<p>Having been born in an artist commune to true early hippies, having been raised by hippies who later left the commune and moved on to more real world concerns and having raised two of my own daughters after doing major work in gender studies and semiotics, I can say with full confidence that it is possible to raise aware, responsible, free and self-respecting, unrepressed young ladies, even in a culture of shame.</p>
<p>the main thing is self-respect and understanding choices. Seeing through gender roles and seeing through stereotypes while still being able to acknowledge the truth of some of these for each individual. I have two daughters who are so incredibly different I can’t even figure out how it is genetically possible. However, they were raised to follow thier passions and interests, regardless of my own.</p>
<p>One has always loved boys/men, as freinds, relationships, whatever, and is very much loved in return. The other seems to be more of an artemis type who is very competitive with the boys around her. Certain of these boys seem to think the world of her. In either case, they have frightened some boys, befriended others, and fallen for a few in a more amorous way.</p>
<p>I have no concern whatsoever that either one of them would ever betray themselves by becoming something other than they are in order to attract the opposite sex. I think, mainly, that is the more concerning element, and the danger when young girls feel they have to sexualize themselves to be loved, in ways which are not authentic to who they naturally are. </p>
<p>So, empowerment is the main thing, I suppose.</p>
<ol>
<li>read the article</li>
<li>there are social pressures for boys to be “cool” and doing well in school isn’t it</li>
<li>military</li>
<li>jail</li>
<li>etc etc.
also, the sex ratio is not 1:1. in fact the y chromosome is getting selected against slowly…it’s kind of interesting</li>
</ol>
<p>I spoke to S (college Jr.) and D (college Fr.) about this thread.
His rather unscientific conclusion: There were more drugs, more sex and less alcohol when H and I went to school. His school stats–> 60:40::F:M. Just one young man’s observations.
D’s school is 50:50. D observes a lot of drinking, tons of pot smoking and a toss-up between couple formation and general making-out at parties. One night hooking-ups happen but is not readily reported.
H and I have tried to raise them as poetgrl so beautifully stated aware, responsible, free and self-respecting and unrepressed and authentic to themselves.</p>
<p>I spent some time, just last week, with a 28 year old “Samantha/temple prostitute,” the daughter of very close friends. She would be fine if a long term relationship happened but definitely sees sex as an experience to enjoy in and of itself. I have plenty of good, close friends who satisfy my emotional needs. I am very busy and enjoying my work. I just need to find someone to have sex with! She is attracted to women and men, but at the moment is living in a new city where there seem to be more male prospects. But she is a little distressed by some of their attitudes and the ways <em>some</em> men, who themselves are interested in casual sex, try to shame her for being desirous of the same experience. She doesn’t find that to be the case with women partners. She doesn’t allow anyone to shame her, but was looking for a bit of moral support and advice from a much older woman (besides her mom lol). She had recently had an encounter which she wanted to discuss. Now I wish mythmom had been there to give her advice My young friend is very careful and just went back on birth control pills, which she uses in addition to condoms, now that she is intimate with men again. She does not plan to ever have children and I can’t imagine her changing her mind. </p>
<p>I think the STD/fertility issue should be taught, in great detail, in middle school sex ed classes.</p>
<p>Hmm, I would not like my D to have a life like Piaf, fame or no. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>If this is what it takes to have such daughters then it’s no wonder that there are still articles like the original post.</p>
<p>I’m much too practical and my eyes are too wide open to believe we’re anywhere near a sexual utopia for women. It’s wonderful to hear about all these accomplished, well adjusted young women. I know quite a few myself, and most are having trouble finding a partner. They’re not exactly losing sleep over it, which may be what distinguishes them from prior generations, or it may be because they’re still young. I don’t think this necessarily means anything about this generation of men either.</p>
<p>I’m curious – at which point do college males turn into adult men? I’m sure it has to happen somewhere, but even most of the male (and female, to be fair) college seniors I know are abrasive, immature, and seem to lack the capacity for wisdom/foresight all together. Will women have to wait for grad school before we see a change?</p>
<p>^I’m curious too – at which point do college girls turn into adult women? I’m sure it has to happen somewhere, but even most of the female (and male, to be fair) college seniors I know are abrasive, immature, and seem to lack the capacity for wisdom/foresight all together. Will guys have to wait for grad school before we see a change?</p>
<p>I know quite a few high school seniors, of both sexes, and none of them are anything like that–they’re a remarkably pleasant, mature, level-headed group. Will they deteriorate in college, or am I only seeing their good side, or do I just know a really great bunch of kids?</p>
<p>My 85 year old mother is still very immature. I am not sure age is the salient detail here.</p>
<p>For me, the essence of being human is the ability to sacrifice oneself for others when appropriate. Some are born knowing how to do this, whereas some die not knowing how to do this.</p>
<p>The trick is to give of ourselves as best we can and not resent it too much when others don’t.</p>
<p>It’s a tall order. Sometimes I think I’ve mastered it; other times I know I haven’t.</p>
<p>Best is to worry about one’s own growth and not others’.</p>
<p>I think women (and I’m one) define themselves too much by “what guy likes them” at an early age, even before college. I was in high school last year and the girls would get all “prettied up” to go to school (no gender imbalance in our school) and whisper about who likes who…and the boys wore whatever they wanted and liked to shoot hoops after school. The girls were much more concerned with having a boyfriend than vice versa.</p>
<p>Look at movies…“chick flicks” are usually romances. Men like them, but would probably rather see a good thriller.</p>
<p>I don’t think many people these dyas get married in college or right after. The women have a perfectly good chance to find a husband later. And I think if more women are going to college, then more women will likely be breadwinners and they can do choose mates who may not have as high powered jobs as they do.</p>
<p>I think the bigger questions are: How do we help more men get the education they need to go to college? Why don’t women -especially since there are more in college - tend to shy away from engineering, math and the hard sciences…especially since those areas are more likely to bring in big incomes than art history?</p>
<p>I definitely agree with you, it’s best when the boy and the girl are on the same page. It’s just that I’m not sure boys know there is a page, or recognize there is a page, or read the page corrrectly?</p>
<p>S3 had a several-months relationship with a girl junior-senior year. He eventually broke up with her, and while he tried to be a gentleman about it (letting everyone think she broke up with him) it was very ugly. Lots of drama. He was always in trouble with her for doing everything “wrong.”</p>
<p>He absolutely hates drama and that was one of the major reasons he wanted out of the relationship. As he put it “Lately I always feel like I don’t have a copy of her script. I feel like I am supposed to be reading lines in her script but I don’t know what they are–I don’t even know if I don’t have a copy of the script or if I’m just reading it all wrong.”</p>
<p>It was just all way beyond him. I felt that he showed dawning maturity by realizing that she had certain expectations…but he hadn’t a clue of what they were! And they seemed to be different every night.</p>
<p>My point being that a lot of guys might not realize that they and the girl are not on the same page at all…that they are reading the exact same situation totally differently, and that from each of their perspectives, they are each right.</p>
<p>I’m not sure how a boy is supposed to interpret a girl he has just met sitting on his lap at a party or a bar, flirting and laughing with him? I asked him who a girl was in a facebook picture…and, I swear, he said he had just met her and wasn’t sure of her name! (she eas either Alison or Megan…he wasn’t sure which). She and her friends knew one of his friends and joined them at a table…and that was it!</p>
<p>S thought she was nice, and fun…</p>
<p>But he is afraid that if he asks his friend to make sure of her name, and it gets back to her…well, would that raise any false expectations?</p>
My young friend is very careful and just went back on birth control pills, which she uses in addition to condoms, now that she is intimate with men again. She does not plan to ever have children and I can’t imagine her changing her mind. </p>