We are developing our list of schools. I would like to hear from parents who have opinions about the merits of being relatively close. We are in the NE so our schools are as close as 30 m from our home up to 5 hours. In my heart I would like to stick to a distance easily done as a one day round trip.
An easy one day round trip would put you at no more than 2 hours. Winter is coming, my friend, and you know what that means. My two college kids are within an hour and a half (in different directions!) and it has been a godsend. We have had ER trips, etc. and would not have been able to do it if it were farther away. Good luck!
Our criteria called for a school that was no more than a 90 minute drive from home. It actually takes me an hour and fifteen minutes to get to my kid’s school. It is perfect because while it feels ‘not too close to home’ to her, it enables me to see her performances and games often, as well as take her to Sunday brunch occasionally! We did look at a school about 40 minutes from home, but she felt the territory was too familiar – wanted a change of scenery.
600 miles is optimal. I’m only sort of kidding. While it has been hard for me, I think the fact that I CAN’T go running to him at every problem has helped us all immensely. Plus, he actually is looking forward to seeing us for Thanksgiving! 
Sigh. One more thread making me regret that we didn’t know there were great boarding schools in CA. Choate was too far. We missed some things. Kiddo didn’t.
I love being close to home (hour-ish). It eased my anxiety while packing, because I knew that anything I forgot could be brought the next weekend. Going home for long weekends/breaks is not a hassle, and I can see my family whenever my little heart desires, yet I still get to experience being in a new place and enjoy the boarding life.
However, I wouldn’t cut a school from your list just because of distance. There are fantastic schools up and down the East Coast… and there’s Cate. Which is far from here. But I’d do it for the weather.
We have enjoyed the 1.5-2.5 hour one-way window for both of our BS kids. I highly recommend it, if possible. Especially if you want to go to attend sports events. Any more than 2.5 hours one way makes a day trip very taxing (for parents with day jobs and without chauffeurs, that is), IMO.
The only thing is that we are now very comfortable with that time/distance window (7D1 is at college within same footprint) and have a hard time envisioning 7D2 going any farther afield for college.
It will really boil down to your tolerance for being in the car. If you are looking for commuter-type distance that will enable you to get to an event and back home to sleep in your own bed, 3.5 hours is probably about the outer limit, but 2.0 hours will feel a lot easier.
For my daughter, the whole point of going to a boarding school is getting as far as she can from home and living in the world on her own. Being in Northern CA, majority of U.S. boarding schools work for the purpose. She has wanted us to pretend not even knowing her on her class or art show visits. Something about difficulty of posing as a savvy , independent and mature young lady while also acting like daddy’s sweet girl. I doubt that she will often want us on the campus sports events and such either. For personal family interaction during semester, there is always Skype.
I am overwhelmed with all of this helpful advice. This came up when I recently had coffee with a friend who has a son who is a senior at a school I love and is far from our home (and a bit of a reach for our son). We talked about that school and many others. At the end of the conversation, despite how much she likes the school he chose, she said she wished she had been closer. On the other hand, I met with an admissions officer of a school that I really like and is far and he convinced me that we shouldn’t worry as families are unlikely to make this drive more than 4 times per year. . so how much should we let 3 hours extra driving X 4 visits really affect a 4 year (life) decision?
Like everything else, it is a personal decision. However, the BS decision has been predominantly mine not my husband and I know his tolerance for being in the car (and traveling) is low. Also-for him with kids (I know because I have my daughter in college) out of sight is out of mind. He is not a texter, etc. and therefore fears he will really lose contact with our son.
What I am hearing from all of these replies is that 2 hours each way is reasonable for a day trip and I agree. Wake up early, drive 2 hours, watch a game or eat lunch and drive home. Or-take DS and a friend out to dinner. . or to the house for a one night sleepover (on an open weekend). We have 4-5 schools that would qualify for this under 2 hour one way trip in our list and they vary in their degree of selectivity. As BS is the goal, we have to apply to a few others of course. The only part of this problem I am unhappy with is that it is putting me in the mindset of having a “dream school” which I know is a mistake. The said “dream school” is a school I love that is also 50 minutes from our home. . .
As you note, you should not have a “dream school.” However, even more important, IMO, is that your son loves the school. 
3000 miles to SoCal is perfect. Every parent visit is a mini-vacation, snow injuries are basically non-existent, child develops enormous independence and is improved by exposure to a different part of the country, Facetime works great, vacations home are so exciting…the list goes on!
Three hours from home is the traditional radius.
We are about an hour from DS school (except during rush hour when it can take 2+!). and it is great for us. Close enough to go to most things, but not too close. And easy to schedule drop offs/pick ups with flexibility. We were talking to friends at parents weekend and they feel 3 hours is tough sometimes. One parent will drive up 3 hours, drop off kid and drive 3 hours home. It depends what you are comfortable with, but 2 hours is certainly very doable.
I guess it’s very much an individual preference. Since my kiddos were never exceptional in sports, they didn’t care if we could attend the games they played. Still, we drew a line on whether we needed to fly or we could drive over in half a day to visit. It worked out fine as both parents were still not too old to do a lot of driving. We actually made many one day trips to a school 5+ hours away from home because they only had time for lunch and sometimes a bit of shopping afterwards. And, driving up to NE in spring and fall was such a pleasant experience.
I like this set of responses because overall it reminds us all that many different options can be made to work. It does seem that 2 hours is a common answer and consistent with my own experience. Thank you panpacific for the point made about how our students don’t want or need an entire day of our attention–a face:face encounter over a meal and an errand may be all that is desired. .
Chiming in late to agree that 2 hours (exactly) works for us. We can go up for his games and for events, but it’s also juuuust far enough that it is kind of a haul, and thus I am not tempted to go up and see “my baby” every weekend. It is close enough, though, that I can leave at 10am, catch a soccer game, take him on a Chipotle run and be home by 6pm. (Of course, DC Beltway traffic is a crap shoot and even a routine sunday drive can turn into a multi-hour ordeal)
we agreed that we would not look at a school that was more than 3 hours from home. Our daughter ended up at a school that is 1 1/2 hr from home and it’s been great
There are not as many BS choices in other parts of the country. That’s why many families from west coast send their kids to an NE BS. If the kid is capable of handling BS life otherwise, the distance from home should be a minor concern. Sure it’s easier for parents but for kids they still need to live 24/7 in school most of the time while school is in session no matter how far it is.
All these 2 hr distance schools make me sad at 2000 miles away.
I have to be content with the fact that for a day trip, I can take a red eye at midnight, have lunch with DS, and fly back for late dinner home. Or I could leave 6am, have an afternoon tea with DS and fly back arriving home midnight.
At the open house of a 2 hr distance school for us, one parent said she’s there every weekend and racked up 50,000 miles on her SUV in a year. That was scary. We didn’t apply as it wasn’t a good fit for us. If DS were there, I would want to be there every weekend. Good thing he isn’t there.