One family's BS search and application process — start to finish (and then some)

<p>That pretty much nails it - thanks!</p>

<p>Just to keep the thread going, because I think it’s a good one - </p>

<p>The issue here is unbalanced skills, not lack of skills :-). While there are people who are strong on both sides (humanities and science-math), I know a lot of smart people who aren’t. I had a huge argument with the head of our middle school, who seemed to think that one’s strength in math determined one’s strength in humanities, and, in my humble opinion, sabotaged the mental stability of several grades’ worth of kids by essentially telling the “strong in humanities, weak in math” kids that they didn’t measure up. Sorry, I"m ranting - back to the question. </p>

<p>The thing we had to figure out with the schools was - are we looking at an inability to do the work or an inability to take the test. Her math teacher and I both came to the conclusion that she was doing much better in class than on the tests. And the AOs at the 3 schools I mentioned seemed pretty open to the idea as well. </p>

<p>I was not surprised that Culver and NMH would be open. What did pleasantly surprise me was that Exeter didn’t write her off. Now, they could have been blowing some sunshine up the skirts - 2 generations of family got pretty good grades there, and have been, if small, consistent donors - but I really felt that the reaction was genuine - to paraphrase, it was “look, I’ve just spent half an hour talking to her, and she really seems like she can hold her own in a discussion…obviously the committee is going to ask about that math score…but I wonder if what she really needs is a couple of good years of Harkness math…”. </p>

<p>As it turned out, she was accepted at Culver (rolling admissions) in early Feb, so we pulled back the rest of the applications; thus we will never know what the end result would have been. But I did get the feel that they were acknowledging that some pretty smart kids will have some pretty unbalanced academic profiles, and that there was indeed a place for them. </p>

<p>One AO described a situation to me in which a boy had an IEP (Individual Educational Plan) which included extra time and extra support, but they also had gotten the impression that the boy was going to knock himself out to try to not call upon the “extras” if he could manage it. So perhaps there is also a feeling out there that the “unbalanced” academics can demonstrate some great work habits to their fellow students. And perhaps there is a plus to having some really hard workers in the mix of students. As I think I have mentioned in the past, having the example of a hard worker has been a huge help as we reformed the not-so-hard worker last year. </p>

<p>As far as what support she’s getting now - I think I mentioned that she seems to be getting some good results from going to “extra help” sessions that are offered to all students. A couple of teachers have quietly offered pep talks to deal with the (inevitable, I guess) shaky confidence moments. And getting the chance to dig into the subjects in depth, at the more measured pace that the block system allows, seems to be working. Physics was supposed to be horrendous, according to her phone calls in February, but somehow or other she was solid and moving ahead pretty strongly by the end of the year. </p>

<p>I am going to get the ball rolling to see if she qualifies for extra time on the SAT, however. There is something to be said for taking chances, but, as a teacher friend of mine said “everyone else is doing it, how come your kid has to do it the hard way?”. </p>

<p>I think every school is different in how they view their job. Some of them tend more toward a mono-culture - everyone is above average in everything. Some of them tend more toward diversity - world class writers who are working a grade lower in math, world class mathematicians who need help in synthesizing the evidence that proves their point in history. Takes all kinds.</p>

<p>Bumping this for new parents/students, and crossposting a recent update from the “First time BS families” thread:</p>

<p>Dropped off SevenDaughter in Delaware yesterday (9/4/11). </p>

<p>I thought St. Andrew’s had a great process in terms of making new families/students feel welcome. The small size of the student body helps make the day less intimidating than it could have been…no traffic jams anywhere and no frustrations (as far as I could see/hear/sense) despite it being a hot and muggy day.</p>

<p>We had been without power for a week (just got it back on Sat), so our packing was a bit scrambled. Forgot to bring her pillows (nominees for parents of the year!)…but nothing that a trip to Kohl’s couldn’t fix. Also picked up a fan despite D’s protests that she didn’t need one. Because we postponed this shopping trip until after all the planned activities were over, we were one of the last families on campus…but D was already involved with the “break the ice” activities scheduled, so there was no teary goodbye.</p>

<p>It was fun to reconnect with some parents and students from our revisit day, and meet adcoms and new advisors. Daughter’s roommate and roommate’s parents were very nice. Oh, and I finally got to meet fellow SAS parent/CC forum member ops!</p>

<p>Headmaster Tad Roach’s words of welcome were just as reassuring as his addresses on the revisit day, making SAS’s mission and points of differentiation clear. He also took the time to introduce each faculty member present, which was a nice touch.</p>

<p>Here’s an observation about the day from my wife: D seems to have several layers of advisors/mentors in place…from her dorm parents, seniors on dorm, sophomores from her advisory who stopped by (and provided snacks!), plus her “big sister” (a senior) and faculty advisor.</p>

<p>Another thing that I am personally happy about…the relative proximity of the school. 2.5 hours on the road beats 7…especially after carrying a heavy trunk halfway to her room before being rescued by students. And even then, I fell asleep right after dinner last night.</p>

<p>SevenDaughter is off to a flying start! Good job SevenParents!! And thanks for the update. :o)</p>

<p>Bumping for any new parents…(also, don’t forget to use the search tool for specific topics/schools in which you may be interested)</p>

<p>@SevenDad,</p>

<p>Now that SevenDaughter has been at BS for over a month, was the odyssey of getting her in there worth the ordeal?</p>

<p>@GMTplus7: For our family, I would say that yes…all the work of the past year — as well as the ache of not having my firstborn around 24/7 four years before the usual college window — has all been worth it. While I’m sure SevenDaughter would have been fine staying at home and going to the high school of her middle school, I think she’s probably happier and made friends more quickly in the residential setting. </p>

<p>We were just down at SAS for Parents Weekend and SevenDaughter seemed to be very engaged, happy, and challenged. The transition for kids who have never boarded before is not always easy, but my sense (and advisor/teacher reports confirm this) is that she’s in the right place and doing well academically as well as socially. We chose SAS partly because we felt it would be a more forgiving/welcoming environment for a kid who is quirky and sometimes downright nerdy. And that gut impression of “fit” appears to be materializing.</p>

<p>I can’t overstate how much I think the relatively small size of SAS contributes to our level of comfort with the 'in loco parentis" nature of boarding school.</p>

<p>We many cold (literally) months ahead of us, but so far, so good. That’s not to say that SAS or even BS would be right for every family or child…</p>

<p>I have a few questions about the admissions process. Did all the schools your daughter applied to use the same common recommendation and school report forms? I really don’t want to have to ask my teachers and head of school to fill out multiple forms.</p>

<p>@helloel: St. Paul’s (Gateway portal) and Choate (GoChoate site) have dedicated applications. St. Andrew’s says they accept common apps/forms, but my daughter used the dedicated forms and prompts. For the SAS app, she did include a supplemental recco form (a relatively unbranded form we found on the Hotchkiss - IIRC - site) to allow inclusion of a non-Math/English teacher recco…I think both SPS and Choate provided their own optional form for this use. </p>

<p>So, in our case, she did ask teachers to fill out separate forms for all three schools. Note that the forms are very similar, so there should be some efficiencies after a teacher completes the first form.</p>

<p>Maybe not the answer you were looking for, but there it is. In our case, with just 3 schools to apply to, it wasn’t an overwhelming (for teachers, head of school, or our family) amount of paperwork. So you can either keep your list focused or choose schools that accept one of the common apps.</p>

<p>Best of luck. Would not be a bad time to tell your teachers and head of school that you will be giving them recommendation forms soon…</p>

<p>great job mister, with being on top of everything during your daughters application process, but like most people would say, you did most of her work
i know she was still in middle school, but that doesn’t matter. i come from an immigrant family. my dads too busy with work, and my moms that that hot with english… so i had to do the whole application process last year from top to bottom, with me scheduling the interviews, me setting up the test dates, and just me doing everything
i mean u fulfilled your duty as a father way back in the application process, introducing the idea of boarding school, because thats what my mom did. your daughter shouldve taken it from there
i currently attend deerfield academy</p>

<p>@hockeylaxer - you’re new here and that was kind of unfair. @SevenDad has been one of the most level-headed people on CC.</p>

<p>I’m usually the person who admonishes parents to step back and let their children have more control - but I only do that when I sense the parents are over-reaching, or when I get the impression that boarding school is their “dream” and not the students. Every family is different and so the level of involvement needed is different.</p>

<p>Sorry that you had to get stuck doing all the work, but frankly, I did when I was that age, and my D initiated both the conversation about attending BS and all the work, scheduling associated with the process. It’s a good growth process and will serve you well in the future. However, SevenDad is certainly not a polar opposite. He’s been pretty honest on these boards about the approach and strategies his family took. I found his approach balanced and with plenty of room for his daughter to steer the ship.</p>

<p>Not fitting of a Deerfield student to throw criticisms at an adult just because it contrasts with your having done all the work yourself. Why not just be proud of your accomplishments and concede that SevenDad and SevenDaughter seem to be happy and thriving as well?</p>

<p>As per hockeylaxer’s previous posts, he was waitlisted at Deerfield and NMH for 10th grade last year. So I don’t think he is a Deerfield student. He also posted that he is going to reapply this year for 11th grade. Applying for 10th grade last year, obviously he is more mature to drive his own process.</p>

<p>Bumping for 2013 applicants…</p>

<p>Thank you for this! I was searching for interview advice and stumbled on this thread. We live in the Midwest and will be on a family vacation in NE this summer, but I think we will plan interviews for the fall when the focus will be on school apps and not a distraction from vacation.</p>

<p>@Atyraulove: If you do have time on your NE vacation this summer, I’d still visit the schools on your current short list. That way you can plan your Fall trip with a little more “recon” data (perhaps location will help you cross some off or a stunning campus might push another school higher up the list). Of course, only if you have the time and doing so will not cut into true vacation time too much. Best of luck!</p>

<p>Dear all,</p>

<p>I had never thought about sending my kids to private school if my friend didn’t talk about with me last year.
My son is in a very good public school with high competation, he has no desire to go to private school because he knows it is hard for our family, plus my husband never think about it. My son took a SSAT test with my suggestion, turned out he got the good scores today:
Verbal Score 734
(Personal Score Range: 713 - 755, SSAT Percentile 86%)</p>

<p>Math Score 800
(Personal Score Range: 779 - 800, SSAT Percentile 99%)</p>

<p>Reading Score 761
(Personal Score Range: 740 - 782, SSAT Percentile 99%)</p>

<p>Total Score 2295
(Personal Score Range: NA, SSAT Percentile 98%)</p>

<p>not sure if he can be accepted by Andsor and L’ville, the thing is both my son and husband are not enthusiastic, I know my son has no idea because of his age, my husband is worry about money, at this stage, should I push them?
From what kind of point of views?
Appreciate your feed back. thanks a lot.</p>

<p>@ruiruiMom: I don’t think anyone can really answer that question for you. I will say that I think it is optimal if all parties (both parents as well as the child) share at least similar POVs.</p>

<p>If you have acceptable local/day school options and it’s going to be a “hard sell” to your spouse and child, my advice would be to spare yourselves adding the complications (pick up/drop off/travel & break schedules) and expense of BS to your lives.</p>

<p>While we have been very pleased with our family’s experience with BS so far, I do know that A) it’s not for everyone; and B) there are trade offs.</p>

<p>Keep in mind high SSAT scores are a given for all the competitive schools. It is not a ticket in. As someone wiser told me, “it opens the door, but it doesn’t get you thru it.”</p>

<p>This weekend at a graduation party, I was talking to a mom whose kid had similar stats as those cited above on SSAT. Her Asian daughter (I only mention this because Asians are competing with Asians for their 15 - 17% of the class, and Asian girls are the demographic which have to have the best credentials for both prep schools and colleges) ended up on 10 WL’s. She was shocked, because based on her GPA, scores and interests, she thought she was a shoe in.</p>

<p>Lessons learned: Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched. From our 3 year experience with CHADES BS apps, IMHO, you should put more stock in highlighting hooks, geographic diversity and legacy.</p>

<p>I was about start a whole new thread with ruiruMom’s query. I agree whole heartily with 7D & rbgg, especially in respect to having both parents and student really wanting to take the plunge in the BS journey. I’ll admit, I’m all pomp and cheer for BS but if my rising 8th grader doesn’t have the strong desire to go, then she doesn’t go. She has to want it and her Mom has to be all for it too. Maybe we’ll wait a year. I’ll admit I’m guilty of double standard but I don’t need to coax her as she is fully aware of the opportunity with having two brothers already go to BS. She has to want it, then earn it.</p>

<p>It is becoming easier to discern whether a child wants to go to a specific boarding school or college - or whether the student has been pushed to apply by a counselor or parent. </p>

<p>If your student is not keen on the idea, go on a campus tour and talk to an Adcom and student guide. If your son still doesn’t want to go - then I’d move on.</p>

<p>ruiruimom - I would not have pushed for my firstborn to consider boarding schools had he been thriving socially and academically in our local private school. I differ from many of the parents on this site for that reason; their kids were superachievers, mine was an underachiever whom I believed would not grow unless transplanted. A highly-motivated, disciplined student will excel almost anywhere.My younger son was a much better student, but he decided that he also wanted to go away, having seen how his brother benefited from it. I couldn’t say “no” to him after nudging his brother so strongly. If your son is thriving where he is, and your financial resources are finite, I’d say don’t fix what isn’t broken. At most, see if you could persuade your husband and son to incorporate some school visits into a family road trip. If they like what they see, it might turn them around. My older son’s reluctance faded when he saw how different the environments were at some private schools than at his public school. Paradoxically, most boarding schools were much more diverse than our own suburban school system.</p>