Parenting a potentially "gifted" child

Davidson as posted above. Also, look into SENG. Just google it.
Yes, you can be identified as gifted at a young age. Two of my four were labeled.
My youngest son read at 2 . All four of my kids read by 4.
Davidson’s is the best resource.

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I am another one who limited screen time for my “gifted” child. I noticed that a lot of the kids in her gifted program, especially boys, tended to get a bit addicted to certain games and misuse the devices in unhealthy ways starting about 3rd grade — better to set boundaries ahead of time than have to try to dial back later.

When I needed to have her occupied for half an hour, I used to put on cooking shows and gave her toy kitchen utensils, etc.

I did a ton of reading TO my kid. No pressure on her to do the reading — she could if/when she wanted. I think she enjoys it more today as a result.

She was placed into an accelerated program starting in third grade. The only academic thing I recall ever “pushing” was drilling her on her multiplication facts on the way to school because I knew they would be foundational to the math that came after, but are boring to memorize.

That said, she has said that in retrospect she is really glad she was in an accelerated curriculum. It set her up well for college prep courses and AP classes later and kept her interested, without burdening her to accelerate herself and learn entirely on her own. Whenever she takes a general elective, she thinks the pace is mind-numbingly slow.
So if you can find a district that provides some acceleration, I recommend it. I know there is pushback against gifted education programs now because they are seen as not equitable. I think that is a shame — do a better job of identifying kids of all backgrounds who should be in them, but don’t take them away!!

Anyway, I digress. Other than that, we just exposed her to lots of activities and saw what stuck. We tried piano lessons and dance, but she didn’t turn out to be musical or enjoy performing. She loved sports, so that’s what we did most. We tried chess club and I threw in a science or tech camp in there — those were fine, but she didn’t fall in love. She ended up finding her own volunteer projects she was passionate about later.

This. And playing with others when that becomes OK to do. Even without other children…take him sledding, play in the snow, cook, go to the playground or park. Encourage playing with things that ot het two year olds play with. He is a two year old!

Let him enjoy his preschool years….as a little kid….you can nourish his interests by reading to him, going to hands on children’s museums, etc.

You want him to be enthusiastic about learning….but right now…his learning should be play.

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This. A thousand times this. For all of us!

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Just reminiscing as something in the OP made me think of this.

there was a 5 yr old at the school i worked at for one year. School staff called him “autistic savant” . . . no idea if those are the right words, and in I’m not in anyway saying R is like him! (read on) However, he was brilliant at age 5, and something about how quickly your son is catching on to things reminded me of his learning style.

eg: at age 5: 4 digit addition problems. Learning to read cursive in about 2 minutes. reading high level papers and books. Writing complete sentences and paragraphs. It was so amazing to see, and he could just learn in a snap of fingers. I’ve always wondered what happened to him as he was socially unmanageable in the classroom. He ended the year in a behavior classroom after multiple escape tries from school; kicking, spitting, hitting, throwing things etc.

but honestly, there was something incredibly magical; or rewarding, or amazing at watching him learn something new so quickly. Enjoy that! give your son all sorts of experiences.

So I have a family member who is very very gifted. His parents were very concerned about him being “normal.” They did absolutely nothing. He had tons of screen time, was put mostly into sports, given whatever books he wanted and was not accelerated in any way beyond what the regular highly ranked suburban public school did (which was basically nothing until high school). He is a brilliant young man who has done exceptionally in high school and is now in a T10 college. So, basically, if he is gifted, I wouldn’t worry to much about it. Let him do his thing and give him books, and art supplies and sports equipment and lots of music and most of all hugs and kisses and let him know that you love him regardless of what he is.

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Your use of the word “escape” reminded me of a funny-in-retrospect incident when my daughter was in second grade.

One of her gifted classmates plotted an “escape” with a classmate. He and a friend realized that the PE teacher collected the class after recess and would not know if they were in school that day. So they hid at the end of recess, walked to the student’s home, broke his piggy bank, and headed to the grocery store for candy.

It just so happened that one of the culprit’s mothers happened to drive by them walking down the street. :frowning_with_open_mouth: Much to her (not amused) surprise, she “found” them before the school realized they were missing. Or, rather, she returned them to the school just as the teachers/principal were starting a panicked search.

Anyway, even gifted kids who don’t require special behavior interventions can present occasional behavior “challenges.” :smile:

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On the other hand, my kid was reading very early. Reading early is very common in gifted kids, but not in all.

Giftedness can be seen in a number of ways. Reading early, math understanding early, sense of humor that is more than their age, and other ways. One way that you can se it early as 2 is how early they begin associative and collaborative play as opposed to parallel play.

Some observation of HG/PG kids were:

  • 94% were very alert as infants.
  • 94% had a long attention span as an infant or toddler.
  • 91% showed early language development.
  • 60% showed early motor skill development.
  • 48.9% were ambidextrous at some period of their development.
  • 37% had imaginary playmates.
  • The mean age at which these children spoke their first word was 9 months.
  • The mean age at which the children sight-read an easy reader was before 4.

(Rogers, M.T., & Silverman, L. K. (1988, November). Recognizing giftedness in young children. Understanding Our Gifted.)

There are things that effect those, though. Kids who grow up in multilingual households will start speaking later, and some gifted kids have less interest in reading.

These also do not speak about twice exceptional kids. There are a good number of gifted kids who have reading disorders, like dyslexia. There are a good number with ADHD/ADD. In fact, in many cases, it is difficult to identify kids who are gifted and have one of these disorders, since they are smart enough to perform normally even while dealing with them.

Still, if these describe your kid, your kids is likely gifted. However, these do not describe all gifted kids, and, as can bee seen, some are just more common among gifted kids, but not ubiquitous among gifted kids.

By everything that you are describing, @romanigypsyeyes, your son fits the profile. I would bet on him being gifted or highly gifted.

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The topic of brain readiness is complex and way beyond me, that’s for sure. If a child’s brain is ready for reading early, it seems from what you posted that often that does correlate with giftedness, but not always. My son played and built things and began reading at age 7 (the traditional age for reading at the time). But his first book was a young adult book. So he skipped some steps.

It makes sense that gifted kids might read earlier, intuitively, but it does seem that giftedness can have some paradoxical qualities! (Like taking longer with math problems due to thinking about them more.)

These were interesting: lots more online

Early Reading Myth #2: When Your Gifted Child Doesn’t Read Before Kindergarten | (everyday-learning.org)

Learning to Read Early May Signal Giftedness in Kids (verywellfamily.com)

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We had our only child at 40 and did not realize the parenting world had changed since we were raised in the 60s, so we were unencumbered by any parenting models beyond Ozzie and Harriett. We let our son play and run amok all his unstructured little life and did not realize his agonizing uniqueness until one day in middle school when he broke our hearts when he told us that he wished he could live in the place he dreamed about where there were other kids like him. We really didn’t know what he was talking about. He was in a gifted program since 4th grade because that’s where the school put him but he found nothing challenging. We missed all the signals because we thought he was normal. He knew he was not. We had to scramble for high school and ended up allowing him to go across the country to a boarding school where he finally started to get what he needed. It wasn’t until college that he met up with a brain trust that could go toe to toe with him.

Our son walked, talked, and read “late(r)”. Didn’t matter, he was who he was. In hindsight, if we had to do it over again, we probably wouldn’t do much differently. That unfettered play and roaming time was critical to his imagination and our oblivion meant we didn’t interfere with his mind’s playground. He grew up knowing he was deeply, unconditionally loved, and I think that was the only responsibility we really had. I think kids who are truly gifted will bloom to their fullest in spite of what we do or don’t do and may be better off without too much interference. Being healthy, happy, and loved checks all the important boxes, especially at that age. Just enjoy him.

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This

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Addressing a few things:

  • repeating again: everything he’s doing now is entirely self driven. We didn’t teach him to read or drill him on numbers. Instead, he tells us he’s interested and we indulge … he makes it so we don’t really have a choice :sweat_smile:

Examples:
-He has been OBSESSED with numbers since as long as i can remember. When we would go swimming, he’d go to every number and word around the pool to point to and ask us to tell him what it is. He learned to count just by listening to us count while changing his diaper or reading number books.

  • He demands to read new sentences by throwing his writing tablet at us and asking for sentences. So we do, after he asks for it.

  • Spanish and ASL are entirely self taught from watching videos.

I had no interest in having an advanced child. I have no interest in pushing him. In fact, I specifically asked for a child of normal intelligence while pregnant. Clearly, the universe laughed at me lol. If he ends up leveling off and being a non gifted child, I’d be thrilled. But, since that’s not where he’s at now, that’s why I figured I’d ask.

I will say that he has very little interest in any kind of imaginative play despite our encouragement. He just wants to be moving or doing physical manipulation with his hands - but no pretend.

R is a wild child. We let him do what he pleases and has no structure to his day. He js happy and healthy and I’m most grateful for that.

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Sounds like you don’t have a problem.

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Echoing the chorus to follow his lead. Find a good preschool where he can explore, grow, and learn. Montessori was a good fit for my children (except for my 2E kid who wasn’t so good at working alone/quietly).

We don’t believe in screens before a certain age, but did provide lots of books, legos, and ample time at the science and art museums. We value experiences over stuff and exposed them to lots of things. The kids took art classes, did summer theater, spent a lot of time at the library, and outside in the fresh air hiking, skiing, and cataloguing plants and bugs.

Research your school options. As he gets older, a peer group will be essential for good mental health and emotional growth. One last tip: work on your logic skills. “Because I said so” doesn’t work with these kids.

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@ChoatieMom no, no problem yet - and I may never have a problem. But I’d still rather be proactive and try to plan for things ahead of time rather than troubleshoot once things have already happened.

This might work out well, or it could be a really bad idea.

There are multiple levels of gifted, ranging from mild to profound. The OP’s son sounds like the profound category. These kids often have an insatiable appetite for knowledge, and it can be a bit exhausting keeping their minds fed.

My theory is that children can thrive in an educational system where they are within two standard deviations of the mean. If your kids attend a midsize school, being two standard deviations above the mean results in having some peers that click mentally. Being three standard deviations or more above can lead to isolation and loneliness. It is important to watch out for that.

There are a few people here who have experience with Davidson, and while my experience is old, it was very positive as well.

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I was very very worried about this family member when he was young, and thought his parents were doing everything wrong. They did nothing other than giving him lots to read and kept him very busy trying to make sure he wasnt “weird” or “special” (he is both). He has wound up being an exceptional kid who is pretty involved in all normal teen kid while still having exceptional activities and doing everything he can to learn. I am not sure that people who put their kids into a thousand things and try to accelerate them further make a bigger difference. This kid is more than 2 standard deviations above the mean and was reading complex texts at 3.

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There are multiple levels of gifted, ranging from mild to profound. The OP’s son sounds like the profound category. These kids often have an insatiable appetite for knowledge, and it can be a bit exhausting keeping their minds fed.

This is exactly my fear (thanks for helping me figure out what I was trying to say!) He CONSTANTLY wants to learn and I already feel like I’m starting to run out of things to keep him occupied.

I just don’t want him to get super bored, especially since we’re still pretty locked down due to COVID. (Though the vaccine news was super encouraging today!!)

I barely made it through school without being incredibly bored. I was reading at 2.5 and doing complex math pretty early on. My kid is far beyond where I was and that’s why I’m scared of him falling into the “bored out of his skull” category.

I think following his lead is great and if he doesn’t want to play pretend that’s okay too. There are some things like the swimming he’s already doing that I think are really important from both a healthy fitness standpoint and also from a safety standpoint. And I’m sure you are already on this but teach him kindness. Being smart and picking things up quickly is great but not the most important thing in life.

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I was referring to two standard deviations above their school peers, not the general population. By definition, kids in the profoundly gifted category are at least three standard deviations above the general population average.

The reason for what I wrote is because my son and I attended a Davidson summer gathering many years ago. Davidson is distinctly different from CTY programs, which also targeted smart kids. CTY programs were expensive, and hence the families skewed wealthy and the kids attended great school systems. The CTY kids had lots of smart peers and were mostly well adjusted.

In contrast, the families at the Davidson gathering came from all SES levels. Some of the kids there went to lousy school systems and felt very alone until they got to Davidson and met “their people”. I still remember a mom who was there for the first time and crying tears of joy in seeing her child really connect with other kids for the first time. It was also a revelation for my son about how good he had it relative to others.

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