I think you should step away from the question entirely and let him figure it out on his own. I know how it is to try to be the supportive mom and then the kid changes his/her mind, it feels a little like the kid is quitting prematurely but that’s ok. This is how it feels to you as the supportive parent, but for the kid, it’s a relief to stop this path and explore something else. Let the kid figure it out. He may come back to it or he may not. It doesn’t matter in the long run–what matters is that his own internal voice about which direction to go (or when to back out) is stronger than your voice in his head. It’s the only way.
I think you may be right. Time to let him chart his path and figure things out.
I suggest you have a conversation with your son about your expectations for his academic performance in college. Find out what the GPA is he needs to maintain for his scholarship to continue. If he loses the scholarship due to a drop in GPA, would that mean he would have to drop out? Let him know the rules ahead of time so he understands what is required of him.
Also, have him find out the process for dropping a class, and the deadline for doing so. Let him know it will be okay to drop a class if he needs to, assuming that he will still meet the credit hours needed for the scholarship.
All this to say, if he wants to start with Engineering courses his first semester, set up a Plan B in advance so he can protect his scholarship.
There are no sure bets.
All of the people who think that studying engineering means they will never have to worry about finding or keeping a job, don’t understand what the implosion of aerospace industry did to engineering back in the 1990’s. Or the tech bust in 2001 did to electrical engineering/comp sci. Or the current glut of petroleum engineers coupled with a drop on oil prices.
Fact- engineers get laid off. Fact- while some engineering skills are fungible (the math, the logic, the thinking, some of the processes) if you are 45 years old and have been working at Exxon and lose your job as a petroleum engineer, you are not going to magically become a mechanical engineer who can work at Siemens or UTC next week.
I think your son needs to do some exploration of both engineering as an intellectual discipline to see if he likes the work, and explore what careers are out there and what people do for a living. There are plenty of people who have degrees in engineering who have pursued other paths professionally… but you really need to love or embrace the coursework for that to work. I’ve hired lots of engineers for roles which have nothing to do with engineering-- but they can speak with passion and enthusiasm for something they studied.
If your son’s passions lie elsewhere…
Lots to think about. We have had some of these discussions already and son is aware exactly what he needs to maintain scholarship. He is a serious and hardworking young man who just needs to figure out where his true passion is. I guess we will see … Thanks for everyone’s feedback.
@pokerqueen “I think you may be right. Time to let him chart his path and figure things out.” – That is true but these are still young, teens just entering adulthood, and it’s okay to provide guidance and support. He’ll figure it out but sometimes we need to make sure they’ve consider both sides of the coin so don’t feel as if you need to back off on gathering information.
As already said, be sure to protect the scholarship.
Your son appears to have a solid foundation for engineering 101 classes. (freshman year)
My daughter graduated high school with an IB Diploma so she had no AP classes at all.
She loved science but wanted to also explore engineering. She had some research and hospital volunteer experience but not necessarily engineering related courses. She is now in her third year studying biomedical engineering along with premed in an honors program. She is enjoying it and is doing well. She didn’t have any programming experience in high school. It really depends on what area of engineering he is interested in but basically the first three semesters are general engineering classes. I never imagined her getting an engineering degree but she was able to find a way to combine her love of science with engineering to work in the field of healthcare.
He could start out in engineering and later switch out. That would be easier than trying to switch later into engineering.
He should use his elective classes to pick other areas of interest he wishes to explore.
We have been discussing this for a while now. It is a fine line to walk between guidance and support and him feeling like he is pushed . He is aware that whatever he decides we will support him in his choices. My personal feelings are that he is much better suited to a non engineering major but ultimately he needs to follow his heart while understanding that there are pros/cons and risks/benefits to all his choices. It is difficult to know as a teen what will be fulfilling 4-8 years down the road. Hell, it is difficult for adults to know that. Scholarship protection is also important and we have discussed that as well. Fortunately, he still has many months to consider what his major should be.
One of my D16’s best friends is a sophomore in engineering and doing quite well. She took ZERO AP math and science classes in high school, so don’t let a “mere” 87 in AP Calc convince your son that he is not cut out for it.
I have S19 who likes and is good at math, and definitely not a good fit for the liberal arts, law, business, accounting etc., doesn’t like life sciences, languages. I really hope he finds something that uses math but the posts in this thread are starting to scare me!
If he doesn’t do engineering after all, he has more than three years to decide on a major, and five to begin working. Many accomplished students I know graduated and tried out a few jobs before finding a fit, and are easily supporting themselves.
Again, I wish schools would educate kids on the many types of jobs out there, rather than stick with these categories. But then again, some do end up in the professions.
I agree with you about the delicate balance but clearly he needs your support and guidance so good luck finding a way to provide it : )
My D had a break in her confidence of her chosen major and future life plans during her sophomore year of college.
It would have required transferring schools. She loved her school, but thought maybe she should explore this new passion of serving the deaf community.
We found someone who had a long career in that community and spent a couple hours chatting with him. He gave honest answers, and also highlighted the fact that the deaf community would still need chemistry teachers. D decided she wasn’t giving up on her interest in serving the deaf community by sticking with her chemistry major.
Having that long, relaxed talk with an expert in that field was priceless. I encourage you to get your son talking with different kinds of engineers. Let him hear about the good and bad parts of a job, the work environment, and job prospects for the future.
I wonder if what he’s really struggling with is the idea that things should come easily & shouldn’t require study if one is truly “good” at something. Totally false. Yes, AP/IB/college classes DO require effort, and just because you get an A, it doesn’t mean you’ve mastered the subject & there’s nothing left to learn. Oh, and an A you get without putting effort into the class doesn’t give you anything more than an A you get in a class you studied hard in. Except some spare time. And possibly less true understanding of the subject.
I was nearly done with grad school before I understood this.
It sounds like he’s used to getting good grades without having to work for them. It can be a shock to students that some classes require work if you want to do well. He has to decide if he’s willing to put in the effort. He seems to be learning the material and he’s getting good grades, so it sounds like he’s capable of doing it. Is he afraid of failing? If he doesn’t try, he won’t succeed. I’d encourage him to look for schools that don’t have weed out engineering programs and just see what happens.
As a parent I wonder as well. I think he looks around at students who seem to be doing better than he is with better understanding of the subjects and thinks “I’m not good at this” even though he may be better than most. And for a student who has always been at the top of every class I think the struggles to get the A’s and B’s in these courses is shaking his confidence and self esteem. It would be wonderful as a parent to have that “crystal ball” into the future. Maybe we need to approach things from that aspect that "things should come easily & shouldn’t require study if one is truly “good” at something. Totally false. "
I think there is more inherent flexibility in the system than it seems on the surface. In high school, I didn’t really understand the difference between science and engineering. I started in an engineering program at Boston University my freshman year, but then realized I liked science better. It was easy to change from the College of Engineering to Arts and Sciences. It might not be as easy at other universities but at mine it was very easy - just filled out a form. And I disagree about one semester not being enough to know. I definitely knew engineering was not for me. (Ironically, I work with almost all engineers now.)
My younger son was fixated on geology and astronomy when appliying to college, but the day classes started decided he would rather pursue physics. A few weeks later he became interested in the BA/BS program his liberal arts college has jointly with several engineering schools. We shall see what he ends up doing. And he is getting fabulous grades in college. He loves the fact that he can take courses he is interested in, and has flexibility in his daily schedule to budget his time, unlike in high school where it’s so much more of a grind having to show up so early in the morning and sit through classes you might not care as much about.
I think your son will do fine and will have plenty of time to test out what he wants to do.