I’m a rising senior who is finalizing her college list. The vast majority of my schools are in the NE (except Stanford and UChicago), and at this point, I definitely have a lot of schools on my list (between 15 and 20). My parents are insisting that I apply to six schools that, based on my stats, would be considered safeties. I’m under the persuasion that this is far too many safety schools–I have a 35 ACT, 4.0 UW, and extensive ECs, so it’s not as though there’s a discordance between grades/GPA/etc. to make it less predictable.
There are at least two schools on their safety list that I under no circumstance want to go to – one is a commuter option, and the other is at a public school in another state, with a campus size & culture that is opposite to what I am looking for. I am afraid that I am going to get into these schools and my parents are going to force me to attend, though I can’t see myself happy there and they refuse to let me refrain from applying. It’s not as though I don’t want to apply to any safeties since even without these, I still have several state or stats-admissions options on my list. However, I do feel bad making them pay for so many schools (since I also have a fair number of matches and reaches), and I have a sinking feeling that they may force me to attend one of these schools if I am accepted with a scholarship. They refuse to listen to any of the reasons why I feel that I would not be happy at the colleges they insist I apply to, and they still remain largely uninformed about the college process. Any thoughts on what to do in this situation?
A Safety school is 1) Affordable 2) You have a very high chance at an acceptance and 3) You are willing to attend to matter what.
So you need to show them that your choice safety schools meet this criteria. Show them the Net Price calculator results for affordability, how you compare to the enrolled students stats (for the acceptance) and why you would want to attend these schools over their safety schools such as preferred majors, chance for internships, good job placement…
Hopefully seeing your choice safety schools are a much better fit on paper, they will understand.
If they will not relent, then you just apply to these schools to make them happy, You will need their cooperation when it comes time to fill out the FASFA along with helping you pay for college.
Have you had the money talk with your parents? Perhaps a need for you to get merit aid to make college affordable is driving their choices. I suggest you try to talk to them and understand their thought process. Don’t assume your parents are “uninformed about the process” when they may simply be focusing on different factors than you are.
To me it sounds like money is a driver. Can’t blame them if that is the case. Ask them to let you apply to 3-4 reaches, and to go visit with you if you get in and the FA package is affordable.
Yes, you and your parents need to have the college money talk.
It looks like you may not know their financial limits and parameters, and they may fear that most of your list (including your preferred “safeties”) will be too expensive. Unless you and they have the college money talk now, it could be a lot worse in April when most of your admission letters comes from schools that are too expensive and you find that out then.
If you have the college money talk now, you can remake your list so that it includes safeties that you like and are assured to be comfortably within your parents’ financial limits.
They are not safeties if you are not willing to go. Nevertheless, some of your “safeties” may be not safety at all. If financial is a major concern, it is not uncommon to apply to a bunch of low matches/safeties in order to receive merit scholarships. Most families cannot afford $65k-$70k per year CoA. If you are going to pay for it yourself, you can make the decision. Otherwise, applying to a bunch of financial reach schools (even if they are admission matches) is just a waste of time (x15-20 times in your case).
Thanks for the input. They are still letting me apply to all my reaches, but the sheer amount of applications is overwhelming, especially when I have to write supplements for schools without genuine interest behind my essays. I feel that the schools they are insisting upon aren’t ones that I would be “willing to attend no matter what” if they were the only ones on the table, which is why I would like them to reconsider. I meant that they are uninformed about the process because they keep likening the application process now to what it was when they applied to school: both of them only applied to one college, and it has honestly taken a bit of a personal toll having to explain the different ways in which the process has changed, financial and otherwise. (They, for example, initially didn’t want me to apply to HYPS solely because they were afraid I would get into all of them. They didn’t want to go through that many post-acceptance visits… I hope that gives you a better idea of what I meant by my comment.)
We are middle class and would get need-based aid at top privates and merit-based aid at the safeties I am considering. The top schools I am applying to are no-loan universities that are very generous with need-based aid. We would, however, definitely not get a full-ride, and I am preparing to take out loans if necessary to help ease the burden. I have had the talk with them and ran the NPCs at various schools. I don’t need a full-ride in order to attend college, but they, of course, would rather not pay if they didn’t have to. I’m just not sure how to communicate that I would like to change the list without having them respond with “we’re your parents and we’re telling you to apply here, so it’s final.” I don’t want to burn out with all of these applications, but I’m struggling to convince them that it would be okay if I took off two or three safeties.
They may not be totally forthcoming to you about the real financial constraints. (Are their preferred schools the cheapest ones in the list?)
It is more about a control issue than a financial issue. (This may be the case if their preferred schools are not cheaper than safeties that you prefer.)
They have six, and you add four. Seems reasonable to me. If you hate theirs, be sure two of yours are matches. It is a huge hassle for them to do FA paperwork for 15 (you aren’t even to that part yet). Stop struggling, and be strategic about a smaller number of schools.
Their preferred schools may be the cheapest on my list based on competitive merit aid, but it also may not be. Since the merit at their selected schools are competitive, and admissions are competitive at my reaches, it is hard to tell what would end up being most affordable. Some of their choices would, for instance, be within my budget but still cost more than it would if I were to go to Princeton or the like. The commuter school does seem largely about control since it gives them the ability to threaten me with not being able to dorm at all if I challenge them on their choices, as I really want to have the dorm experience.
IMO, applying to 15-20 schools is too much. It will dilute your effort and lower your chance at each of them. In any case, you should apply only to schools that you will attend if admitted regardless of reaches, matches, or safeties. Also, all schools should be affordable after financial aid (or at least with a high chance of merit aid). The affordability is not determined by EFC or even the NPC but your family budget. Under these two criteria, you need to start with a few matches and at least one safety. Most students cannot apply to any schools they want. Many students even need to attend CC at least for the first 2 years due to financial reason.
The problem I am having is that they aren’t letting me cut out schools. They don’t want me to take off any safeties, and while they theoretically want me to downsize my reach and match lists, every time I propose a school to take off, they tell me to keep it on. It’s not that I can’t choose things to remove, but the power that goes behind removing at all. @doschicos
Obviously, Princeton is not a safety. Would their preferred schools be the least expensive assuming that you do not get competitive merit scholarships at any school, and do not get admitted into any reaches or matches?
Ah, another problem technology has created. In the old days my friends would just chuck the applications of schools they didn’t want to attend into the wastebasket at the post office! “Yes, mom- I dropped it at the post office, totally weird we never heard anything from them.”
I guess if I was you, I’d just do a real half-assed job on the apps for schools I didn’t want to attend. passive aggressive, no doubt, which I usually hate but sounds like your hands are tied by your parents unwillingness to allow you to eliminate schools you don’t like.
I absolutely agree with you. The merit-based aid & need-based aid would give me pretty much the same end tuition, except at the commuter school (no R&B expenses). I do have a few matches, but my issue is that I would just rather apply to three or four safeties, not six. That being said, I am trying to do the best I can with my current situation so that I can give every school I apply to my best effort. I have polished my Common App essay (several drafts with many teachers & others having proofread it), and started on several supplements. I also have a spreadsheet with specific offerings to incorporate into “Why School” essays for every one of my choices that require it. @billcsho
Keep in mind, you, as the student, can only borrow $5500 a year, with small increases as you move through college. If your parents cannot afford to pay the EFC generated by running the NPC, then they may already be worried about loans to cover the EFC.
Sit down and really go through the NPC at your safety, match and reaches with them. Know what schools give merit aid vs. need based aid, and whether you are a strong candidate for merit based aid. The general rule of thumb is that you need to be in at least the top 25% of admitted students to qualify for merit aid.
I agree, if there are some schools your parents want to stay on the list, and you cannot, under any circumstances, fathom attending – then those are not true safeties. If you have 3 other sure thing admissions schools and – if merit aid is important – you will get enough merit aid, then that should be enough safeties.
There was another thread recently by a student about safety/match for Ivy caliber students, which captures the challenges faced by kids who credibly have top 20 ranked schools on their list. Since those schools are reaches for everyone, where are the lines drawn for matches – is it schools like BC and Tulane schools or like Miami of Ohio and Syracuse? With some exceptions, the safety for high stat kids will be the instate public flagship, particularly any Honors program – the exceptions would be for direct admission majors at certain schools, like CS at Illinois Urbana Champaign and the like.
Far better to do the hard work now, honing your list, then get admitted to schools you cannot afford and have to decline the offer of admission.
I’m a bit confused what you are asking. Of course, if I did not have any other options, the safeties would be the cheapest regardless of their package… because there’s nothing else to compare it with. I was just saying that I’m not sure what would be the cheapest if I happened to get into all of my schools. I apologize, as I’m sure I’m misunderstanding your question. @ucbalumnus
passive aggressive, no doubt, which I usually hate but sounds like your hands are tied by your parents unwillingness to allow you to eliminate schools you don’t like.