<p>a situation is developing and i would appreciate your opinions.</p>
<p>We live in a tight-knit neighborhood in a large urban area...we live in old houses with big front porches and we all know each other pretty well...just want to frame that up first.</p>
<p>Our D has good stats and is looking at some pricey colleges -- Georgetown, UPenn, Uchicago, etc. - as well as our decent state universities (that will be essentially free with her stats). We're a donut-hole family...that is, too well-off to receive meaningful financial aid but not rich enough to pay for a private college. We have the kind of street where we talk about things openly...that is, "yes, she's applying and it'll be exciting if she gets in but even if she does, I don't know how we'd swing it financially"...just casual talk ...now two of our neighbors (gay men who have been together for years) say that they want to help out if she gets in....that they have the money and they love our D and would love to help. I laughed it off...but they have brought it up a couple of more times....and the really crazy part is that we have a 3rd neighbor (a woman who's a widow and does not have children) has also said that she'd like to chip in. Its all kinds of nuts...I mean, it feels a bit awkward, a bit flattering, a bit.....well, odd....I mean, I talked openly about it but now I feel awkward that people are doing this. (p.s. I love our neighbors....but this is an odd one....) </p>
<p>Well, I'll stop here and see what you all think. </p>
<p>I agree with saying no. What are you going to do-hand them the bill every year??? Talk about awkward. It’s human nature when someone is helping you out financially that they will scrutinize your purchases. Imagine going to Hawaii and how guilty you would feel about going since you are getting help with your child’s education. My best friend’s husband lent a friend some money for a house and he seems to be having a hard time making any payments. Meanwhile we see the trips he takes on facebook and you can bet her and I comment on his spending while he doesn’t make any payments to her.<br>
I don’t know where you live, but getting college for free due to her grades seems like the best deal to me. </p>
<p>Do they really have any idea how much money it would be? Most people don’t if they have not looked at college prices recently. I doubt they really are offering as much as you would need for the privates. Have you mentioned the price tag?</p>
<p>its sweet, but its likely they are not aware of the 4 year commitment and cost, and you dont want your dau to have to transfer mid stream. But wow. Nice offer</p>
<p>What do they mean by “help”? Did they actually say they would pay your kid’s tuition at Georgetown? Do they actually know how much it might be per semester? Many people, especially those without kids who have been out of college for a while, have no idea how expensive it actually is. Helping out a friend’s kid with the expenses of, say, books and sundries is a lovely thing, but it’s not going to make an essentially unaffordable college affordable.</p>
<p>I think it’s risky to rely on promises of major voluntary gifts from others, however well-intentioned they may be, to finance your child’s education. This is true even if it’s family. There have been threads on here about grandparents reneging on promises to pay when the reality of the expense became clear. It also seems like a good way to ruin a friendship if expectations are not met. It’s ironic of me to say this because my own mother could only finish the last two years of college because of gifts from family friends. But that was 55 years ago, it was an in-state public, and the costs were much less. </p>
<p>Oh, they know the price…which is sort of how this whole thing got started when I was regaling the street with tales of the cost…which then crept its way into most of their conversations …"$60,000…can you imagine such a thing?"
It’s been a source of merriment and astonishment all summer. :)</p>
<p>That said, I agree with you Riverbirch…the whole thing is too awkward…where we’d feel odd spending any money knowing that our neighbors would see it…and, really, why risk breaking up a great relationship (s) over a deadly topic like money…</p>
<p>Now I just need to come up with a graceful way to decline…especially if we go the state university route…and they feel that she “missed out.” </p>
<p>Wow, how unbelievably generous and heart-warming. I would graciously decline, however. As a practical matter, you cannot ensure that they will consistently live up to the pledge, and, in any event, I wouldn’t want to be beholden to non-family members for such assistance. It will undoubtedly change the entire dynamic of your relationship with these people. Frankly, I couldn’t even imagine accepting such an offer. </p>
<p>If your daughter is on board, and she ends up having to go to the state school, you might suggest that she tell them that she decided that the state school was the best fit for her after all. </p>
<p>You can always say no to the generous tuition offer. If they are serious, they can always send your daughter birthday gifts, and holiday gifts with money for things like books. Maybe they could,hire her to house sit to earn this.</p>
<p>One way it could work is if they set up a 529 account in her name. Then you would know how much is in it to budget and they would know that the money could only be used for education. Still may be too awkward but…</p>
<p>What do we tell our kids about accepting expensive gifts from people? I tell my daughters not to accept expensive gifts from guys unless they are very committed.</p>
<p>If you were to accept this gift from your neighbors, does it mean they would be invited to all activities at school, or they would need to be informed of your kid’s progress, or have a say about what she wants to major in? Would they expect her to visit them whenever she is in town? If there is no string attached and they have so much money, why wouldn’t they donate it to their favorite charities? </p>
<p>If they want to gift some money directly to your D, maybe…it seems very fraught with potential problems and awkwardness.</p>
<p>My S was gifted some money by his godfather that he used to help fund school, but his godfather put it in trust for him about 10-15 years before he was ready to go to college…what would you do if despite the contributions you were still not able to afford 4 years at Georgetown? Would they feel their money had been “wasted” if spent elsewhere? S’s godfather’s money was no strings/expectations attached.</p>
<p>^ Or as a loan to be forgiven later so it doesn’t affect financial aid (though OP said that due to the donut hole, there’d be no financial aid?)</p>
<p>One possible option is to make it an interest-free loan, not a gift. You would have to make it very official with signed loan papers and so on, otherwise it would still have friendship-ruining potential. But at least you would be able to take vacations and buy new cars without feeling guilty as long as you were making payments on schedule, and you wouldn’t feel beholden to them. And they would still be doing you a huge favor by forgoing interest payments.</p>
<p>It’s also a good way to test whether or not this offer from your neighbors is really all that important to you. If you would rather just have your daughter go to the state school instead of Georgetown et al., rather than have to make payments on a huge loan for the next however many years – well then, Georgetown wasn’t all that important, was it?</p>
<p>In any case, you have a few more months before you have to decide – and obviously it will all be moot if they never bring it up again, since you’ll hardly call them up and go “hey, remember how you were offering to pay for D’s tuition? Would you still like to do that?” </p>
<p>I agree with @xiggi. If they are good friends, I am in the camp that says go right ahead and accept. Just set it up wisely. </p>
<p>My Dad paid the college tuitions for several of his boyhood friends’ kids and the kids of former employees. And most were gifts and not subject to any repayment. A couple were personal loans, but he told them never to try and pay him back, but it made people feel better that they could pay him back if they wanted. A couple did try to pay him back, and he told them to buy a house instead, which they both did. </p>
<p>It was a great example to see that friendship is not just about being nice and saying hello etc., but helping out substantially when one can do so.</p>
<p>The key is to set it up correctly. He set up a fund and put the money in for the four years ahead of time. The point is the money was there and no worry of him reneging a year or two later. He thought it was important to do that and step away to give the kids freedom to live their lives and not to feel beholden to him every year.</p>
<p>If your neighbors have the money at hand, then set up a fund created and have the money (including your portion) pooled and deposited and earmarked for education purposes only. Set it so they get their any remainder money back if your daughter for any reason quits school. </p>
<p>I recommend having an attorney or CPA be the executor to manage the account and payments. Real cheap in comparison to school tuition, but worth the the third party oversight. Most importantly, your daughter deals with the executor re schools bills and completely avoids the awkwardness of having to keep talking to your neighbors about money. Something like $800 a year to pay someone to review the account and write the checks to the school. I highly recommend this approach. </p>
<p>One thing your daughter should do though is the end every year send everyone a letter about how she is doing in school. My dad received those all the time, and he really enjoyed hearing about the kids.</p>
<p>I would sort of decline. Decline the offer in the way that they seem to be hinting towards, but invite them to her graduation party and let them decide if they would like to gift her some cash towards college that way. I would hope that they would decide on an amount that would not be awkward. </p>