<p>I spent 12 years attending girls schools and loved it but looking at my DD and thinking about her college career etc. I wonder.</p>
<p>From my experience, all women environments can either be the absolute best or the absolute worse. They can be unbelievable supportive allowing you the freedom, w/o subtle or overt discrimination, to explore the possibilities. Hand in hand, any bump in the road is minimized ... very powerful.</p>
<p>There are other times where it can be very destructive. I call it the "girl code". Which simply stated is ... do it our way or we turn our backs on you. </p>
<p>(Pardon the use of the "girl" vs "woman" but I use it on purpose because it feels as though it is based in the hellish time of middle school ... just a grown up version)</p>
<p>I have had both. I have been subjected to the "girl code" on multiple occasions usually from an older generation every time I headed down a path that was considered a bit risky and against their view of the world. The men would say, "go for it!" The women would say "how could you?" Yet, I can not live without my women friends ... they are my life, my anchor.</p>
<p>I think the girl code is manifested in other areas today. I think it is THE most destructive for women ... more so than standard discrimination from men which we can work around. It seems GC gets to the core of who we are. It is almost bullying.</p>
<p>How do I make sure that the GC is at a minimum on a women's campus and the women are given the freedom to follow their chosen path without bullying?</p>
<p>If you can find current students and recent alumnae of the relevant schools (especially those who <em>did</em> follow an unusual path), they are probably the best source of information.</p>
<p>I would like to point out, also, that men are not the only ones who are sexist against women. Women do it too, and I’m not even talking about people like Beverly LaHaye or Phyllis Schlafly. There are a lot of women out there who internalize society’s sexism and then turn in on their fellow women.</p>
<p>Does the administration set the tone? or does it change year to year depending on the personality of the class? Is it avoidable …or is it best to learn to become stronger by it?</p>
<p>jessiehl… THX for the suggestion … I suppose CC has its limitations. ;)</p>
<p>Yes i guess it is plain and simple sexism … what makes it so powerful is that you are not expecting it from another woman.</p>
<p>But I am also talking about women who have chosen “alternative” paths and have no tolerance for women who are less “adventurous”. It goes both ways. It is just a very closed mind set. YUK</p>
<p>If you’re looking for a way to find what you want on CC, you might try the individual boards of the women’s colleges. The individual college boards tend to have current students and recent alums as well as prefrosh and parents.</p>
<p>“I think the girl code is manifested in other areas today. I think it is THE most destructive for women … more so than standard discrimination from men which we can work around. It seems GC gets to the core of who we are. It is almost bullying.”</p>
<p>You will find exactly the opposite at most women’s colleges today. They are, for the most part, a “go for it” atmosphere. </p>
<p>I hope that The Dad or Mini will respond. They both have daughters who have just graduated from Smith…and feel very positively about the opportunities they were given and the experiences they had.</p>
<p>Smith is not a liberal arts college that happens to be all women. It is a women’s college that teaches the liberal arts. Since the presidency of Jill Ker Conway (her book on this is extraordinary - [Amazon.com:</a> A Woman’s Education: The Road from Coorain Leads to Smith College: Jill Ker Conway: Books](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Womans-Education-Coorain-Leads-College/dp/009957991X/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1217352313&sr=8-9]Amazon.com:”>http://www.amazon.com/Womans-Education-Coorain-Leads-College/dp/009957991X/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1217352313&sr=8-9)) Smith has put a heavy emphasis on the trajectory of women’s lives. It is not just preparing women to compete in male-dominated professions (though there is a lot of that), nor is it only the extraordinary mentoring offered to women AS WOMEN. There is an entire institute on “women and financial independence”. A lifelong career development center, based on the recognition that women’s careers are sometimes “jagged”. There are seminars on the courses women’s lives take, with heavy emphasis on the variety of paths taken.</p>
<p>If there was a “girl code” there when my d. was, I’m pretty sure she didn’t witness it. The paths taken by her friends and fellow graduates have been quite striking, and extraordinarily varied.</p>
<p>I am a Wellesley graduate, and I can assure you that the atmosphere there was all “go for it” thirty years ago (and before that). There was no vestige of this “girl code” of which you speak. Judging by the alumnae magazine, that has only strengthened over the years.</p>
<p>It depends what you mean by “another path,” though. Certainly I think that stating the goal of become a SAHM immediately after college and remaining so permanently would be unusual, and would meet with a certain level of skepticism and lack of understanding. But there is definitely recognition in the wider Wellesley community that women’s career paths include their roles as caretakers of loved ones of all ages, as well as volunteers.</p>
<p>The internalized sexism of which jessiehl speaks has definitely been expressed by female MIT and Harvard students and/or their parents in a thread on women’s colleges, though.</p>
<p>Mini .. thanks for the reference to the book. It is great to hear how Smith is addressing the real issues of being a woman in this society … the amazing jaggedness of our careers and the competing demands. </p>
<p>Consolation… my mother in law graduated from W and gives back whenever she can.</p>
<p>Thank you for the heads up on some of the threads on women’s colleges. Something did not seem right and I could not put my finger on it. I take it SAHM has something to do with getting married and having kids??</p>
<p>Given the thread title, I feel that I should point out that your DDs may also want to consider coed schools. I very specifically wanted 1) a mixed-gender environment in my college education, and 2) to be educated at a research university, so I ended up throwing out all the brochures from women’s colleges. Others, of course, will choose different paths.</p>
<p>THX for the advise. We are looking at both. My DD is intrigued by the women’s college idea and I think she would love it. She has a very strong personality and convictions and I would love for her to have the freedom to express them along with the open debates that are likely to follow. She is still “forming” so I am hoping for the growth and maturity to continue w/o the influence of too much self absorbed weight watching type behavior.</p>
<p>We just hope to have great options at the end of the day!</p>
<p>From our experience, our DD went to all girls high school and absolutely loved it there-she says if she has daughter’s they WILL attend there. She then went to Carnegie Mellon, which is about 60 % male and made a very easy transition. In fact, I think the strength and support from the high school experience made her better prepared to compete on the collegiate level with the guys.</p>
<p>I had a wonderful four year single sex high school experience, but was ready for something new in college. In particular, I was worried I wouldn’t make the effort it took to meet guys. There seem to be more men on or near women’s campuses than there were in my day. I think they are well worth looking at. I did end up in a traditionally male profession, though of course not all of my classmates did. :)</p>
<p>My DD would not consider an all female hs and I think the sudden onslaught of hormones etc etc in her freshman year was hard on her. She is doing well and has grown but I think the focus on her personal development might be a good thing for 4 years of college … taking out just a few distractions.</p>