<p>S has planned to apply to Stanford since junior year. He has already applied to several fine schools, including other highly ranked California schools. His Stanford app is complete, LORs uploaded, test scores sent... with the exception of the Intellectual Vitality, Roommate, and What Matters to You essays. He now says that he is not Stanford material because he has nothing to say on these topics. His dad and I are disappointed that he is not following through on this application and it is causing a lot of tension in our home. I know that his chances are slim, yet not awful... 2090 SAT, 740 Math II, 680 Chem. His GPA is strong- 3.98/4.38. He is African American male and has some interesting ECs. As a parent it is really hard to straddle that line between pressuring him to get it done and encouraging him to follow through. Once he finished UC and other apps at the end of November, he lost his momentum. We are trying to talk with him and not argue but he is shutting us out on this. Whether he applies to Stanford or not, he has several great schools on his list and I am sure will be accepted into at least one that will provide a great education for him. But I want him to complete this app and follow through. Any ideas on how I should handle this?</p>
<p>These can be difficult essays to start for a 17-18 year old with limited life experiences (seriously- intellectual vitality? I’d be hard pressed…). </p>
<p>My S had a hard time starting two of those essays- and had to write one of them several times before hitting a believable note. I’d let him know that you think they are hard and you have more life experience. Hardly anyone comes up with a truly great or inspired essay-- despite what students here on CC think. </p>
<p>You could try and think of specific things that he could write about (if he takes any help-- some don’t- or some say your ideas are ridiculous and then use them later, lol). Sometimes specific examples or themes can get them started. </p>
<p>However, sometimes they can’t finish because they really don’t see it happening for them (either getting in or going there if they got in). Both my S and D did not finish an app they started. We talked about it and let it go. Their reasons were good enough for them and for us.</p>
<p>That’s a tough one. Can you offer to help him brainstorm and come up with some ideas? Would be be receptive? How is his GC at his high school? Could he or she encourage your S to finish the app, since it is almost done? Sometimes, if the advice is coming from someone other than us parents, it is more well received. 
Also, if the app is already paid for, you could ask him to do it for that reason. I would felt the same way that you do. If he has a shot, you don’t want him to wonder, “What if I had applied and gotten into Stanford?” Explain to him that, as a parent, you want him to be aware of all his options/opportunities, and not have any regrets.
Good luck, and I hope he applies!</p>
<p>I would let him pass on Stanford. Not because it is a long shot… it is. and Not because it is the end of app period and he’s lost momentum. I would let him pass because any App at the deadline looks like a “Hail Mary pass” to the Admission committee. In the end, he will probably be happy at 10 different schools, why push this one? just let it be.</p>
<p>If he truly is interested in going to Stanford, I would continue to try and get him over the hump of these last few essays. For the intellectual vitality one, does he have a recent class paper he could adapt for the essay? For the roommate one, the tone should be much lighter so that might be a fun one to start on. For the what matters to you essay, what is his passion in life? Have him brainstorm on that one. My son took his time with finalizing these essays and I had to push him a bit to finish them up last week. Finally submitted them on 12/23. It is a long shot for him too, but he really loved the school when we visited last year.</p>
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<p>Do you have any source to back that up? I applied within an hour or so of the deadline, unhooked, and was accepted. So don’t discourage him to apply just because the deadline is coming up; that’s such a depressing attitude.</p>
<p>Did you have the same stats as him? 2090 SAT?</p>
<p>My SAT was a 2110, my GPA lower unweighted and about the same weighted.</p>
<p>Minnymom - First of all, submitting on the last day does not look like a “Hail Mary” and does not eliminate an application from consideration. My older son submitted his app to Stanford 30 minutes before the midnight deadline and was accepted. These essays are very difficult. Everyone is struggling. It may be a long shot, but your son has a zero chance of getting in if he doesn’t apply. I recommend you work with him on his essays and help him over the hurdle of self-doubt. My younger son is currently applying to Stanford and I understand what you are going through.</p>
<p>@minnymom</p>
<p>I would suggest that he focuses only on the writing and putting his best foot forward.</p>
<p>If he is accepted (good luck!) there will be plenty of opportunity to determine if he is “Stanford material”. (hint: he is!). </p>
<p>Regardless of college admissions, encouraging him to put in the effort after losing his momentum is a good thing to do. There will be other times he loses momentum and this would be good practice to pick it up again.</p>
<p>Our D struggled with her app as well. She wanted to just skip it. Stanford was the very last one. We reminded her that everything else was already submitted except her app. Also, we reminded her that our family “rule” was if you start something, you finish it. She submitted her app minutes before the deadline. She graduated this past June.</p>
<p>Well, the app will not be completed. S made a few futile attempts to please the parents, but is just isn’t happening. He is content with his choices and eager to learn of acceptances in March, so life goes on. Thank you for your feedback and suggestions. We have always adhered to the rule of finishing what you start and consider this choice a minor detour from that path. Good luck to this year’s applicants!</p>