.....but still, I did think about NOT helping, b/c I was annoyed with dad.....
My sister had this problem (long ago) and she solved it by not signing her name on a long paper. It was graded based on the paper and not bias. Teacher asked who wrote it. She did–surprise, surprise! And it worked–she got decent grades after that.
I hate this type of stuff. D had an AP teacher who just declared that girls weren’t smart enough for his class. We thought D was exaggerating until H talked with teacher (informally at outside school function)–we pulled D out of the class. She was able to transfer from the AP class to an honors class at the time thank goodness.
Op,
For the approaching of teachers for understanding the material, grading, etc, this should be done strictly between your DS and the teacher.
For addressing teacher gender bias, that’s a bit more tricky. In private school, it’s much easier for a few parents to ban together and bring it to the teacher or administration and it would be looked into to keep the parents happy or to pretend to make the parents happy. For public schools, this is a stickier situation. You could talk with other boys’ parents and put together a list of concerns and examples and approach the teacher or principal. Then ask for the next grading session to be without names and by typed essays only, and see what happens, and compare the anonymous grades to the cumulative or recent grades to see if there is any discrepancies. The teacher may not (or may) realize that s/he has a bias, but it would be good for him/her to realize this with hard data. Approaching as a sole boy parent will unlikely be taken seriously, but a ban of boy parents might make the administration have to look into it or pretend to look into it.
@YoHoYoHo those are excellent suggestions. The truly terrible teachers will not be receptive to such experimentation, but maybe the ones who can be salvaged would be willing to try.
Of course, anonymity is not possible with some forms of graded assignments, such as in class presentations and “volunteering” points. Some of these bullies make it very hard for certain students to volunteer in class, and then dock their grade for never speaking up.
@prospect1 - seeing you speak of your child’s educators in terms of “ones who can be salvaged” makes me uncomfortable. Are there lousy teachers in HS - you bet. But I don’t see any respect out there for people who may be going above and beyond for their students. You may be One of the people who think teaching is an easy job (after all, those who can’t do…) and you are certainly entitled to your own opinion. personally I take offense, But then again, perhaps I can’t be salvaged.
@toowonderful - Please read (or re-read) my post #21. As I said, at my kids’ HS, the teachers are mostly great. There are a few land mines that must be avoided. If there aren’t any such land mines in your HS, then you are blessed indeed. There are bad apples in every profession. In mine, in yours, in every single one. If you think that it’s a sign of lack of respect to call out bad teachers, well I guess you are entitled to that opinion. I think it is disrespectful to GOOD teachers to tolerate the bad ones so cavalierly. And, any good teacher should be happy to see the bad ones weeded out, and should support such efforts. I know that in my profession, poor performances are weeded out and punished, and I 100% support this. Don’t you?
Not just bosses. How about this is preparation for college professors. Mommy won’t be able to call them and make it better. It is good that you both are learning this early. You’ll be surprised how your S will rise to the occasion.
@YoHoYoHo - Yes, my kids went to private school. People may think teachers at private school may be more accommodating than public school teachers, but it is not always the case. The school my kids went to was highly sought after. Their admittance rate could rival with some top tier colleges. They have asked some students (families) to leave because they weren’t the kind of students the school wanted to have. I remember one father got into an altercation at a school sport event, the student was asked to leave. It wasn’t until the father apologized and some parents wrote in on the family’s behalf that the school reconsidered. The father had to promise not to come to school or school sponsored event with prior notification. The school never allowed parents to request for certain teacher or class. We were often reminded that there were many other students who would be happy to take our student’s place if we weren’t happy. I always had to tread carefully when advocating for my kids. I knew as long as I navigated within their guidelines then they would respond to me.
@prospect1 - I read your post. I am sorry your child had a tough experience freshman year- but I can’t comment on a classroom I wasn’t a part of. Of course there are bad teachers, and teachers who don’t do their job shouldn’t be teaching. But one teacher can be ideal for a particular student, and all wrong for another. There is a teacher in my building with whom I have strong ideological (in terms of teaching theory) differences. My district does a very nice ceremony at the end of the year where the top 15 students honor a teacher who had an impact on their education. I have been chosen several times (of which I am proud) as has the "anti"me- often by a student I had in class (and vice versa with him). So what made me “amazing” to one kid might have made me a nightmare to another. I can’t please all of the people all of the time - and I’m not even trying to.
I don’t tolerate problems in education lightly. Believe me- there are a million of them. It’s why so many good teachers don’t stay. My solution is very zen- I control what is in MY control (and even then it is relative with state standards, common core, testing etc) my classroom. The rest (to use one of my favorite phrases: “not my circus; not my monkeys”.
Btw- the quote I referred to (then"salvaged" one) doesn’t seem to exist anymore- so perhaps my issue with it isn’t important.
I did not edit the “salvaged” comment; it is still there and I stand by it.
I have always supported good teachers, and I have deliberately avoided interjecting myself in the business of any classroom, ever. I have never even directly spoken to one of my kids’ teachers after 6th grade mandatory conferences ended, other than to exchange pleasantries when called for in the rare social setting. If you read my comment, you will see that I did nothing to interfere even when the freshman teacher was undisputedly a well-known bully. I believe kids should fend for themselves in the classroom; my role was to assure that my kids got assigned to the teachers my kids felt would be the best fits for them. Period.
How you extrapolated from my comments that I don’t support good teachers is beyond me. I am, however, critical of teachers so biased, bullying or terrible that literally 2/3 of the class drops the minute they find out they were assigned to that teacher. You may disagree, but yes I do contend that there are teachers so awful that they cannot be “salvaged.” As in any profession.
@prospect1 - I do see your earlier post. For some reason it was not showing up in my thread last night- strange glitches in the thread of life.
There are ABSOLUTELY teachers in classrooms who have no business, there. And there are good teachers/people who I don’t agree with. There is a current thread about busywork that I have been reading- lots of people talking about AP history assignments that are making me cringe (graded via artistic ability rather than content or, requiring you to drive all over the state etc). The people giving those assignments may be great- it’s just not how I roll.
BUT- a trend that alarms me as I read CC is that I find a lot of teacher/classroom bashing where we are only getting to hear one side of the story. Again, there is another thread (the “completely frustrated after 4 years…” Thread) where posters go on and on bashing the GC of a kid who only applied to 4 schools (and 2 were extreme reaches). For all we know the GC begged the kid to be more realistic. That’s just one example- and I see it a lot. Your original comment (the whole salvaged thing) was not even in the ZONE of the worst I have read- it just seemed indicative to me of an insidious attitude that I have been finding while reading here- of the educational system as something to be “dealt with” rather than a positive force. I apologize for picking on your post in particular. And once again- I do NOT deny that there are problem teachers, problem schools, issues within the world of education. But we are all doing the best we can. Many of the complaints I read on CC (granted a very specific subset of the population) could/should fall under the heading of “first world probs”. And remember- you have been able to help pick your kid’s teachers- we never get to pick our students… Talk about having to deal with what shows up! (Even in an AP class)
Anyway- I apologize again for having offended you. I don’t know you, I have no idea how you view teachers- and frankly, you are entitled to any opinion you would like on any subject. (Free country and all) I hope I have clarified my original position.
Re: anonymous grading – when my DH was in law school, all exams were graded anonymously to help reduce bias. I felt sorry for the profs who had to read DH’s handwriting, though…
My son had same gender issue with a male teacher. He knew from other boys one particular teacher would never give favorable grades to boys. I found it hard to believe, until a mother of one of the girls told me her daughter barely turned in assignments, received nothing less than a 95, said all the kids, (which obviously was not true as the boys never received higher than 89) took this mans class because of the easy grade, this particular class was an elective on national and current events, required daily essays on current news and world events. I asked my son to show me his graded work , all of it. I told my son to speak to the teacher ask him what he needed to do to improve his grade for the next marking period. Teacher told him he needed to raise his hand, my son said he always participated in the class. I then told my son to go to his guidance counselor, explain the situation, ask for her help for a solution to the problem. GC told him drop the class, replace it with another,she told him no matter what you do, teacher will not change, GC had experienced this before with the boys and it never changed.
Currently younger d has male friends who have this teacher and he has systematically destroyed their AP course grades.
Give a teacher one marking period, ask for solution from teacher, if it is not reasonable and the requirement to increase a grade is clearly subjective in nature, GET OUT of the class if you can.
@samiamy, it’s good to know that we are not alone, but I must ask…what in the world is going on when a guidance counselor tells a kid to drop a class because the teacher will not change??? Why wasn’t this escalated to someone in power who could deal with it??? This makes me furious.
My son’s school district has (optional) parent teacher conferences. I did talk to his excellent AP US History teacher (students did well on the AP exam) when gifted son was getting B’s. Son would attempt a book for essay questions and of course never finish his points. I had told son to talk to this teacher about this as he was very good with me about how son could improve to get A’s (he knew all of the material). Son wouldn’t and got the 4 instead of 5 on the AP exam.
In general it is best to have a HS student do the teacher interaction. But be willing to go to bat for your child. Sometimes parents are listened to when the same message from students is not. We were lucky to have a good school system in this respect.
Another incident. Son (and some others) had a complaint about a teacher, which he related to me after school one day. I told him I was willing to go talk to administration if he wanted me to. I was proud when he (and others) did so himself and got the issue satisfactorily dealt with.
Then there was the day students were going to do a strike/walk out for some issue (national?- so long ago I’ve forgotten). I talked to son about consequences of actions- skipping school had its repercussions. Possible law breaking as well. How the students were possibly just jumping on the bandwagon instead of being sincere protesters et al. Did he want this on his life’s record… His decision (and not only because there was no way I could stop him- strong willed et al). I think he had decided to not participate and the plan never materialized either. He did take a Saturday to walk the mile in the cold January weather to then participate in the sit down at the state capitol protesting the governor’s actions.