Optimal distance.

DD is also 2000 miles away on the west coast and it is the optimal distance for our family. She is very independent and would not be happy if were close enough to visit often. Going “away” was part of why she chose Cate. She was thriving at our local day school but wanted a different experience. TBH, as much as we miss her, I think her transition and immersion in the BS community would not have been as easy if we were at the school frequently or she was coming home on weekends. Also, as @ThacherParent said, trips to SoCal are a mini vacation for us!

Our kids are 40 minutes from an airport that takes us less than an hour to reach. We like the distance and enjoy the ease in getting up there. We are fortunate to have non-stops from each of our three local airports with Southwest from BWI making the fares as low as $45 if purchased in advance.

We have a lot of flexibility in our work schedules so we have been able to go to games and other events on campus. I really think this is more than we make it. Although the school’s Admissions Director told us most families want a school within 2.5 hours of their home.

Wow, it is interesting to see people have different ideas and preferences about the distance.
We were 1.5 hour drive away from my son’s SoCal BS and perfectly happy with that.
Now we are relocated and 6,000 miles away from him. Thanks, Skype and iMessaging.

This is an interesting discussion.

In my sample-set of NYC parents (completely un-scientific ;-)), there are definitely some who are adamant about not looking at schools that are more than a 2-hour drive. For the most part, these are parents of athletes who like to go to games and/or parents with weekend homes nearby. I have a couple of friends with kids at “far away” schools (Exeter & SPS) and they see their kids as often as I do (my daughter is at Cate). It’s too long a drive for a game & dinner, and quite often, especially once you’re past freshman year, even the dinner part isn’t a guarantee. There is so much going on with clubs, events etc. that often there isn’t a lot of time for a meaningful visit.

The distance-from-home consideration also impacts the culture and population of these schools. I was struck by the number of local students at Milton for example. Not only was half of the school day students, but we met quite a few boarders who lived less than a hour away. I get it: I wouldn’t want to be commuting that far on a daily basis, but as wonderful as Milton is, this was a turn-off for my daughter. The point (or one of them) of boarding school for her was to meet a diverse group of kids - all different types from all different places. Coming from NYC, some schools felt too “local” to her, with too many kids coming from the city and it’s suburbs (or in the case of Milton, from Massachusetts).

That said, there were a couple of times during her freshman year when I wish that I had been a quick drive away. Homesickness and an injury would have had me in the car in a heartbeat, but not on a plane. Now that my daughter is older and feeling settled, she isn’t asking me to visit beyond the usual parent events. Cate (and probably Thacher as well?) really doesn’t have a significant “local boarder” population. Sure there are some kids from LA, but not a lot. San Francisco/Northern Cal might as well be out of state, it’s so far away. So, the vast majority of the boarding students aren’t seeing their parents every week and aren’t going home on weekends all that frequently.

So, I understand wanting to be close by, I really do, but I don’t think that there is an “optimal” distance which works for everyone. Don’t forget that there are so many kids who live overseas, or on the other side of the country, who are doing well and thriving without those parental visits. It all really depends on what your child is like and what works for your family.

We live in NH and and it take 4.5 hrs to set foot on Episcopal High School’s (Alexandria, VA) campus. Drive to Logan, fly, land at Reagan, pick up rental car, and then 15 minute drive to “The Holy Hill.” Lot’s of flying options. If DD or DS attended some of the NE boarding schools, especially in CT, the commuting time by car would be slightly less. DD applied So Cal BS, but was denied. While we absolutely love the So Cal BS’s, we are very happy DD/DS are in the same time zone, much less the same school.

Do you feel that it was ultimately about the school not proximity for you?

^ Absolutely. The moment we visited EHS with DS (class 2017), we knew it was the right community/environment. DD (2019) came to that conclusion after visiting 8 schools. In terms of location, it is not proximity to NH, but proximity to D.C. that is the main attraction.

I have one at a school that is a about a 6 hour drive away. No local boarders, so the weekends are packed. If we here 1/2 hour away, I still wouldn’t see the kid because no one leaves on weekends (by choice). Other kid is at a school about 15 minutes away with a large local boarder population and large day student population (sounds a lot like how GMC described Milton). If we were 6 hours away, it would be challenging because kid would want/need to come home every weekend b/c the campus is deserted.

Optimal distance is near enough for a badass ninja parent like @PhotographerMom to drive like a bat outta hell to read DS the riot act.

http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/discussion/comment/18589114#Comment_18589114

I’m still afraid of PhotoMom.

I secretly wish that one of my kids would be super rude to me on the phone so that I could do exactly what PhotoMom did.

Agreed, it would only take me $$$ and 8 hours to show up at his door but priceless to have the memory.

My DD had an eye-opening experience yesterday. An eternal line of limos around Mem Circle at Choate to pick up kids for the airport. She told me she has never seen so many limos at once! For these parents, an optimal distance includes an airplane ride. Still think max 2 hours would be my recommendation.