Thanks again to those of you who chimed in to reassure me after I accidentally messed up my son’s chance to take the Bio subject test this past weekend (the test that his 9th grade honors bio class has been prepping for ALL YEAR…but I digress).
In all seriousness, I do have a question for you wise folks regarding talking to your child’s teacher once he or she is in high school. My son has been quite adamant that he does not want me to communicate with his teachers. So I held my tongue all year and did not reach out to his honors history teacher. This is a class in which many kids struggle to earn even C+s. This teacher is notoriously harsh, which I have confirmed with other parents. And, worst of all, she absolutely seems to favor the girls in the class. This has been noted by many of the boys, not just my son, all of whom are great students or they wouldn’t have been allowed into this class in the first place.
I have spoken to my son several times about the fact that he needs to talk to his teachers and ask what he can do when he feels like he’s missing the mark with them. He has been reluctant to do so with this teacher because she can be extremely unpleasant. However, I spoke with the mother of another boy in his class who DID talk to her, and although she went through his work with him that one time and eventually agreed to give him a higher grade for his efforts on that one particular paper, according to his mother the teacher slid right back into her harsh grading after that–while the same four girls continued to get As.
This other mom and I discussed the fact that it’s very hard to prove that a teacher is grading one gender unfairly. And we both weren’t sure we wanted to even open that can of worms. Obviously my son needs to get better at standing up for himself and asking what he can do to improve. But is there a point–even in high school-at which we parents have an obligation to step in and let the administration know something is not right about the majority of kids (boys) in an honors class getting Cs and Ds???
OP, I of course have no idea where your DS is in school, but my advice is to step back and let him handle it. Keep in mind that no one but the teacher and the administrators know what kids’ grades actually are, and there is a fair bit of posturing among students and parents.
I saw that same situation playing out among parents during my DD’s freshman year regarding a couple of teachers (she’s now a rising senior) and there is a lot of misinformation that circulates, particularly about teachers who are strict graders. “Conventional wisdom” about what grades are “always” or “never” given, or to whom, usually bears little resemblance to what is actually going on.
Encourage your son to go to the teacher for extra help, and let him know it’s training for dealing with difficult people (read: bosses) later in life.
Let him know that this is a learning process on several levels: mastery of difficult subject matter, learning how to deal with the increased academic expectations that come in high school and college, and teachers whose style does not match his preferences. And, it can be fodder for some interesting college essays when the time comes.
We had a teacher who was doing the exact same thing in our district. My D was in her class and it didn’t affect her (except that the teacher was generally a very tough grader), but the way this teacher treated some of the boys was absolutely terrible. It upset my D so much. I do feel like this type of teacher ends up taking it out on the student if the parents interfere.
I know it’s the end of the year, but I think the best strategy to deal with teachers like this is for the kid to go in every week for extra help. Whether he is writing a paper or studying for a test, show the teacher what he is doing and ask for feedback. This way, the teacher might feel some “ownership” of how the kid is doing in her class. It’s harder to give out a C if you have read the paper beforehand and made comments on it which were addressed.
Hugs to you - this is all so tough for us as parents!
"But is there a point–even in high school-at which we parents have an obligation to step in and let the administration know something is not right about the majority of kids (boys) in an honors class getting Cs and Ds??? "
Yes, absolutely! A group of parents of boys who have been in her class should make an appt to see the prinicipal asap. It would be far more convincing if you could also have parents whose sons took her class in the past, and suffered the same inequity in grading. You need to establish a pattern that cant be ignored.
This is a tough one. There certainly are teachers who favor one sex or the other, even when they are not aware of it. When an answer is unclear it is easy to let the name of the student color the teachers perception of how much partial credit to give. I have seen DD benefit from this, and be victimized by it.
The reality is that teachers have a lot of leeway, and it would be difficult to challenge it without access to a lot of information and creating a major project. However, a start would be to write down specifics of anything that happens that seems out of line. Document the day, the class, who was there, what was said, and as many details as you can. As you accumulate them, you may begin to eventually get enough information to raise a challenge.
I would add that when This has worked against DD (e.g., giving her a B+ for an 89.85) I have encouraged her to meet the teacher to discuss it. This has resolved the issue about 1/2 the time. For the remaining ones, I tell her that there are going to be teachers who will favor other kids and she needs to not leave a grade so close that a bit of discretion can move it one way or the other.
I would consider going with at least one other parent, not to the teacher, but to the principal. Explain that there appears to be a pattern of grading boys more harshly than girls. At this point, it may be too late in the year to help your son, but putting pressure on administration to look into the issue – and hopefully address it – could help others, without negatively affecting your son’s relationship with said teacher. Good luck. This is a tricky one.
Yep, leave it alone. The time to address this is before classes are chosen, carefully avoiding teachers with this reputation. At this time it chalk it up to “lessons learned.” Wait until the year is over then lambaste her on ratemyteachers.com, careful to anonymize any content.
We have encouraged our kids to make an appointment to go over papers or tests with the teacher to get recommendations on how to do better next time. Knowing some teachers, this is usually better received than a parent’s phone call questioning grading policies.
My older two had the same science teacher two years apart, well known to favor girls, especially the skinny, rich ones. She once gave my son a 12% on a six page research paper.
I didn’t put it in your other thread, but I once accidentally booked the last leg of my then 16 y.o. D’s return flight from Europe in my name. It took two days of pleading with the airline to get her home.
@Magnetron, oh my goodness! Was she waiting for two days to get home, or did you start your pleading well before she was supposed to come home? Also, we unfortunately cannot choose teachers in our high school. The kids get who they get.
This works in college, but teacher names (even periods for a class) or not given to students until the last possible moment at our high school and kids are not allowed to change just because they don’t like the teacher. (If I had to guess, I would assume that’s pretty standard — that would be interesting to know.)
@ClaremontMom, our kids also don’t find out until very late August who they have. There are no changes permitted unless they’re dropping down from an honors class to a regular one. You can’t switch just because you don’t like a teacher.
Does your son have an advisor? They can often provide a useful “buffer” between a family having an issue with a teacher. Obviously it would be to your benefit if the other family was also willing to voice their concerns. The complaint has more weight if it is coming from more than one family.
Even this, while not impossible, is not done lightly. The students sign a form that says they understand they cannot drop out of AP classes. This is to prevent kids from simply deciding “it’s too hard” — and to prevent the class from getting too small. Most AP classes are full, but there are some (due to subject, period offered, or as an additional section) that are borderline capacity and would not be offered if there were not enough interest.
When D1 was in 11th grade, she told me that her history teacher was dismissive of her views in class. She felt when boys spoke, the teacher was more attentive and encouraging. She was discouraged of participating in the class discussion because of the teacher’s attitude.
I emailed the teacher to let him know I wanted to have a chat with him. The funny thing was he asked D1 a few times when I wanted to see him, and D1 said it was best to hear from me. By the time I met with him, he was already anticipating the worst. I just calmly told him how D1 felt in his class. I said it probably wasn’t his intention to make D1 feel like that, but perception was her reality and I would appreciate it if there was anything he could do to make her feel better about speaking up in class. The teacher was very receptive of my feedback.
I second the advice about having your son go in every week for extra help. He may not want to because of her disposition, but I think it’s about the only thing that will help improve his grade. He will learn what she expects, and yes, she will take some ownership. If he is extremely respectful and follows her advice, she make take a liking to him. You never know.
I learned early on in my kids’ elementary years that parents bringing up problems with teachers never achieves a positive result. The teacher will feel judged and will never look at your kid the same way. Going to the principal as an individual parent will not help either, as most principals see their professional duty to be honest with the teacher (no anonymity) and often will side with the teacher. After all, you child will be gone, and the teacher and principal have to work together for years.
My daughter complained to the administer as a senior in high school about a teacher that she felt was really not teaching at all. She had specific issues, and I think they were valid. The administrator told her to take her issues to the teacher, herself. ;-/ So, yes, the expectation is that the kids should handle it.
One thing that does have some effect may be having several parents who agree with you write letters to the principal explaining what the problem is. In serious incidents (our middle school had a bully for a PE teacher) action will be taken with enough parent protest. But it has to be pretty big and documented, and it make take years. Just “a feeling” doesn’t cut it. And favoritism is very hard to prove. The teacher will have hard data- grades and scores- to justify her grades. I’m sure there are a couple of boys she likes that get good scores, and they will boost her case. It’s a no-win situation.
I think every kid that goes through school, public or private, comes up against unfair practices at some point. It’s a powerful skill to figure out a way to deal with it most constructively, as this will happen again and again in life.
It’s funny but I don’t really see it as the responsibility of the teacher to provide extra help on a regular basis. I think if your child is really struggling and needs additional help on a weekly basis that it is best to seek some outside support in the form of tutoring. If just a handful of students needed extra help on a regular basis that would impose quite a burden on a teacher.
Hmm. I don’t think it’s asking too much to give a struggling student 10 extra minutes a week. Even just, “Can you gvie me some advice on what I could do to improve my essays?” would open the door for something that would be helpful, and would put the student in the “he’s trying” box. Every week may not be necessary, as once the student understands what’s needed, they can work on that on their own.
I think if a teacher sees a lot of students coming in for extra help, she may realize that her teaching strategies may need some improvement.
Having taught school eons ago, sometimes I thought a specific concept was clear, but by the questions and reactions of the students, it became apparent that it was not. That is helpful feedback and helped me improve.
@harvestmoon1 you are right in many ways. The other side, though, is if enough kids are struggling and needing that kind of help, then the teacher needs to know. The teacher can then evaluate and ask them self why these kids are struggling and possibly adjust teaching style in a way that more kids get it during class time.
Have you reviewed your son’s graded work? After having done that, you might be in a better position to decide whether it is more productive, at this point, to throw some money at the problem and hire a tutor instead of fighting for a teacher assignment (especially if that is not an option) or, eventually, addressing matters to the administration.
High school is a long haul and sometimes one prefers to solve the problem from a different direction if that is an option. It also helps not to escalate and antagonize teachers, particularly if your child may experience repercussions. Sometimes, your student will just get a poor teacher and you’ll have to help him get through it. Whenever my D expressed a problem with a teacher while attending her large HS, I followed her decision for me not to get involved in emailing the teacher even when I was inclined to disagree. She had to live in the classroom with the teacher the rest of the year.
There may still be some problems that are better addressed directly with the teacher in future classes but, if it’s likely that your child may benefit from some extra tutelage, that is a route to consider. You’d be in a better position to judge that after looking at his work.
We have the same issue here with a particular teacher. Kids who get that teacher for honors often drop down to regular to avoid him. If a kid is recommended for honors, they can drop down. If they choose to over-ride and take honors without recommendation, they have to stay in for the first marking period and accept that grade.
This is a difficult problem with no easy answers. Our HS PTO asked the administration to explain why some sections of the same class got mostly As and high Bs, while another would be mostly Cs. Conversely, there is one honors teacher who gives out good grades, but teachers very little. When the kids get to the AP class, they are way behind. The administration did not want to tackle the issue and kept putting the PTO off. The class profile that is given to the colleges simply shows what percentage of kids get As, Bs, etc. but by course, not by teacher. A kid that gets a B in the hard teacher class may be a much better student than the one that got a B in the easy class, but both are looked at the same way.
Not sure there is anything you can do about this. There is no way to prove (and may not even be true) that there is gender bias. I agree that your son needs to reach out to the teacher for extra help, but with a freshman (and probably too late now) as a parent I would have emailed the teacher and asked where he was missing the mark. With one of my kids it was that the answers were not detailed enough. By the middle or end of sophomore year, however, I would be more reluctant to reach out to a teacher.
Thanks again to those of you who chimed in to reassure me after I accidentally messed up my son’s chance to take the Bio subject test this past weekend (the test that his 9th grade honors bio class has been prepping for ALL YEAR…but I digress).