Opinions please!

<p>Hello. I'm working on my U of M supplement essays and I was hoping you could proofread and give feedback on my response to
"Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests?"</p>

<pre><code>I have always been known as the “technology expert” in my family. Even as a child, I remember fiddling around on my family’s Windows 98 computer. I’d browse the settings to see what I could personalize, optimize, and explore, then, inevitably, get in trouble for my curiosity. This attraction to electronic devices has followed me throughout my life. Another event has distinguished itself in my mind is, back in tenth grade, browsing the internet and stumbling upon a tutorial for coding an RSS reader in C. Eager to try myself in programming, I downloaded Microsoft Visual Studios. Not only did I learn some basic coding skills, but this also helped teach me a lesson in humility, as I was a complete novice.

These events have helped mold both me and my aspirations. I am sure that this is the point where people will begin to write about how they’d love to get accepted in such a prestigious school, but this is not necessarily the reason that I’m applying to the University of Michigan. It’s not just the title that draws me to this school (although it does hold its weight). It’s all the different aspects that appeal to me: the renowned professors, the atmosphere, the various resources, the opportunities, and the challenge. After all, it’s not just the name that breeds success. I’m sure that it wasn’t just the name on the diploma that founded Google, created the iPod, was the first to walk in space, and crewed Apollo 15 on the first ever rover expedition. No, these successes were a product of the exceptional education that the alumni had received. Now, let me take this moment to stress and clarify my point. I’m not badgering on the name; I’m saying it’s not solely the name that causes the school to be prestigious; it’s the outstanding learning environment that breeds the prestige in the name University of Michigan. This is why U of M is my first choice. This is why I hope to study computer science at this very school. Given the opportunity, I strongly feel as if I can advance the Information Age and the digital revolution, contribute to society, and perform a deed to humanity.
</code></pre>

<p>I would probably mention the School of Engineering and not just UMich. It asks about the specific college you are applying to at Michigan, not just Umich itself.</p>

<p>Okay, thanks! You didn’t think it was weak or the second paragraph too pretentious?</p>